(I do to-go’s at a popular chain Italian restaurant.)

Customer: *on phone* “Do you have cheese sticks?”

Me: “I can definitely add that to your order!”

(When the guests arrive, I have to show them every piece of their order to ensure it’s correct.)

Customer: *in store* “What’s on top of the sticks?”

Me: “We put an Alfredo sauce over them.”

Customer: “Is that how they always come?!”

Me: “Yes, if you order them in store it’s drizzled over on the plate.”

Customer: “No alfredo sauce! I can’t have that! I have a dairy issue!”

(I work at a club cafe. We specialize in selling pizza, and most of the time our members buy multiple pizzas. It’s a Sunday and we’re understaffed. I am manning the pizza ovens, which are backed up. A woman comes through the line and orders a whole supreme pizza. I put it in the oven and tell her it’ll be five minutes. Two minutes pass.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Where is my pizza?”

Me: “It’ll be three more minutes, ma’am.”

Customer: *sighs and walks off*

(Due to the large amount of pizzas, it takes five minutes longer than expected.)

Customer: *comes to me, looking furious* “Where is my pizza?! It’s been twenty minutes! I don’t have time for this, you know! This is for a friend! I was supposed to be out of here fifteen minutes ago! I’m late because of you!”

Me: *trying really hard not to tell her it’s only been ten, hands over the box and gives her a smile* “Here you go, ma’am. Have a good day.”

(The customer leaves, and five minutes later comes over and slams the box on the counter. There’s a chewed-up, spit-out piece of pizza on the plate.)

Customer: “It’s raw! Raw! You’re trying to kill me!”

Me: “I am very sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll put another one in the oven for you.”

Customer: “No! You’ve wasted my time as it is! It’ll just take another five more minutes! What’s the next one coming out?!”

Me: “A pepperoni, ma’am. In five minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll take that one.”

(Uh… huh. Well, my head hurt now. I pulled the pizza out for her and cut it, apologized again, and let her on her way. She came back again five minutes later to demand plates and complain about bad customer service.)

I’m a cashier in a department store, working at one of the registers near the exit door. I often exchange light-hearted banter with the customers, which most have no problems with. One cold winter day I had a young man come through my line, and his only purchase was a balaclava, a stocking cap which covers all of the head but the eyes and mouth.

During the transaction, I commented about how cold it was and it seemed like a wise purchase. He nodded but didn’t say anything. As I finished the transaction I jokingly said, “Now, I don’t want to read in the news about a robber wearing a black balaclava with a blue stripe!” Immediately, the customer froze and glared at me for a moment, then grabbed the bag containing his purchase and practically ran out the door, depositing the bag in the trashcan on the way by.

Oops!

(I’m working the drive-thru during a Sunday lunch rush, and we get completely slammed with the line wrapped almost all the way around the building. We do not have the back window open because Sundays are usually pretty slow. I have a customer put in a huge order: around $40 with three large premium combos, two large salads, and a few large side items.)

Me: *over speaker* “All right, that’ll be [amount] at your second window. Thanks!”

Customer: “Oh! And if you charge that much, you better have my food out quickly. This is so expensive, and this is fast food, not slow food.”

(I do not respond to this right away because I’m handing out an order to a car at the window.)

Customer: “HELLO!”

Me: “We’ll do our best, sir.”

(The customer huffs and drives off. A few cars later he pulls up.)

Me: “Hi there! [Amount], please.”

Customer: *throws his card at me* “I know the f****** total. Hurry up!”

(I’m about to slide the card, but then he barks.)

Customer: “Hey! I only want [two large salads] and [one of the large combos] on this card. The rest in cash!”

Me: “Okay, sir, we can do that.”

(This is a very time-consuming process and the line is just getting longer. I have to void out all of the items he wants to pay in cash, which requires a manager ID. I then have to re-enter the voided items on a separate transaction, and with this, I have to make sure the cooks and the baggers know that this is still for the car at the window.)

Customer: “Quit chatting with your workers and hurry up!”

Me: *hands the card back to the customer* “Okay, sir, [amount] was charged on your card for…”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Just tell me what I owe in cash, b****! You’re taking way too long.”

Me: “[Amount around $20], please.”

Customer: *hands me a $100.00, which also requires a manager ID* “Here you go. Now hurry up!”

(I’m starting to lose my patience, but I count back the change for him. Luckily by this point all of his food is made, and my manager hands out the food while I hand out the change.)

Customer: “You guys are the slowest fast food place, and talk about overpriced! Give me a discount!”

Manager: “Well, sir, the transaction is complete. I’m sorry. We gave you some extra fries for the wait, though.”

Customer: “Bulls***! This is fast food, and look at all of these people who are waiting forever to because of your slowness.” *motions to all the cars behind him*

Manager: “Okay, sir. You first put in a huge order, and we’re obviously busy, so your food will take a little longer. And second, you were the one who held up the line by separating your transactions at the window. Next time, please do it at the speaker box. Have a good day now.” *slams window shut*

(A policyholder has recently purchased an insurance policy and chosen the monthly payment option with payments withdrawn automatically from his checking account.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking; how can I assist you today?”

Customer: “My name is [Customer], and you people have really messed up, and I’m mad! You need to fix this right now!”

Me: “I have your policy information pulled up and would be glad to help in any way I can. Please explain what has happened.”

Customer: “I’ve only had my policy a month, and you’ve already taken another payment from my checking account. Why did you take more money? I already paid for my policy!”

Me: “You purchased the policy just over a month ago, and your payments are due each month on the same day as your policy started. We submitted the request on [date], as per the agreement. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My checking account is now overdrawn, and it’s your fault. I didn’t give you permission to take any money!”

Me: “Actually, you did. When you signed up for insurance, you paid for only one month of coverage, agreed to monthly payments, provided the routing number and account number for your checking account, and signed a form agreeing to the terms for electronic payments. You were also provided with a schedule, and we sent you email reminders of the date and amount both ten days and three days prior to the withdrawal, even though we are not required by the contract to do so. It is not our error that your account is now overdrawn, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I get all that, but why did you take money from my account?”

Me: “Because that’s the way monthly automatic payments work?!”

Customer: “F*** you!”