Zero Tolerance Is Enforced On Zeroes

, , , , , , | Right | July 17, 2018

(I overhear the following:)

Cashier: “Good afternoon!”

Customer: *grunts*

Cashier: “Do you have a loyalty card?”

Customer: *grunts*

Cashier: *again* “Do you have a loyalty card, sir?”

Customer: *aggressively* “I don’t talk to losers like you.”

Cashier: “Oh, well, you can f*** off, then. SECURITY!”

Customer: *to nearby assistant manager* “Did you hear that?”

Assistant Manager: “Yes, didn’t you? F*** off, now.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to the top manager!”

(The top manager pops up from nowhere.)

Manager: “Didn’t you hear my staff? F*** off; you’re banned from here.”

(A few days later, I saw the same manager and asked whether they’d had any comeback from the incident. Apparently, the a**hole customer complained to corporate, who told him that no, he wasn’t banned from the store; he was banned from every [Store] in the country. They also entered his details into the aggressive-customer database shared by all the major chains, so he’s now banned from all supermarkets in the local area.)

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Not Party To Their Decision Making

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 16, 2018

(One of our friends is getting married and moving out of state. I’m at home one evening when I receive a call from another friend.)

Friend #1: “Hey, I was calling to let you know I’m finishing up at work and should meet you guys for [Moving Friend]’s going away party shortly.”

Me: “Huh? What party? Nobody told me about any party.”

Friend #1: “Oh, boy… Hang on. I’m going to call [Friend #2]. I’ll call you right back.”

(A few minutes later, he calls me back, sounding clearly annoyed.)

Friend #1: “So, yeah, it seems no one bothered to tell you about it because they thought you were working tonight. You might want to give [Friend #2] a call.”

(I get off the phone with him and proceed to call [Friend #2].)

Friend #2: “Hey, [My Name]. What’s going on?”

Me: “Dude, what the h***?! You guys are having a going away party for [Moving Friend] and didn’t think to let me know?”

Friend #2: “We thought you were working tonight.”

Me: “I’m off weekday evenings! You should know that!”

Friend #2: “Oh… Um… Well, the party is just getting started. You can still come out if you want.”

(By this point, I’m angry and a bit hurt, but I do decide to go out and join everyone at the party. A week later I go out to the movies, but I’m surprised to find that only [Friend #1] has shown up.)

Me: “No one else is joining us? I thought they wanted to see this movie, too.”

Friend #1: “F*** ‘em. They didn’t tell you about [Moving Friend]’s going away party, so I decided to not tell them about the movie.”

Snaking Around School

, , , , , | Learning | July 15, 2018

(We have a classmate that is unpleasant to be around. We got a new student this semester; she’s sweet, and is the awful classmate’s latest victim.)

New Girl: *opens her locker and takes out a snake* “Hello, cutie. How did you end up here? I should really get the lock fixed.”

Awful Classmate: “You’re not scared? It’s a biga** snake! It could’ve been poisonous.”

New Girl: “The word you’re looking for is venomous. If it were venomous, I doubt you’d risk it just for the sake of a prank — although I’ve seen people dumber than that — and this sweetheart seems quite calm around humans.”

Boyfriend: “I think we should take it back to the biology lab.”

(They go, leaving the bully shocked, and me laughing.)

Awful Classmate: “What’s so f****** funny?”

Me: “You tried to prank the daughter of a reptile breeder with a snake.”

Awful Classmate: “How was I supposed to know?!”

Me: “Pay attention to anyone other than yourself? I mean, she talks about it quite often.”

(We didn’t have much trouble after that, and the awful girl was kicked out a month later. Lucky us.)

Acting Like A Spoiled Princess

, , , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(My friend is on the tills, on a break between customers. A little girl comes up with a few items, including a fairy princess wand and another toy. She loads them onto the belt and starts to walk over. A woman rushes in, barges past, and loads her stuff on the belt.)

Friend: “Excuse me, madam. That young girl was here first.”

Woman: “Oh, she’s just a child! She can wait! I’m in a hurry!”

(The girl is looking slightly confused by the whole thing.)

Friend: “No, sorry, she was here first and I’m serving her first.”

(He grabs the girl’s items and starts scanning them through. Deciding to keep the rude woman waiting, he starts talking to the young girl.)

Friend: “So, you’re a fairy princess?”

Girl: *smiling* “Yes!”

(The conversation goes on for a minute or two. The rude woman is getting crosser and crosser. My friend gives the girl her change, after slowly counting it out, and she happily goes on her way.)

Friend: *sweetly, to the rude woman* “Next, please.”

(She glared at him throughout the transaction, and didn’t say a word, grabbing her shopping and flouncing away. That will teach her for being rude!)

Free-Flow Thievery

, , , , | Related | July 13, 2018

(My older sister often takes my stuff without permission. It drives me crazy. I finally muster the courage to call her out. I catch her eating while watching TV.)

Me: “[Sister], can we talk for a minute?”

Sister: “Can’t it wait until commercial?”

Me: “No! I’m sick of you taking stuff without permission.”

Sister: “Stop being so sensitive. Aren’t siblings supposed to share?”

Me: “It’s hardly sharing when I have no idea when you took something, what you took, and what you used it for.”

Sister: “Seriously, can it wait until the episode is over?”

Me: “No and… what are you eating?”

Sister: “Some ice cream bar I found in the fridge.”

Me: “That is a dog laxative that was supposed to be kept frozen. I know that because Dad asked me to put it there and put a ‘do not eat’ sticker on it.”

(She had a fun weekend. I love Karma.)

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