Job Seeker Seeking Trouble

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 7, 2018

(I work at a hiring agency where we interview people, then send them out on jobs that they are interested in. To be placed on a job, you have to come into one of our offices and fill out some paperwork, including a background check, hire sheet, etc. It’s just three pages, doesn’t take a lot of time to fill out, and is very similar to a hire sheet that you could fill out for any other job. I’m working the front desk as the receptionist when a gentleman walks in.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Applicant: “Yeah, I’m here to apply for a job.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead and sign in and fill out these papers, and I’ll have someone help you once you turn it in.” *gives man a clipboard with said papers*

(He walks off to fill out the paperwork, and I keep doing what I’m doing. He walks back about ten minutes later, handing the clipboard to me.)

Applicant: “I’m done.”

Me: *surprised, because people usually don’t go through the paperwork that quickly* “Er, okay. Let me see.” *looks through papers to make sure everything is in order* “Oh, sorry. It seems that you didn’t fill everything out. You need to sign several things, and there is a backside to one of these.”

Applicant: “Yeah, the thing is, I just don’t feel like doing all of it. Just put it in.” *arrogant smirk*

(I have the rare applicant walk in that IS reluctant to fill it out, but I usually just brush it off and hand it off to one of the interviewers. But I’ve had an unusually stressful day with my fair share of biting my tongue.)

Me: *irritated* “Yeah, and I don’t feel like dealing with your attitude, but we all have to do things that we don’t want to. So, you can sit back down and fill out the rest, or leave.”

(The applicant is clearly surprised by my sharp response, and demands to talk to my supervisor. I gladly comply, knowing that she has a shorter fuse than I do. I call her over, and she glances briefly through the paperwork.)

Supervisor: “How do you expect us to find you job if we have no idea of your experience or what you want? Fill it out.” *promptly gives the clipboard back to the applicant and walks away*

(He glared at me, as I grinned victoriously, before filling out the rest of the paperwork. He sulked the rest of the time he was in the office, but I was practically on cloud nine.)

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Clean Up Your Act

, , , , | Healthy | January 31, 2018

(I work as a housekeeper at a hospital. The job is hard, but I get paid fairly well. The hardest part is dealing with patients and visitors who don’t realize how important my job really is. I’m mopping the main lobby. A group of visitors leaving the hospital are coming. I just mopped the floors, and they track dirt and grease all over the floor, dropping food as they pass, as well. I get a new mop, slightly irritated, I’ll admit. Then, I hear the mom lean down to her daughter and say:)

Visitor: “Stay in school, or you’ll end up like him!”

(I’ve had a hard day, and just hearing that makes me lose it. I go over, tap the woman on a shoulder, and say:)

Me: “Ma’am, were you visiting a patient here today?”

Visitor: “Uh, yeah… [room number]. Why?”

Me: “You realize a lowlife housekeeper like me cleaned that room, right? That room previously had a very sick person staying in it, and a housekeeper bleached the walls, bed, toilet, everything, to keep you safe from getting what the last patient had.”

(She goes to open up her mouth, but I don’t let her say anything.)

Me: “I’m working this job while I work on getting my associate’s in nursing, which I’m only three months away from. I eventually want to become a doctor. I took this job to get my foot in the door for my future. My parents don’t have money to get me through school, and the scholarships I received aren’t enough to cover $4000 a semester. So, unless you are already saving for her to go to school, or are made of money, she will likely end up with a low-end job for a couple of years. I get the same benefits as any medical staff, I make $12 an hour, and, other than dealing with people like you, my job is nice.”

(By this point her jaw has dropped and her daughter is giggling next to her.)

Visitor: “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize—”

Me: “You shouldn’t have said something like that. ‘If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.’ My mom taught me that when I was five. Probably best for you to learn it, too.”

