Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Cinnamon!

, , , , , | Working | June 13, 2018

(I have worked at this restaurant since it opened. It is a mom-and-pop-style place, not a chain, and therefore we have some items not commonly seen. A gentleman and his wife come in for dinner and peruse the menu for a while, then call me over.)

Me: “Do you have any questions, or are you all decided?”

Woman: “I’ll have the fish and chips.”

Man: “I’m curious about this pork chop dinner. Apples and blueberries?”

Me: “Yes! It’s actually quite delicious. It is a bone-in chop, 1.5 inches thick, and is stuffed with apples coated in a cinnamon glaze. Once cooked, we top it with a house-made blueberry sauce.”

Man: “Hmm. Sounds interesting, but pretty weird. I’m not sure if I’d spend $30 on it.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’d like to try it, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. If you don’t, I’ll comp the dish for you and get you another meal! I’m positive you’ll love it.”

Man: “Can’t say no to that deal! Sure, I’ll take one.”

(The couple eat their food and rave non-stop. They become regulars, and the man has the pork chop once a week for the next four months! I tell my manager about this, and he scoffs.)

Boss: “Yeah, who cares. Don’t be giving food away; that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

(Some months later, a woman comes in from out of town for a bite to eat on her road trip. She’s scanning the menu.)

Woman: “I can’t seem to find anything I think I’d like… Can you do the pork chop without the apples and blueberries?”

Me: “Well, our chef prepares the chops fresh every morning once they’re delivered, so, unfortunately, all the chops are stuffed already. I can hold the blueberry sauce, though!”

Woman: “I’m just not sure I’d like that.”

Me: “Well, if you—”

Boss: “Let me tell you a story! When we first opened…”

(He rattles off my entire story about the previously mentioned couple, then finishes with:)

Boss: “—and so I told him I’d pay for his entire bill if he didn’t like it! I do that with all my customers and haven’t ever had to yet. That’s why people love this place so much; my service is always above and beyond. I’ll get your bill for you if you aren’t satisfied.”

(I’m standing there this entire time, absolutely flabbergasted and appalled at what I just heard.)

Woman: “Sure, I’ll have one. With the sauce! Also a glass of [Expensive Top-Shelf Red Wine] with it, and [Top-Shelf Cocktail] for now.”

(Her food arrives and she takes a bite, immediately spitting it out and letting out an, “EEEUGH!”)

Boss: “What’s wrong?”

Woman: “I didn’t know this had cinnamon in it; I hate cinnamon… I’ll just go to [Fast Food Joint] across the road… Blegh!”

(She started to leave, when my boss stopped and asked her to pay for her drinks. She reminded him of what he had said, and looked confused. He had no choice but to let her know it was covered… out of his own pocket! Karma bites!)

Instead Of A Herr It Was A Her

, , , , , , | Right | June 12, 2018

(I work as a supervisor for an electric company call center. I’m a woman, although my voice sounds very deep to the point where most customers think I am a man, especially over the phone. This doesn’t typically bother me. I am on a supervisor call correcting a billing mistake — these calls always have to go to a supervisor. The customer speaks very good English to me, but rants in German to somebody in the room with him that I am actually helping him because I am a “man,” and various other misogynistic comments about how women don’t belong in the workplace, are inept, etc. He doesn’t realize I speak German and understand everything he says.)

Me: *still in English* “Okay, you are all set; you’ll see an adjustment on your next bill and you can simply pay the corrected balance at your earliest convenience.”

Customer: “Thank you very much, sir. You have helped me incredibly.”

Me: *in German* “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

(I hear a gasp on the line.)

Me: *still in German* “Well, as a supervisor, I’m glad I had the opportunity to satisfy your concerns. Again, my name is Frau [Surname], and thank you for calling [Electric Company].”


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Dusting Off The Scum

, , , , , , | Working | June 10, 2018

When I left the military I decided to go for a complete change of pace while deciding the next direction I wanted to take my life. As a result, I ended up doing pizza delivery for local franchise of a national brand.

The particular location I ended up working at served a fairly small area and had been losing money for a few years, so it was scheduled for closure in another year or so, which I didn’t know at the time.

The manager of the store was rather worthless and did the bare minimum, if that, often disappearing for hours at a time during of his shift. Often he’d take pizzas coming out of the oven and just leave with them, leaving us to make new ones for the people that had actually ordered them.

One day, when I was primarily working in-store, I noticed him pocketing cash from an order after a customer left and cancelling out the order in system so the drawer wouldn’t show a discrepancy. I saw it a second time a bit later. Given the manager’s personality, I didn’t say anything to him, but resolved to tell the owner on his next visit, which happened later that day.

I told him what I saw and he was understandably upset, but said that unfortunately there probably wasn’t anything he’d be able to do legally without some sort of proof. To which I, confused, asked why he didn’t just check the security footage.

