He’s Here To Listen… And Listen… And Listen…

, , | Working | December 5, 2018

(I recently discovered a paid service that allows people to redirect scam calls to an AI. The AI has pre-recorded conversations designed to keep the callers tied up as long as possible, costing them money, too. Eventually the callers figure it out, though; one even accused them of answering with a soundboard. While I don’t feel like affording that service at the moment, the soundboard accusation gave me an idea, one I finally got to use today. The area code is mine, but for a city I’ve never lived in, so I know all calls from that code are scams. Plus, it also isn’t anywhere near where the caller claims to be from, either.)

Credit Services Scammer: “Hello! Are you interested in reducing your debt?”

Dr. Phil Soundboard: “Hello?”

Credit Services Scammer: “Yes, hello! Are you interested in reducing your debt?”

Dr. Phil Soundboard: “Where you from?”

Credit Services Scammer: “I’m calling from Atlanta.”

Dr. Phil Soundboard: “What do you want from me today?”

Credit Services Scammer: “F*** off!” *click*

(Ah, at last these spam calls can be fun!)

Cashiers On Third Day Of Work Are Already Hardened

, , , , , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(I am at a big box store, waiting in line. There is only one line open in the whole store. The poor girl who is checking us out is fairly new. She looks frazzled and is trying to hurry along. When it gets to my purchase, there is a problem ringing something up, and she has to call for the manager. There are well over seven people in line behind me; several let out moans and sighs of aggravation. One particularly obnoxious guy behind me in line has been making plenty of negative comments laced with profanity. He is getting on everyone’s nerves, and of course he just HAS to make a comment.)

Customer: “Well, if they would hire enough f****** people, we wouldn’t have to wait on this stupid b**** to ring everything up wrong.”

(The poor cashier, who I later find out is only on her third day of work, looks like she is about to cry. Fed up, I turn to him.)

Me: “Excuse me. They do hire enough people. I happen to know the manager here, and people come in all the time begging for jobs, get hired, and then don’t show up for work. This poor girl is working as hard and fast as she can, and doesn’t need your snotty attitude.”

(Shocked, he did shut up, but started mumbling under his breath. I gave him a dirty look and he finally marched out of line, cussing along the way. The poor cashier thanked me. She told me she had been yelled at all morning. The people in line behind me smiled at her, one said don’t worry about that jerk, another said they weren’t in a hurry anyway, etc. She told me I made her day.)

Squishing A Customer’s Demands For A Discount Is Oh So Satisfying

, , , , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(I work in a bakery. We mark down items that are due off the shelf that day for quick sale, as well as anything that is damaged. A woman comes up to me carrying a loaf of our expensive cheese and garlic bread that I KNOW is fresh, because I just baked and put it out myself.)

Customer: “You need to mark this down for me!”

Me: “Hi, ma’am, nice to see you. What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “Are you blind? What kind of standards do you have? The top is all squished!”

(Note that while the rest of the loaves we bake and sell have rounded tops, the way this bread is baked, combined with the toppings and other ingredients, means it always comes out brick-shaped. It even comes with its own special label that we affix that has a photo of it on the front, showing how it’s supposed to look. She does not listen when I point this out.)

Customer: “[Company] is supposed to be all about quality… Does this look like quality to you?”

(She’s getting more and more obstinate, even jabbing a finger at my chest. Normally, I wouldn’t care enough to fight her on it, since I can issue markdowns easily, but I am not about to enable her attitude.)

Me: “It looks as it was intended to look, ma’am.”

Customer: “Don’t get smart with me. Do you want me to get your manager over a discount I know you can make?”

Me: “You know what? You’re right. I’m sorry. I see your point now. This is unacceptable.”

(She hands me the bread, looking incredibly smug… right until I crush it into a ball in front of her and nearly spike it into the trash can, still smiling politely at her.)

Me: “Obviously, we can’t offer such shoddy product to our customers. Thank you for letting me know so I could dispose of it. Have a good day!”

(While at the time it was easily one of the most satisfying moments I’ve ever had at work, in hindsight I’m amazed she didn’t go try to get me fired. Instead, she just stared at me looking startled and confused, then turned and ambled off like nothing had happened.)

Defrauding A Fraudster

, , , | Legal | December 4, 2018

(One day, while discussing telephone scammers with a coworker, my cell phone rings. The caller ID shows my area code and exchange, but isn’t a number I recognize. Scammers often spoof the caller ID this way so people will think it’s a neighbor or friend.)

Me: “Hello. Telephone fraud investigations. Agent Smith speaking.” *a total fabrication*

Scammer: *click*

Me: “Huh. He hung up. I wonder why.”

She Slipped Up

, , , , , | Legal | December 1, 2018

I work for a bulk store. I had just clocked out and was about to go home when I saw a woman look around — I assume to make sure no one was around — and pour a little bit of water out of a water bottle.

She proceeded to put her heel in the water and swing it to spread the water, and then laid down on her back right beside the water she’d poured out. She started yelling, “Ow! Oh, my God, I slipped!” and lay there, completely still.

A coworker of mine heard her and came running over to ask what happened. The woman told her she’d slipped on water and fallen, that she wanted a manager to fill out an accident report, and that she needed an ambulance. When the manager came over and started talking to her, I approached them all and told the three of them what I’d seen. The woman started screaming at the top of her lungs until I pointed at the multiple security cameras pointed in the direction the woman had been laying, and told the manager I’d be more than willing to testify in court to what I’d seen.

The woman got up and practically sprinted away, tripped over her own feet, and slid across the concrete floor face-down. We ended up calling an ambulance because she was bleeding pretty badly, and she attempted to sue, but her lawyer dropped the case when the store’s lawyer gave them all the security footage, and the written statement from me as an eyewitness, saying she was already trying to launch a fraudulent lawsuit. This was several years ago, and none of us have seen her back.