(The mother scurries out of the door with her head hanging low. My supervisor has seen the whole exchange, so I think I will get in trouble. He laughs and says:)

Supervisor: “I’ve wanted to say that to people like that forever! I’m just glad I got to witness such a historic moment!”

(Housekeepers are not scum or low-lives, and we are not stupid. Most of us have joined as housekeepers to make it easier to climb up the career ladder. Think about that the next time you say something rude like that.)

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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 29

, , , | Working | January 31, 2018

(I’m just minding my own business at home when I suddenly get a call:)

Scammer: “Hello, this is [Scammer] calling from [Fake Company] telling you that your computer has several terrible viruses.”

(I instantly know this is a scam, but I decide to play along.)

Me: “Oh, no! What should I do?!”

Scammer: “This is no problem; I’ll walk you through it.”

(He spends the next three minutes telling me what to do, while I pretend to do what he says, but in actuality, I just continue doing what I was doing. Once he’s done…)

Scammer: “Now, have you done it all?”

Me: “I’d say so, yes.”

Scammer: “No, it doesn’t seem like that; I can see your computer is still infected with viruses.”

Me: “Oh, is that so? Well, how about you walk me through it one more time?”

Scammer: “Sure. So, first…”

(Another three minutes later:)

Scammer: “Okay, have you now done everything?”

Me: “Yes.”

Scammer: “No, you haven’t. Have you even done anything I asked you? Do you want your computer to be infected with viruses?”

Me: “Can I confess something to you? I actually haven’t done any of that. And you know why? Because I know this was a scam. The whole time you’ve been talking, I’ve been playing an online game, reading short stories on the Internet, reading a fanfic, and looking up funny images on [site]. If my computer really was infected with viruses, I wouldn’t be able to do any of that. Ergo, this is a scam call, and I’ve been f****** with you and wasting your time. Also, this call is recorded, so I can look back and laugh at this, and this is going on the web. Any last words before I hang up?”

(Silence for a few seconds.)

Scammer: “SON OF A B****!”

Me: “That’s what I thought. Toodles, dumb-a**!” *hangs up*

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 28
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 27
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 26

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Preach, Teach!

, , , , , | Learning | January 29, 2018

(I have a friend who has one of those always-young faces. She looks a lot younger than she really is. She also has one heck of a smart mouth on her, and has taught me a lot about how to quietly take people down without losing her temper. We work in different companies, but in the same speciality, and we often meet up at work conferences. At one of these conferences, we meet up for lunch and sit at the same table as a husband and wife we don’t know. We get talking, when the man springs this little gem on my friend:)

Man: “You know, the problem is that you young ones in [industry] know nothing, these days.”

Friend: *polite smile* “Is that so?”

Man: “Yes! Now, you should think of doing [professional qualification]. It might teach you something!”

Friend: *thoughtfully, but sadly* “No. I really don’t think I could do that.”

Man: “It’s not too difficult, you know. You could always study and revise a bit first, if it feels a bit too hard.”

Friend: “Oh, that’s not the problem. It’s more of a logistical issue.”

Man: “How do you mean?”

Friend: “I can’t take that course, because I teach it.”

Man: “…”

Friend: *friendly, but wicked smile* “Yes, I’m afraid I’m one of those people teaching the young ones nothing, these days.”

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A Reversal Of Fortune

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2018

(I’m a female on-call locksmith. It is 3:00 am, in -16-degree weather. I go to the car that the person has been locked out of. I make them sign the paperwork, and I pop the lock in under five minutes.)

Customer: “Wait! Why should I pay $150 for something that only took you two seconds?!”

Me: “Because you couldn’t do it yourself.”

Customer: “You b****! I’m not paying this! I’m going to dispute the charges!”

Me: “Well, in that case…”

(I take the keys and throw them back into the car, lock the door, and slam it shut.)

Me: “Have a good night.”

Customer: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “You just said you were going to reverse the charges, so I’m reversing the job.”

(I got chewed out so hard for that, but it was worth it.)

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