Her Biology Is A Grade Crazier

, , , , , , | | Learning | May 15, 2019

(I get along well with both of my lab partners in biology class; all three of us are very prepared, and we usually finish our labs well ahead of everyone else and spend the rest of the time chatting and goofing around. There is one woman in the class, though, who drives me nuts. She’s a lawyer, three months pregnant, who couldn’t find a job as a lawyer and came back to school for Biology. She sits clear across the room, but every time I look up, she’s leaning over my shoulder, telling me what to do, and usually getting the lab protocol wrong. When we’re testing blood cells in an isotonic solution:)

Student: “You need to hold it up to the light!”

(When we’re setting up a hot water bath.)

Student: “Are you sure you have it at the right temperature? I think it needs to be [five degrees higher than correct, which would have killed our yeast cells].”

(On learning I’m studying to be a surgeon:)

Student: “Oh, you don’t want to do that. It makes it so hard to have a family. You’ll regret it.”

(After my lab group and I have finished, cleaned up, and are chatting:)

Student: “You should really be working; you don’t want to waste your education!”

(After two months of this, I snap at her, and she finally backs off. It’s about two weeks later when both of us stay after class to talk to the professor. She is first, and when it becomes clear that they are talking about grades, I offer to leave. She insists that it’s fine, which I think gives our professor the idea that we are friends. I’m on my phone, trying not to eavesdrop, when I overhear this gem.)

Professor: “You know, if you’re serious about bringing your grade up to passing, you might want to study with [My Name]. She had the highest exam grade in the class, and on the last four quizzes!”

(She burst into tears and went running out of the room, much to the bewilderment of our poor professor. And that’s the story of how I made a pregnant lawyer cry.)

Food For Thought-less Students

, , , , , | | Learning | May 15, 2019

(I live with my very poor, but caring family. My dad has recently been sent to the hospital after spraining his foot and my mom is still being affected by the aftereffects of her stroke and is usually bedridden. We are so tight on money that we have to skip dinner sometimes. There is a boy that is not very well-liked by anyone at our school, and for some reason, he just seems to hate me. I’m hanging out with my friends at lunch.)

Bully: “Hey, [My Name], you have food?”

(Due to our family’s status as low-income, I receive free school lunches. I should also mention that the bully is extremely spoiled and wealthy.)

Me: “Yeah, but this is the only food I have for the day, so I can’t really share.”

Bully: *sulks away*

(I think nothing of it, since he usually acts this way, until the office calls me up. I’m confused and go up to see the vice principal. The bully is sitting there in the office with a smug grin.)

Vice Principal: “Now, [My Name], do you know why you’re here?”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Bully: “Yeah, you do.”

Vice Principal: *gestures at the bully to calm down* “Well, your friend here was telling me about how you were bullying and physically harassing him.”

(I know this is because the bully is mad at me because I didn’t give him half of my burrito.)

Me: “What did I do?”

Vice Principal: *raises an eyebrow* “Well, you see, [Bully] here told me that you threw a penny into his eye. I know this might sound really petty, but that is still considered assault and can result in punishment by the law.”

(I’m pretty scared at this point. I’m 14 and stressed out, and I don’t want anything to do with this. We talk some more, and the VP sends me outside to talk with the bully, then sends him outside so he can talk to me. I sit down.)

Vice Principal: “Now, I want you to confirm anything that you feel is true. He says he asked you for some food, and you then threw a penny into his eye. Is that true?

Me: “What? No! I got my lunch, sat with my friend, and started eating until he said that he wanted food. I told him I couldn’t afford any food for the day and he just left.”

Vice Principal: “Wait, didn’t your dad just get sent to the hospital?”

Me: “Yeah, and the stroke is still hitting my mom pretty hard. We sometimes skip dinner just so we can save enough money.”

Vice Principal: “How often does this happen a week?”

Me: “Where he asks me for money or food, or if I skip—“

Vice Principal: “Both.”

Me: “He asks me just about every single day, and I’d say maybe three or four dinners?”

Vice Principal: “All right, call in [Bully].”

Bully: “So, did you decide on the punishment for her yet?”

Vice Principal: “Yes. Her punishment is to receive more school lunches.”

Bully: “Wait, what?”

Vice Principal: “Is it true you ask her for food every day?”

Bully: “I guess?”

Vice Principal: “You guess? Did it ever occur to you that the only reason she doesn’t give you food is that she can’t?”

