Booty Call The Pajama Black

, , , , , , | Right | August 17, 2019

(I’m working at the cash register. A woman and her son, who can’t be older than ten, are in line. The mother sees a young girl in booty shorts walk out of the store.)

Mother: “It looks like that girl forgot the bottom of her drawers.”

Son: “Some people like to dress like that.”

Mother: “Yeah, people who don’t care how they look, people with no self-respect.”

(The son then looks at the pants his mother is wearing: pajama bottoms.)

Son: “You look like you just got out of bed.”

Mother: *silence*

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Driving Through Clichés

, , , , | Legal | August 16, 2019

I’m stopped at a light at the end of the main thoroughfare through my town. Either direction, there are only two ways you can go: left or right. 

The way the intersection works is that those coming into town have a green arrow first while those leaving town — i.e. me — have a delayed green. There is no turn allowed on red, so even those turning right have to wait for the light. 

I’m waiting to turn right and am sitting behind another car. The light turns green but one last car decides to run the light and make the left, so we have to wait. The problem is that the moment the green arrow goes away, the crosswalk to the right becomes active and everyone walking across the road has the right of way. 

And wouldn’t you know, at the exact moment the guy decides to run the light, there is a perfect poster for why you yield for pedestrians — an elderly couple and a young woman with a stroller are all attempting to cross. The elderly man holds up his hand to wave to the car to stop, but the car ignores it and cuts in front of them. I’m thinking, “Wow, what a jerk!” when the car in front of me finally goes, so I turn, as well.

That’s when I see it. The problem is that right by this intersection is the municipal court and the police station. And right there, at this moment, is a squad car, who sees the guy run the light and cut off the people in the crosswalk. Not far down the road, the cop pulls him over. 

I retold my dad the story and he said the fines and penalties the guy would be hit with would be quite hefty.

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That Creep Chickened Out

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 31, 2019

I’m picking up a few things at the dollar store for a children’s event. This particular store usually has a security guard because it’s in a sketchy part of town. As I’m finding my things, another patron looks me up and down, whistles at me, makes a comment about my a**, and starts following me through the store. I’m a long way from the doors and tills, so I start trying to find the security guard, as I’m not comfortable confronting the creepy patron myself.

As I’m making my way through the store, I pass by a rack of rubber chickens. I pause to examine them, since they are one of the items I am there to pick up. The first chicken I grab makes a loud and obnoxious squeaking sound, startling both me and the creep on my tail. I make eye contact with the creep, who is now scowling at me. I grin and proceed to make as much noise with the chicken as possible — partly because I think rubber chickens are hilarious and partly because it’s making the creep uncomfortable. I toss several chickens into my cart just as the security guard comes walking out the end of an aisle, presumably to tell me to shut up. The creep backs away from me, and I finish my trip in peace. I like to think he was deterred by my bounty of obnoxious rubber chickens. 

I should note that I ended up giving the chickens back at the till after deciding that our event would be hectic enough without trying to compete over the noise of rubber chickens controlled by children.

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Off The Clock And Off The Record

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2019

(I work as a cashier supervisor in a large store. I have just finished the day shift, and one of the evening cashiers calls me over as I am about to leave the store.)

Cashier: “Can you enter your password to authorize this markdown? I know you’re not supposed to when you’re off the clock, but [Evening Supervisor] is busy.”

Me: “Sure, it’s not a big markdown, so I’ll do it this time.”

Customer: *to me* “Jesus, hurry the h*** up, would you?”

Me: “You know, we don’t get paid enough to put up with your bulls*** when we’re on the clock, so I’d suggest you speak a little more nicely to me when I’m not.”

(The customer quieted down very quickly and has been very silent around me ever since.)

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Won’t Acknowledge Her Own Baggage

, , , , | Right | July 29, 2019

(While I’m dealing with customers as usual, a lady comes through my cash lane with a bunch of infant products that are on sale. She has several coupons, but the store only allows us to discount $10 before customer service is required for an override. Naturally, the time when customer service is NEEDED, we only have one rep available and she’s busy dealing with her own problems. I have two more people lined up at my lane, and I approach them personally and tell them the situation, giving them the option to go line up at another lane since we have several other lanes open with little to no lines. They opt to stay at my lane, so my current customer engages in conversation with the people directly behind her while I continue to page for customer service. Finally, the discounts are taken care of, and I go through my next customers. The issue I have is with the third customer, who is one of the ones I gave the option to check out through another lane. Apparently, irritated by the wait, which she could have avoided, she is there huffing and sighing and looking at her watch, tapping her foot on the floor.)

Me: “Hello, sorry about the wait.”

Customer: *sighs, ignores*

(I’m ringing through her stuff and shifting it to the other counter to bag it when she starts squeezing her ice cream tubs to see how melted they are.)

Customer: “I suppose these are so melted they’re not worth bothering with…” *sigh*

Me: “I’m sorry. Would you like me to page grocery to bring new ones?”

Customer: “And how many centuries will that take? I want to get out of here today.”

Me: “Well, I did tell you that you could have lined up elsewhere…”

Customer: “Never mind, just get on with it. I’ll take the ice cream as it is.”

(I go back to bagging her stuff and again she’s sighing and looking at her watch. By this point, I’m kind of getting irritated because she didn’t have to stay in my lane; she could have gone elsewhere.)

Me: “Look, miss, if you’re in a hurry and need to be someplace, you’re welcome to bag a few things yourself.”

Customer: “And why the h*** would I do that? I didn’t graduate high school to bag s*** like low-life losers like you.”

Me: “Excuse me? Um, not that it’s any of your business, but I have gone through three years of college. I didn’t plan on being a cashier here, either, but there’s currently no work in my field and I needed a job to pay my bills.”

Customer: *laughs* “You’re joking. I’m a high-school graduate, not a kindergartener. You must think I’m stupid to actually believe an uneducated brat like you went through college. What a liar.”

(By now, I’m mad. I’ve dealt with people like this once or twice before, but none of them had the nerve to say anything like that to my face before.)

Me: “Wow, okay. Listen up, you arrogant b****. I don’t need your approval or critique on how I live my life. If you don’t want to believe I have college certificates, then don’t; it’s not my problem. But don’t stand there like a high and mighty princess when all you can say is that you graduated high school. That’s not an accomplishment, since everyone here graduated high school. Furthermore, if you’re going to sigh and look at your watch like you’re in a godd*** hurry, get over here and help bag your s*** like everyone else. Otherwise, shut the h*** up, keep still, and let me bag your stuff like I’ve been doing. I’m going as fast as I can, but I just got back from a week of being sick and I am not in the mood for your s***. So lay off.”

Customer: *shocked*

(She stayed still until it was time to pay, did her debit transaction in dead silence, threw her bags into the cart, and left swiftly. The people that had lined up behind her at the start of her purchase didn’t like what she said, either, and they laughed when I told her off. But seriously, if she didn’t want to wait, she could have gone to another lane. She brought it on herself.)

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