Checkout This Justice!

, , , , , , | Right | May 30, 2018

(I’m grabbing some groceries. After I put my items on the belt, the cashier closes the checkout by turning off the overhead light and asking me to place a “Till Closed” separator at the end. [Customer #1] then puts her items on the checkout belt. The cashier tells her the till is closed, but as she only has a few items, the cashier agrees to serve her. [Customer #2] then approaches the checkout.)

Cashier: “Sorry, this till is closed. You need to use the other till.”

Customer #2: “Oh, but I only have one thing.” *makes puppy eyes and waves a single packet of ham*

Cashier: *clearly frustrated* “Okay, fine.”

(The cashier then turns away as she starts scanning my items. [Customer #2] waves her husband over with a full trolley and the two of them start firing items onto the conveyor belt as quickly as they can. The cashier notices them, but seems to ignore it. She finishes serving me, and while I’m organising my shopping opposite the end of the till, she also serves [Customer #1]. The cashier then gets up and starts walking away.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me! Where are you going?”

Cashier: “Home. My shift has ended.”

Customer #2: “Okay… So, will someone else serve me?”

Cashier: “No, this till is now closed. If you want to be served, you can go to the other till.”

(The cashier walks around and locks the gate between the end of the till and the exit.)

Customer #2: “Uh, you said you would serve me here! All my stuff is on the belt. I’m not putting it back in the trolley. The other till is really busy now, too.”

Cashier: “I only said I’d serve you because you said you had one thing. You lied, so I’m not helping you. If you had gone to the other till in the first place, you’d be finished by now.”

Customer #2: *fake giggling and playing cute* “Well, when I said one thing, I meant one trolley!” *giggle*

Cashier: “I don’t care. You can put everything back in your trolley and bring it to the next till.”

Customer #2: “This is terrible customer service! Get me the manager.”

Cashier: “I am the manager, and I’m going home. ” *walks away*

(As I was leaving, I saw [Customer #2] and her husband start putting her items back in the trolley. I really hoped they didn’t open another checkout before [Customer #2] had unloaded everything again at the next checkout.)

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You Can’t Zing At His Level

, , , , , , , | Right | May 28, 2018

(Some customers approach my counter who are obviously tourists from another part of the country; the name of their area is written on pretty much every article of clothing they are wearing.)

Me: “Hi, how are you all doing today?”

Customer: “Excuse me? What did you just say to me?!”

Me: “How are you doing today?”

(She gives me a disgusted look as though I’ve just done the most offensive thing imaginable, then rolls her eyes and speaks to me like I’m a toddler.)

Customer: “Okay, like, first of all, you need to understand something very important here. We’re the good people, who come from the good part of the country, where they have the good stores, that sell the good products, which—” *condescending chuckle* “—YOUR KIND wouldn’t know a thing about. So, don’t act like you can engage us on our level.”

Me: *cheerfully* “Ma’am, I’m afraid my workplace does not possess the industrial drilling equipment necessary to reach your level.”

(She doesn’t even flinch, but turns to the gentleman with her.)

Customer: “This is why we should have gone to [Big City in the state they apparently came from], instead.”

(They walk away.)

Supervisor: “You all hear that? Today, our buffalo wings are only the second zingiest thing here!”

A Very Small Prank

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I work at customer service for a gaming console, and we get a fairly large number of prank calls every day. This is how we respond:)

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service; what can I help you with?”

Kid: “Hi, I got my penis stuck in the disk tray.”

(The kid sounds about 13. His friends are giggling in the background.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; we definitely don’t recommend inserting small objects into the drive.”

(I can hear his friends cracking up.)

Kid: *dumbfounded* “It’s not small!” *click*

What Fun Your Yonder Ignorance Breaks

, , , , , , | | Right | May 18, 2018

(I was born in the southern US and raised there all my life, so I have a THICK southern accent. I also have two degrees, one in archaeology, the other in anthropology. At the time this takes place, I am working on my archaeology thesis, and have taken a job at a local “big box” home improvement store just to make ends meet. I’m about to get off work for the day, and I’m walking back in the direction of the customer service desk to clock out, when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: *with a thick Jersey, or New York City accent*  “Could you tell me where plumbing is located?”

Me: “Just down yonder, ma’am. Under the sign that says plumbing.”

