Shared Confusion

, , , , , , | Related | September 29, 2017

(I am about fourteen. My mom and I share a weird connection; my dad calls it a “shared brain.”)

Mom: “Hey, [My Name], do you know where the uh… uh…”

Me: “Yeah, Mom, it is next to the uh… uh…”

Mom: “Smart-a**.”

(Pause.)

Mom: “Oh, I found it!. You were right; thanks, [My Name]!”

Dad: “…”

Needs A Stamp Of Reality

, , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(I’m waiting in line behind an older customer who seems disturbed about something. The nicest clerk calls her up. The customer is complaining that the only books of stamps they have are Christmas themed.)

Customer: “I went to the other post office, and all they had was Christmas stamps. I thought your office would be more updated.”

Clerk: “Sorry, but I don’t have any control over what stamps we carry.”

(She grumbles off and the clerk calls me up.)

Me: “I’ll take Christmas stamps…”

Clerk: “Yeah, my son was in the Peace Corps in Kazakhstan for three years. To reach the post office, it took three buses. And when they had to wait for a bus, they had to stand back-to-back to watch out for the wolves.”

Me: “Holy cats.”

Clerk: “Yeah, so, when people like that come in… I just don’t get it.”

Charged With Charged Cheese

, , , , , | Working | September 26, 2017

(I like to go to a fast food place close to work for lunch. I normally order a ham and swiss sandwich with extra swiss, and I’ve never been charged for the extra cheese until this particular visit. After looking at my receipt and noticing the extra $1.00 charge, I park my car and run inside.)

Me: “Hey. I was just in your drive-thru, and I noticed an extra $1.00 charge.”

Employee: “Yes, that’s for the extra cheese you ordered on your sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, but I’ve come here several times and have ordered the same thing. I’ve never been charged for it. Is this something new that you have to charge for?”

Employee: “No, it’s a charge we have for extras. We still have to make some money back; we can’t just give away extra toppings.”

Me: “I understand that. My question is, why am I just now being charged for this? I’ve never been charged for extras. I’ve probably had the same sandwich here about ten times. Why didn’t the cashier tell me before he charged me?”

Employee: “Well, ma’am, I can fix that for you right now.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Employee: *pushing a couple buttons* “You’ll be owing us $11.16 today. Will you be paying in cash or card?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: “You said you’ve had about ten sandwiches, all with extra cheese. A dollar for extra cheese for ten sandwiches, plus tax, comes out to be $11.16.”

Me: “I am not paying for that.”

Employee: “I don’t know how else you’d like me to resolve your issue.”

Me: “Just forget it.” *I start to leave*

Employee: *shouting after me* “Ma’am, you still owe us $11.16.”

Me: “No, I don’t. I’ll leave it alone this time, but next time you need to warn your customers about extra charges.”

Employee: “If you don’t pay now, I’m calling the police! You’ll go to jail!”

(I walked out of the building, and was written up for clocking back in late. I went to that fast food chain one more time, and once again was not charged for extra cheese on my sandwich.)

Droning On With Outrageous Demands

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(People can put their orders in online and then come in later to pick them up. Since I am the most comfortable with computers, I am put in charge of that department. I get an order that has a multitude of items that are currently out of stock. I assemble the email informing the customer that their items are not in stock yet, and that we will contact them when their order is ready, and I send it out. A couple of hours later, a woman comes up to my desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m [Name]. I’m here to pick up my order.”

(I punch her name into the computer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re still waiting for a restock. We will send you an email when we have the items in stock, and you can pick them up then.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand; I need them now. Are you sure you haven’t checked the back?”

Me: “Ma’am, I know for certain that we don’t have these items in stock. Did you receive the automatic email saying we would notify you when your order is ready?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s junk so I deleted it. Do you have my stuff or not?”

Me: “No, we don’t, because we still need to restock.”

Customer: “Then why do you offer this in the first place?! Can’t you have your drones fly faster?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You know, the drones in the [Online Shopping Center] commercial! Once you order something, they can fly a piano straight to your house within 24 hours!”

(Apparently this woman thought that a single ten-pound drone could easily lift a 400-pound piano and get it to its destination in the blink of an eye. The conversation continued, as I tried to tell this woman that things take time to get here due to traffic, weather, drivers, etc. I reassured her that we would have her things in a few days. She ended up leaving in a huff, yelling that she would prove me wrong by ordering her items from [Online Shopping Center] and having them in her arms in ten minutes. The next time I saw her, we made eye contact, she turned bright red and hurried through self-checkout, and as she stormed past my counter she gave me the finger. I guess she didn’t get her items in ten minutes.)

Their Comprehension Is Cassini-Teeny-Weeny

, , , , , | Friendly | September 20, 2017

(It is the day before the Cassini space probe is scheduled to finish its mission and dive into Saturn, and some of us have been talking about it at the office, when [Coworker #1] walks by.)

Coworker #1: “It’s finally getting to Saturn? And they’re going to crash right into it?”

Me: “No. It’s been there a long time, taking pictures of the planet and its moons.”

Coworker #2: “It was launched in 1997, arrived at Saturn in 2004, and it’s been orbiting there ever since.”

Coworker #1: *entirely serious* “Oh, right. Gotcha. So… is it manned?”

Everyone In Earshot: *long, incredulous silence*

Coworker #2: “No.”

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