The Scam Has Been Rent From The Scammer

, , , , | Friendly | October 23, 2017

(I respond to a few of those infamous “nice house for rent at an unreasonably low price” ads, thinking at worst they’re obvious scams and no harm done, or at best I’ve found the deal of the century. I get various replies to my emails of inquiry, all obvious scams. What I notice, though, is how many of them are using the same story: “I’m a Christian missionary going on a two-year missions trip to Africa, and I want to find a nice Christian family to take care of my house while I’m gone. I’ve already left, so please just send me a $100 good-faith deposit and I’ll send you the keys and let you look around. We can exchange paperwork afterwards if you like the place.” I decide to amuse myself in an email exchange.)

Me: “You’re going on a missions trip to Africa, too? Hallelujah! I’ve recently been in contact with [Other Scammer who replied to my emails] about their house also for rent. Do you know each other?”

Scammer: “Yes, we all know each other; we are on the same mission trip.”

Me: “That’s amazing. How many of you are going?”

Scammer: “There are twelve people going. Please send the good faith deposit and I will send you the keys.”

Me: “What about [Yet Another Scammer with the same scam]?”

Scammer: “Yes, we are all friends and are here in Africa together. Here is a link where you can send the good faith deposit.”

Me: “Well, I think it’s wonderful how so many of you are together doing the Lord’s work. It’s too bad all of you had to leave so quickly and none of you could find renters for these nice houses.”

Scammer: “Well, we leave very quickly. Please let me know if you have other questions.”

Me: “Thank you; I do. What are the names of the streets their houses are on?”

Scammer: “I do not understand and do not know about their houses; that is their responsibility. Please send the $100 so I can send you the keys. I know you will love my house.”

Me: “Well, you’re all there together, so can you ask them? Let me know if it’ll take time to reach them if they’re not right next to you; I can wait. I don’t even need both street names. Just one. Name one of the streets their houses are on. And if you can manage that, I’ll throw in a $10,000 donation to your mission trip, whether or not I go with your house.”

(I never heard back.)

Shouldn’t Engage In Pillow Talk

, , , , , | Friendly | October 20, 2017

(We stop at my brother’s store during a big sale. It is so busy that we volunteer to help. As I am helping one elderly lady, it becomes apparent that she has just discovered that my brother is gay.)

Elderly Lady: “I just don’t like to think about what he does. It’s so…” *she shudders*

Me: “What do you do in your bedroom?”

Elderly Lady: “That’s none of your business!”

Me: “Precisely, ma’am. Whatever happens in the bedroom should concern only those in that bedroom.”

(She stared at me with her mouth open before slinking off to the checkout.)

Figuring Out The Dummies With The Dummy

, , , , , , , | Learning | October 19, 2017

I took a foods course that was divided into “Theory” and “Cooking,” with half the class doing each at any given time, then swapping to the other. I always did the theory first for any given unit, and was one of the few who actually did the work, and one of fewer who actually got good marks from it.

Most of the rest of the class were, unfortunately, the types who scraped by if given the chance, and it showed during the cooking portion when they barely got passing marks. They all saw that I frequently got good marks, and because our paperwork was kept in a public area, they tried to use mine to cheat for marks.

I saw this, but had no real way to take care of it; if I kept my work in my locker, it wouldn’t get marked by the teacher. However, for the final assignment, effectively a “Final Exam” worth around 35% of the final mark, I concocted a scheme to punish them for cheating. I informed my teacher about my suspicions, and told him that I would submit a “dummy” exam with intentionally wrong answers, and give him the proper exam later. He agreed that would be fine. I did so, leaving this “dummy” exam in the main pile, and then let my fellow students know my opinion on cheaters. They laughed at it, and I went about my business.

We got our final marks back, this final assignment included. The cheaters all looked shocked at their final marks, until I heard them at the next table over trying to whisper, “That makes no sense, I copied him…” and “That means [My Name] also got a 0!” as they walked over to me, laughing. “Hey, [My Name]. What did you get?”

“I got 95%,” I said.

They just stopped, took a moment, and walked away, as my professor sat in the corner laughing at the exchange.

This Stay Has Not Been Rated

, , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(A very stubborn customer is arguing with us about the prices changing.)

Coworker: “Sir, since you are changing your stay, the rate also changes because there is a lower rate the longer you stay. If you shorten your stay, the rate goes up.”

Customer: “That is BS! That doesn’t make sense! Who puts these darned rules on the rates?! I was told [rate] and I’ll get it; I don’t care if I do shorten my stay or not!”

Coworker: “That would be our manager who set the rules for the rates.”

Customer: “I already talked to him, and he promised me this rate! Now, are you going to give it to me or do I have to go to your competition next door?!”

Me: “Sir, you are welcome to go there!”

Customer: *angrily takes belongings and stomps off, glaring*

(There are only two hotels for miles around, and both are owned by the same company. My coworker and I laughed about that for hours. The next morning, the hotel next door sent us an email saying only “WTF?!”)

A Cents-less Waste Of Time

, , , , , , | Right | October 15, 2017

(Our gas station has a member’s card that you can scan when you pay and get $0.03 off per gallon of gas. This customer forgets to hand me their card to get the discount while they are pre-paying inside for their gas. Five minutes later, they’re back inside with their receipt, furious that they did not get their discount.)

Me: “Yes, sir; what can I do for you?”

Customer: “You didn’t scan my [Gas Station] card! I want my discount. You owe me a refund, son.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, sir, but I cannot go back and give you the discount when you didn’t give me the card to scan.”

Customer: “I just want my three f****** cents off!”

(I look at my screen and see that they only got $15, a little over six gallons-worth of gas.)

Me: “Do you have your card with you?”

(The customer hastily grabs their wallet, searches for a few seconds, and slams the card down on the counter angrily.)

Me: “I can’t scan the card for the previous transaction, but I’ll give you the refund for what would have been your discount since I have it right here anyway.”

(I handed them $0.18 from my till and replaced it with pennies from my “take one leave one” cup on the counter. The customer looked down at their dime, nickel, and three pennies, and gave me a telling look of embarrassment, knowing that they wasted five minutes and made of fool of themselves in front of the whole store for practically nothing.)

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