Bully: “What do you mean?”

Vice Principal:Both of her parents are currently in the hospital. She doesn’t get to eat dinner half the week. Her school lunch is her only source of food, and you are asking me to tell her off for not giving any to you?”

Bully: “What does have to do with her throwing s*** at me?”

Vice Principal: “No, she didn’t. We have cameras, and she did nothing of the sort. What we did catch was you insulting her.”

Bully: *sulking*

Vice Principal: “You will be staying a minimum of 40 yards away from her. You won’t talk to her, nor will you look at her. You will also be receiving two weeks’ worth of lunch detention for lying to me, lying about a situation, lying to get another student in trouble, attempted theft, and harassment. Get out of my office.”

Bully: *stomps off*

Vice Principal: “Listen, [My Name]. If anybody ever bothers you again over food or the likes, you just talk to me and I’ll do my best to support you, clear?”

Me: “Yeah. Thanks, [Vice Principal].”

(My father and mother both got out of the hospital a couple of weeks later and everything in our family is slowly coming back to our old standards. The bully was suspended when he tried to punch a boy when he asked for free food and the boy said no. Thanks to the Vice Principal for supporting me against that bully!)

Dug Himself Into A Hole, The Wrong Hole

, , , , , | | Learning | May 13, 2019

(I’m in my history class during my junior year of high school. I am a rather studious high-schooler, and I am one of my teacher’s favorite students. This day, we are working on questions for a new chapter, and I am trying to focus on my notes. However, this one annoying girl in our class has decided to start a homophobic rant. It should be noted that I am a rather quiet person, and I was the vice president of our school’s Gay-Straight Alliance last year.)

Annoying Classmate: “I just don’t understand why lesbians are attracted to manly-looking girls. They could just as easily get with a guy.”

(I start to twitch, but I try to keep focused on my homework. Other classmates are either staying silent or giving noncommittal answers.)

Annoying Classmate: “I mean seriously, why go with a girl who looks super muscular and manly when you could just have a guy? I don’t understand it.”

(My twitching and seething increases in intensity.)

Annoying Classmate: “Could someone please tell me why some of these lesbians go for super butch chicks? It’s so weird. Like, I just don’t get it.”

Me: “BECAUSE THEY LIKE VAGINA! VAGINA! THEY DON’T LIKE THE BANANA; THEY LIKE THE TACO! THEY. LIKE. VAGINA!”

(Everybody stares at me in shock for a couple of seconds, and then two of my classmates give me high-fives and thank-yous for shutting her up.)

Annoying Classmate: “Mr. [Teacher], aren’t you going to do anything?”

Teacher: “Nope. Now shut up and get to work.”

An Electric Comeback

, , , , , , | | Learning | May 12, 2019

(I am in my final semester of school after taking some time off. I’m taking an Earth-Keeping course, meant mostly for freshman, that I have put off taking. I’m a little older than the rest of the class and at this point, I am working two jobs and being a student. This class is not my top priority, but I am always respectful. Despite that, the professor seems to have a personal issue with me and will randomly ask me to answer obscure questions even though he never does this to anyone else. I don’t care; I just need a D to graduate. While we are on a class walk around campus identifying trees, a fellow student is asking me what the last tree is. I answer her. The professor shouts way too loudly:)

Professor: “Ms. [My Name], since you are feeling so chatty, why don’t you identify this tree?

(He was probably intending to point to the lovely Japanese Maple that was just planted but was instead pointing to a light pole.)

Me: “I don’t know. Americanus Electricus?”

(He got so red and embarrassed by the snickering class, and the dean that was also there to witness my one moment of sass. I rode that small, petty victory all the way to graduation.)

The Cake Is Bittersweet

, , , , , , , | | Friendly | May 10, 2019

I work at a restaurant that offers those “singing and cake” extras for birthdays. One day, I am approached by two teenage boys who pay for the birthday special for their female friend. I’m thinking, “Aw, that’s cute!”

We make the cake and we go sing “Happy Birthday” to their table… and it quickly becomes obvious that the girl is not into it. She’s death-glaring at the boys so hard I’m surprised they don’t burst into flames. They giggle the entire time. When it’s time to blow out the candle, she puts it out between her index and thumb, then smashes the cake against the face of the boy closest to her.

Turns out, she hated this kind of stuff and they got it anyway, just to mess with her. Good times.

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