Gives New Meaning To ‘Manually Eject’

| Top

(An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”

Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”

Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”

(I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a porn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)

Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”

Wife: *silently fuming*

Step 1: Insert Foot Into Mouth

| Uncategorized

(I am one of the few women working at my computer store. One day a male customer speaks up near me.)

Customer: “Wow, that’s a pretty big rack you’ve got there!”

Me: *looking up from monitor screen* “…excuse me?”

(I then follow his gaze to see him looking at a giant walk-in rack mount we have for sale.)

Customer: “Oh, wow. I gotta watch how I phrase things.”

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The Joy Of (Repeat) Checks

| Rude & Risque

Me: “Sir, your computer is all ready to go. We got all the viruses off of it.”

Customer: “Question: do you get viruses from looking at porno sites?”

Me: “Yes, sir, the majority of those sites contain viruses.”

Customer: “Hmm… well, then, I’ll probably be back here soon.”

Good Examples Gone Bad

| Extra Stupid, Top

(Note: A sincerely nice gentleman in his mid-sixties approaches the check-in counter with a CRT monitor.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can i do for you?”

Man: “I can’t check my email any more and I need you to help me.”

Me: “Okay, no problem! Did you want to bring your computer in here, too?”

Man: “Here.”

(He sets his monitor on the counter.)

Me: “Um…”

Man: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Well, sir, this is just your monitor. Imagine if you will that your DVD player…”

Man: *looks confused*

Me: “…or VCR is broken and you want me to fix it, but you bring in your television.”

Man: “Oh, my goodness. I am so embarrassed.”

Me: “It’s completely understandable.Technology can be a bit overwhelming.”

Man: “I’ll go get my VCR!”

Best Idea I’ve Heard All Day

| Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

(The receptionist at our computer repair store is handling a customer at the front desk.)

Customer: “Can you fix my laptop screen? There’s a big black mark on it.”

(The customer opens the laptop to show a cracked screen.)

Receptionist: “How did that happen?”

Customer: “I closed it, but there was a beer bottle lid inside. It went weird after that.”

Receptionist: “We can repair it for you, but it will cost approximately $1,000 as this is physical damage and not covered by warranty.”

Customer: “I am not paying $1,000 to repair a stupid laptop! You are trying to rip me off, you little b****! It’s under warranty! I know my rights!”

Receptionist: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot replace the LCD under warranty and you will have to pay for it yourself if you want it replaced.”

Customer: “I’m not paying, so you can go f*** yourself!”

Receptionist: “That’s the best idea I have heard all day, thanks! I’ll go do that right now.”

(The receptionist goes around corner and into back room.)

Customer: “What the f***?!” *leaves, slamming door*

Receptionist: “Is he gone?”

Manager: “Yes, are you finished?”

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