The Sound Of Silence

, , , , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(Our band director is spending the whole class period talking about scales and music theory. The first chair tuba pipes up and mentions how he memorizes particularly difficult scales with lots of sharps. And the director yells, saying that will only make it more difficult. Later in the period, he asks the band to see if anyone can play an extremely difficult scale he calls out using the confusing method he had presented. A couple of people try and fail. Then, the first chair tuba tries and plays it perfectly.)

Band Director: “That was brilliant! How did you do it?!”

Tuba: *explains method he mentioned earlier that the band director said was wrong*


Band Director: “That doesn’t prove your point.”

(I rather think it did, and I will be using it in the future.)

Sub-Standard Behavior

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2019

(After work I always head to the same sandwich shop. In this sub shop, to save time, they will charge you while your sub is toasting. When I walk in, I see a young man in our uniform accosting the workers at the sub shop.)

Uniformed Teen: “G**d***, you people are so slow! I know we’re down the road from [Nearby University], but that doesn’t give you an excuse to show up high at work or be lazy little s***s at work!”

Worker: “As I told you, sir, the toaster takes a few minutes, and I’m otherwise going as fast as I can.” *starts adding his requested vegetables and toppings*

Uniformed Teen: “Well, that’s not very fast, then. What’re you, slow? Do you even know what I’m saying, b****?”

(My initial shock at seeing a fellow employee treat someone this way wears off and I speak up.)

Me: “So, you work over at [Our Shared Workplace?]”

Uniformed Teen: “Yeah? So? The f*** does it mean to yo—“

(He has now turned around and fully looked me over. I’m wearing my supervisor uniform, sans nametag which I have taken off.)

Uniformed Teen: “Oh, s***!” *runs off before I can get his name*

Worker: “Holy s***! That was hilarious! Hey, he already paid for his sub, chips, and drink. Do you want them?”

(I initially declined, but the worker insisted. I bought my full meal and brought the extra chips and drink to my roommate!)

Have Faith That The Right Thing Will Happen

, , , , , , | Learning | April 8, 2019

(I was bullied terribly through all of public school and high school. I was short, got glasses at a young age, and was raised very religious. My particular faith was not common where I grew up. Bullies liked to pick on this, but often didn’t know enough about my faith to be accurate. This story is one particularly bad and ignorant example. Although I am not Muslim, some students take to calling me “Muslim” as some kind of derogatory nickname. I finally get the courage to discuss the problem with my teacher, who agrees to sit down with me and the two worst bullies. For context, we are all male, and this is eighth grade.)

Me: “They won’t stop calling me names. They call me ‘Muslim’ as if it’s my name.”

Teacher: “What do you mean? Are you a Muslim?”

Me: “No. But they keep saying things like, ‘I don’t want to work with Muslim,’ or, ‘Don’t let Muslim talk to us.’”

Teacher: *to other students* “Why would you call him that?”

Student #1: *making up a desperate excuse* “We thought he really was a Muslim.”

Student #2: *playing along* “Yeah, we thought he was one, so how can it be bad?”

Me: “I told you both repeatedly that I am not, and you’re using it as an insult, and to exclude me.”

(There are a few minutes of he-said-she-said.)

Teacher: “Okay, [Student #1] and [Student #2], stop calling him that from now on. You can all go now.”

(The other students run out of the office quickly, but I stay behind a moment.)

Me: *verge of tears* “So, that’s it? Months of teasing, and you’re not going to do anything.”

Teacher: “Well… they thought you were a Muslim, so…”

Me: “Shouldn’t that actually make it worse?”

(The next day, my teacher is talking to another teacher as I pass by in the hallway. I know that [Teacher #2]’s husband is the same faith that I am. I say this as I walk by:)

Me: *to [Teacher #2]* “Out of the way, Muslim!”

Teacher #2: “How dare you?! That’s the rudest thing I’ve ever heard! Principal’s office, now!”

Me: “It’s okay. I thought you were really a Muslim—“ *locks eyes with my teacher* “—so that makes it okay, right, [Teacher]?”

(My teacher looked super embarrassed as I completely walked away, but from then on, [Teacher #2] would give me knowing looks, and she defended me from bullies the rest of the year. She must have asked my teacher what I meant. I can only imagine that conversation.)

Dial G For Genius

, , , , | Legal | April 7, 2019

(My house phone has been receiving lots of calls from scammers and telemarketers lately. I’ve gotten bored of simply hanging up on them. One day, I get a call from a number that I instantly recognize as a Windows scam number, and I get an idea. I pull up a YouTube video and hold the receiver to the computer speaker.)

Scammer: “Hi, this is [Scammer] with Windows Technical department.”

Video: “We’re sorry. Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again.”

(He hangs up. Incredibly, he calls again five minutes later…)

Scammer: “Hello, this is—“

Video: “We’re sorry. Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again.”

Scammer: *click*

(This repeated a couple more times before he finally gave up, and I had a huge troll-face on the entire time. I now do this every time a telemarketer or scammer calls my house phone and I’m near my computer. The calls haven’t stopped completely, but they have become far less frequent.)

Your Car Is On The Highway To Hell

, , , , , , , | Right | April 5, 2019

(I am a customer witnessing this epic exchange. My tire goes flat in rural Florida. I get it to what has to be the only shop in 50 miles. I sit down to wait while the shop owner talks to another customer getting an oil change.)

Customer: *looks through the window into the work bay* “Hey! I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car.”

Owner: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I said, I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car!”

Owner: *after a pause* “Well, you’re in luck. Today at [Auto Shop], we’re giving out free life lessons. Today’s lesson? Don’t piss off the man who owns the lift your car is sitting on top of.” *opens the window to the bay* “[Mechanic], drop the [Car].”

Customer: “Hey! What the h*** are you doing?”

Mechanic: “It’s not done, boss.”

Owner: “Drop it anyway and push it to a parking spot.” *closes window*

Owner: “You see, that is [Mechanic]. He’s worked with me for ten years. He’s my best and fastest guy on oil changes. Given how long he’s had your car, I can say with complete certainty that your vehicle doesn’t have a drop of oil in it. And it’s not going to… not from my shop.”

(The owner hands the customer a business card.)

Owner: “That’s the number for the only tow truck that doesn’t charge extra for coming out this far. But I’m not sure he can help you once I call him. His kids are in little league with [Mechanic]’s kids. Given how long it takes other tow companies, I’m going to give you 45 minutes to get your vehicle out of my parking lot. Then, I’m going to call the sheriff’s office. [Deputy] is on shift today and his mom plays bingo with [Mechanic]’s wife every Saturday. I’m sure he’ll be willing to tow it to an impound lot for you. You’re also banned from my store, which makes you standing there trespassing. Feel free to wait outside, no closer than fifty feet from the building.”

Customer: *looks like he might say something, but just stands there, silent*

Owner: *steps forward, leaning into the customer’s face* “Thus endeth the lesson.”

Me: *applauding as the customer heads out towards his car*

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