Customer: “’Yonder’? ‘Yonder’? God, that’s why I hate coming to the south: all these d*** uneducated rednecks. ‘Yonder’ isn’t even a word! I’ve taught English all my life and I’ve never heard it. Can’t you use proper English, or is that beyond your eighth-grade education?”

Me: “’Yonder,’ as you might be interested to know, is an old English word that was first recorded as being used in the 1400s, though historians agree that it likely was in popular use prior to that. Specifically, it refers to an instance when the person making use of the term does not know the cardinal direction in which they are directing. Furthermore, when used as a measure of distance, it must be a distance that is greater than a few feet, but shorter than a full mile. Thus, when Romeo makes the famous statement, ‘But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? ‘Tis the east, and Juliet is the sun,’ Romeo is noting that he does not know what direction Juliet is from him in relation to the cardinal directions, and that while she is some distance from him, she is well within the standard of being less than a mile away, but more than a few dozen feet away. In the southern United States, due to the majority of early settlers coming from poorer regions of the United Kingdom, the term ‘yonder’ was retained; whereas in more urban environments, where settlers came from more wealthy locations, the saying fell out of favor, due in no small part to persons not wanting to sound poor.”

Customer: “I… What… I… How do you know that?”

Me: “Studied English in college. It was a requirement.”

Customer: *a bit huffy* “Well what are you studying? Liberal arts? Fat load of good that will do you.”

Me: “Actually, I’ve my masters in anthropology, and I’m finishing up my doctoral thesis in archaeology. I just work here to make some extra cash.”

(The customer gets VERY quiet, and then finally says:)

Customer: “Ah, so, under the plumbing sign?”

(I just nodded while she tottered off. I do believe I rather destroyed her prejudiced idea about all “rednecks” being ignorant.)

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Rat Chance At Redemption

, , , , , , , | Working | May 16, 2018

(I work in a big-box pet store in the pet care department, meaning I do customer service for people interested in buying the fish, reptiles, birds, and small mammals we sell, and I also take care of those animals. I love all animals, and it’s well-known among my coworkers and managers. I particularly enjoy taking care of the rats. Unfortunately, our suppliers keep and ship them in dreadful conditions, and some animals don’t do too well, obviously. Even more unfortunately, one of our new managers has taken it upon herself to micromanage the animal care, but has no experience in this area. She therefore makes mistakes like not turning away shipments of animals that have skin conditions or other serious health issues. Then, she has the nerve to blame employees for not curing them. She particularly hates me for some reason, even though we both adore rats. One new shipment has a rat that is particularly aggressive. Even after acclimating it, it snarls and tries to bite any human who approaches it. I try to steer clear of it because [Manager] insists that it’s just temperamental and won’t send it back or isolate it. One morning, I open the cage to give the rats food, and the evil rat RUSHES at the door, LEAPS out, and bites my finger hard. I wince as I scoop the rat back up with my non-bleeding hand and put it back in the cage, then go to get cleaned up. My finger is completely sliced open. Of course, the first aid kit is in the manager’s office.)

Manager: *immediately chewing me out* “What were you doing to the rat that it did that to you?”

Me: “I just opened the cage, and it rushed toward me before I could react.”

Manager: “Nonsense. Rats are sweet creatures. You did something wrong. That’s it. I don’t want you near the rats anymore. You’re forbidden from interacting with them.”

(I’m offended, and still bleeding, but gently remind her that I am the only person working in the department that morning and still need to give the rats fresh water and potentially show one to a customer.)

Manager: “They’ll be fine without fresh water until [Coworker] comes in. If a customer wants to buy a rat, come get me.”

(Sighing, I went back to work while nursing my finger. An hour or so later, a family came in, and guess what they wanted to buy? I alerted the manager and accompanied them to the rat cages. [Manager] was going on and on about how gentle and sweet rats are and what great pets they are for children. She opened the cage to retrieve an adorable gray one for the customer to pet; of course, it was the evil rat, who did not take kindly to the family’s cooing and promptly chomped down on [Manager]’s finger. She gasped, turned to look at me, and turned red with fury. The family decided a rat was not a good pet for them. [Manager] was eventually transferred to another store, although she never bothered me again for the remainder of her time at our store.)

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