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Tighten Your Purse Strings

, , , , , | Legal | October 28, 2018

(I am in my junior year of college. My friend and I go to a local fabric and craft store to get some supplies for a sewing project we have in our fashion courses. It’s around the holidays, so it’s extra busy. While we are waiting in line to have some fabric cut, we start to hear a woman screaming across the store.)

Woman #1: “Help! HELP! I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!”

Me: *to friend* “Geez, someone is being demanding. Doesn’t she realize it’s busy—”

(We then hear a large crash and look behind us. [Woman #1] has another woman by the shirt collar and is smashing her into a display of greeting cards.)

Woman #1: “Help! She’s trying to steal my purse!”

Friend: “Holy s***!”

Woman #2: “No, I’m not! You’re lying! I didn’t do anything! Let me go!”

(The manager comes running to find out what is going on. Turns out [Woman #1] had her purse in the front part of her cart and while her back was turned [Woman #2] tried to grab it and run away. That’s when [Woman #1] tackled her into the card display.)

Manager: “Okay, I’ve called the police; they’ll be here to sort this out.”

Woman #2: “No! NOOOOO! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” *sobbing* “I’ve never done this before! I’m sorry! Please don’t call the cops! Let me gooooooo!”

(My friend and I collected our fabric and checked out… clutching our purses tightly to our bodies.)

Not A Different Kettle Of Fish

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2018

(I work at an aquarium. A woman walks up to me while I am tending to the fish. She looks slightly troubled.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you help me with something?”

Me: “Sure, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Well, I see that you take care of all these fish, so you must know what you’re doing. I have never kept fish before, and I’m a little out of my depth.”

Me: “All right. I can help you out with that.”

Customer: “Great! See, my son just got sent to prison, but he had a fish tank. I was hoping that, if I show you a picture of the fish, you could identify them and tell me how to care for them.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about your son, but I will certainly look at the fish.”

(The customer pulls out her phone and shows me a photo of a tank filled with large striped fish. I identify them instantly but am anxious about offending this nice woman.)

Me: “Those are… uh… Honduran red-point convict cichlids.”

Customer: *slowly smiling* “That’s perfect!” *bursts into laughter*

(We then happily discussed the proper care of her new inmates.)

Going To Have A Date Of Death If You Don’t Get It Right

, , , , , | Right | July 14, 2018

(I work in the pharmacy of a regional grocery chain. We require the person picking up a prescription order to give us the patient’s name and date of birth; if they don’t give us the date of birth, we cannot release the prescription order to them. I am doing my scheduled counter rotation when a baby boomer who looks like a redneck Santa approaches. He is talking away on his cell phone.)

Me: “Hi there. Picking up?”

Customer: *pulls his phone away from his face* “Yeah I’m picking up for my mother-in-law. Wife’s after me to get this stuff.”

Me: “Sure thing. What’s her name?”

Customer: “Her name is [Mother-In-Law].”

Me: “And her date of birth?”

Customer: *scoffs* “I don’t know. She’s my mother-in-law. I don’t pay attention to that s***.”

Me: “Unfortunately, our system requires we enter the patient’s date of birth to help prevent prescription theft.”

(The customer quite literally turns very red. I steel myself for an angry tirade.)

Customer: “This is bulls***. Simple mother-f*****…” *storms off, ranting and raving to his wife*

Boss: “[My Name]… what was that all about?”

Me: “He didn’t react very well to me telling him I needed his mother-in-law’s birthdate to release her meds to him.”

Boss: “He was on the phone with his wife, wasn’t he?”

Me: “Yep. Don’t know why he didn’t just ask her.”

OMG-YN

, , , , , | Healthy | July 9, 2018

(After 20 years of seeing only female OB/GYNs, I have moved to a new city and can only get in to see a male gynecologist. I have been reassured by a friend, who is also a doctor, that he is one of the best in his field, but I’m nervous even after chatting with him at his desk. Once I’m by myself and getting “into the position” in an exam room, I notice only one stirrup is up, leaving my foot away from the wall hanging loose.)

Doctor: *knocks politely before entering* “Okay, are you settled in?”

Me: “Well, I couldn’t scoot to the edge of the table because only one stirrup is working. Is it broken?”

Doctor: *smiling and wincing* “No, I just wait until I’m seated to move up that one. Walking into it once was enough to never let that happen again.”

Me: *realizing it would be at groin level for him as well as for me* “Well, that is an occupational hazard I wouldn’t have considered!”

(He’s still my doctor a dozen years later.)

Doing A Disservice To Customer Service, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(I work in a store in the lawn and garden department. I’m on commission, so regardless of how people act towards me, I still try and be as nice as I can to complete a sale. Some people think just because they are in the store, they can get what they want.)

Me: “What can I do for you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I am interested in this patio set. What kind of deal can you make me?”

Me: “Well, it is on a lower sale than it normally is, so it’s already a great deal.”

Customer: “I need something better than that; I’m here and ready to buy.”

Me: “I do happen to have an extra 10%-off coupon that I’m technically not supposed to use, but I’ll give it to you.”

(Note that my boss is “working” near me and is following the whole conversation.)

Customer: “I need more than that, man; you can do better than that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s the best I can do, and I’m not even supposed to be giving you that extra coupon.”

Customer: “Where is your manager? I bet he can get us a better deal.”

(My boss steps a few feet over to the customer.)

Boss: “Sir, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’m here and ready to buy. What can you do for me?”

Boss: “[My Name], what did you offer him?”

(I say my offer.)

Boss: “Sounds like that’s my offer, too.”

Customer: “You’re telling me that’s all you’re going to do for me?”

Boss: “Yep.”

Customer: “I’m never shopping here again. You guys don’t know customer service.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll see you next week, sir.”

(He came in next week and bought it for a higher price and no discounts.)