It turned out that the cameras hadn’t been working right for a few years and the owner never got them fixed, since this had never been a high-risk or high-income location. As he had come to decision to close it, it made even less sense to spend the money on it.

Now, there was a TV hooked up to the recording deck so that the cameras could be watched live in the office, but it was turned off. I had assumed it was only turned off unless a manager was actively watching it, but now knew it was because cameras weren’t working. However, on my second day, while cleaning, I had been dusting and shifted the recording deck more than I’d meant to and knocked a cable loose (I thought). So, when I had finished cleaning, I shifted it back, plugged in the wire, briefly turned on the TV to make sure I hadn’t messed anything up, then turned it back off and went on my way.

When I told the owner that the cameras were working when I did that check, he ran into the office and literally pushed the store manager out of the way as he turned on the TV. I followed the owner to the office and saw the store manager’s face turned deathly white when he saw all the camera feeds were active on the screen.

The owner shooed me out of the office and locked it while he reviewed the recordings. Police showed up an hour or two later.

Later, I found out that the manager had unplugged the camera cable not long after he started working there and had been using the store as his own bank for paying bills or buying himself stuff. He was also giving out free food to all his friends and ignoring long-time customers, which is why the store was failing. Also, in the just over a week that the cameras had been able to watch him, he had pocketed close to $2000 within sight of them, so he was arrested — I think for grand theft.

The assistant manager was promoted to manager, I became his #1 aid — not assistant manager, though, as I still didn’t plan on sticking around long-term — and together we went on a massive campaign to turn the store around. Within four months, it was the highest grossing store in that franchise, we had a solid crew, and we had arrangements with a number of hotels and local businesses that were helping us with driving in business.

I still left at the end of a year, but I had a great time being part of that effort. And it all came about because of a bit of dusting.

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What IS It With Men And Asking For Directions?

, , , , , , | Right | June 6, 2018

(I work in a hotel. People often come in off the street to get directions if they’re lost. Some people are obviously upset about having to ask, so they hardly pay attention. A guy comes in for directions.)

Man: “How do you get to [Store]?”

(He’s a little older, so I offer to print out directions so he’ll have something to look at on paper. He grumbles about that wasting his time and says to just tell him.)

Me: “Take a left out of our parking lot. It’s about a mile down the road, and it’ll be on the right-hand side. It’s just past [Fast Food Place]. If you hit [Entertainment Center], you’ve gone too far.”

Man: “So, go north, and it’ll be to the left? Okay.”

Me: “No, it’ll be on the right-hand side, between the street and the freeway.”

Man: “But you just said left.”

Me: “Go left to take you north out of our parking lot. Then, it’ll be to the right.”

Man: “So, go right.”

Me: “It’ll be to the right, after you’ve started going north towards the mall.”

Man: “God! All women are terrible at directions!”

Me: *tired, but talking with a smile* “Actually, I’m quite fantastic at directions. Most people know me for it. But if you would learn how to listen and stop getting yourself lost, then you wouldn’t be in this predicament, would you?”

(The guy looked at me like I had physically smacked him. Then, he mumbled something and stormed out.)

Has The Authority To Tell You How It Is

, , , , , , | Right | June 6, 2018

(I am 17, working at an outlet for a hardware shop. I have an irate customer who wants a discount because — get this — the drills were too hard to find! He didn’t ask anyone where to find them. He gets a bit abusive after I tell him I can’t do that, and interrupts me before I can get in, “but I can call the manager to handle that.” However, the manager is actually walking past at the time and hears most of the one-sided conversation. He fronts up to this bloke, and says in one of those suppressed-anger sorts of voices the following awesome rebuttal:)

Manager: “Do you know how old this boy is? Do you know how much he earns?”

Customer: “No. Why should I care?” *a lot more calmly, because the manager is a big bloke*

Manager: “He’s 17. And he earns $6 an hour.”

Customer: “Wh—”

Manager: *louder* “Do you know how much authority he has to give you a discount? Not none at all. Not zero. Less than none; less than zero.”

Customer: “How c—”

Manager:Because, if he works hard, in a year or two he’ll get a promotion, and then he’ll have no f****** authority to give you a discount. Since he’s lower on the scale than that, he must have less than zero authority to do it now, get it?”

Customer: “Well, I—”

Manager: “HE’S SO FAR DOWN THE LINE OF AUTHORITY, HE HAS TO STAND ON A F****** LADDER TO TIE HIS SHOES!”

Customer: “Bu—”

Manager: “Furthermore, sir, he’s a minor, and the way you were talking to him is abuse of a minor, and you could be arrested for it.”

Customer: “Uh, I—”

Manager: “So, in future, if you want a discount, ask someone in authority. Ask me! Don’t abuse the staff; they can’t do anything. I’m the one who can! I’m the only one! Now, put the drills back or pay the full amount, because I’m not going to give you a discount, because you’re a s***head!”

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