The Thing About Emergencies Is That They Are Emergencies

, , , , | Right | June 23, 2018

(My manager has just gotten a call that her daughter has been in an accident. She asks me to reschedule her appointments so she can go meet her family. At this point she doesn’t know much of what is going on because no one wants to tell her anything until she gets there. There is only one appointment left, and although it is five minutes from the appointment time, I am sure that just by saying the manager had an emergency the client will understand.)

Client: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, this is [Office]. I see here you have an appointment with [Manager] in a few minutes, but she’s asked me to call and see if you can drop off the information and she can work on it. Or, I can reschedule you for a later time; an emergency has arisen and she won’t be able to stay much longer.”

Client: “ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME?! I set an appointment with [Manager] a couple weeks ago, and she waits until five minutes before the appointment to call to say she has an emergency?”

Me: “Yes, the emergency just happened and she needs to rush out of the office as soon as possible to deal with it, so she gave the opt—”

Client: “NO, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. WHY IS [MANAGER] DOING THIS TO ME?! If I wanted to drop it off, I would have done so at the office that’s right next to me and not have driven this far for this! WHAT EMERGENCY DOES SHE HAVE THAT SHE CAN’T SEE ME?!”

(My manager and I are basically family, so I’m about in tears knowing there is nothing more I can do, and I’m still being yelled at by a customer.)

Me: “MA’AM, [MANAGER] NEEDS TO RUN OUT OF THE OFFICE BECAUSE HER DAUGHTER HAS BEEN IN A CAR ACCIDENT. CAN WE RESCHEDULE YOU FOR A LATER TIME?”

Client: “Sure, I’ll call and reschedule.”

(One of my coworkers who is trying to get information from the accident is within earshot of this conversation)

Coworker: “Does she feel like an a**, or what?”

A Cashless Karmic Transaction

, , , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(It is December, and holiday gift shopping is in full swing. I’m minding my own business, paying with cash in a store.)

Customer: *behind me, scoffs* “Who uses cash anymore these days? Get with the times.”

(I ignore her and continue on my way to another store nearby. I’m in line to pay when the cashier announces that the electronic payment system is down. Later I learn this isn’t just the store’s problem, but stores across the entire country are having issues. They’re currently serving all customers who can pay with cash first while working on a solution for those who can’t. Coincidentally, the same customer is in the line in front of me. As I pass her to go pay, I can’t resist.)

Me: “Who pays cash these days? People who aren’t screwed right now.”

(The look on her face was absolutely worth it.)


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Cancelling Their Plans

, , , , , , , , | Right | June 18, 2018

(I work in a hotel. As in so many stories I read, we often get guests who call up wanting a reservation, and demanding special treatment when we’re fully booked up. We have a way of dealing with this:)

Me: “The only way I can give you a room is if we cancel someone else’s reservation.”

Caller: “Well, do that, then!”

Me: “Do you think that’s a fair and reasonable thing for us to do?”

Caller: “YES!”

Me: “So, just to be clear, you won’t have a problem when five minutes later I cancel your reservation and give the room to someone else?”

Caller: “What? F*** no! You can’t do that!”

Me: “Why not? You just said it’s okay to do it.”

(The call usually ends about there. Sometimes there’s a follow-up:)

Caller: “You’ve got to give me special treatment; I’m a Platinum Rewards customer!”

Me: “Okay, well, I promise I’ll only cancel your reservation in five minutes time and give it to another Platinum Rewards customer, not to just anyone.”

Knows Zero About Zatanna

, , , , , , , | Friendly | June 17, 2018

(I’m one of the few female patrons of my local comic shop, and while the staff is awesome, the other patrons can be less so. I’ve just paid for my comics when the guy ahead of me pipes up.)

Customer:Arrow? That’s not a real comic book. You need someone to tell you about real comics.”

Me: “Who’s Zatanna?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Zatanna Zatara. Who is she?”

Customer: “I don’t know—”

Me: “She’s a magician, an extremely powerful logomancer, arguably the most powerful person in the DCU, and my favorite comic character. Sadly, she’s only ever appeared in an episode of Batman TAS and a couple of minor spots in Justice League, so only serious comic geeks know about her. And you didn’t buy anything but Marvel tie-ins.”

It’s Not The Postman Going Postal Today

, , , , , | Working | June 15, 2018

(A fellow I used to know had a bit of a feud going on with some members of his family at one point. What they were doing was repeatedly going to the post office and redirecting his mail, which, of course, was illegal. When he went to the post office to fix it, they wouldn’t do anything to fix the problem and even allowed it to happen again. He was at his wits’ end, so I coached him on how to fix the problem with the post office. First, I coached him on the importance of only doing it when there were a lot of people in there — an audience if you will. Here is the process I gave him.)

Postal Worker: “Good morning, sir. How may I help you?”

Friend: “Good morning.” *drops phone book on counter and open to a random page* “This person, here: I want their mail redirected to—” *flips phone book to another random page* “—this address, here.” *flips to another page* “And this person, here—” *again flipping page* “I want it sent here.”

Postal Worker: *aghast* “SIR! I can’t allow you to redirect other people’s mail! It isn’t legal!”

Friend: *loudly* “Why not? You’ve let other people do it to me four times in the last month. I should be able to screw other people over, too!”

(Other people waiting in line started to murmur. The upshot was that the station master was called to the front, and his mail was set up requiring picture ID to be presented before his mail could be redirected, thereby ending the problem.)

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