Reincarnavian

, , , , , | Right | March 17, 2010

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I need to buy this bird.”

Me: “Okay. Have you ever had a bird before?”

Customer: “I’ve had THIS bird before! I need to have this bird! My bird died last week and this bird tells me that he is my bird reincarnated! I need to have this bird.”

Me: “The bird told you?”

Customer: “How else would I know?”

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Chip Off The Old (Cell) Block

, , , , , , | Right | February 6, 2010

(A customer calls in with the phone displaying an error. Per standard cell phone troubleshooting, the first step is to take the battery out and put it back in.)

Caller: “When are you going to get this glitch fixed?”

Me: “It’s not really a glitch, sir. It’s just general routine maintenance, like rebooting a computer.”

Caller: “Don’t give me that s***! How stupid do you think I am! I know computers are not like cell phones! Computers have microchips and stuff in them, and cell phones are way too small to have microchips!”

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Pride Goeth Before The Balls

, , , , | Right | February 2, 2010

Customer: “I want to adopt this dog. When can I take him home?”

Me: “He’ll have to be neutered before he can go home. You can take him home in the afternoon.”

Customer: “Wait, why does he have to be neutered?”

Me: “Well, this is an animal shelter. All these animals are homeless and we don’t want to add to that with any accidental breeding.”

Customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! A dog like him could produce some great pups.”

Me: “Well, it’s our policy. He will be neutered before he leaves this building. It’s required.”

Customer: “Will you guys at least put in fake implants? At least then he can keep his dignity.”

Me: “Um… I don’t think we do that sort of thing.”

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