(A customer calls to inquire about changing his deductible to a percentage deductible.)

Customer: “I heard a thing on a commercial about getting a deductible that’s just 1%. I want that. It’s less than I have now.”  

Me: “It looks like right now you’ve got a $500 deductible. Changing to a 1% deductible would actually increase the deductible quite a bit.”

Customer: “You don’t seem to understand; 1% sounds like less than $500.”

Me: “A 1% deductible is 1% of your entire dwelling coverage. So, in your case, your dwelling coverage is $350,000. A 1% deducible on that would be $3500. It’s only $500 right now.”  

Customer: “No, but see, it sounds like less.”

Me: “But it’s not less.”

Customer: “But it sounds like it is.”

Me: “The only way it would be less than $500 is if your house was insured for less than $50,000.”

Customer: “But it really sounds like it’s a lot less.”

(This went on for about ten minutes. I even walked him through using a calculator to figure 1% of 350,000. I finally told the customer I would be happy to change him to a 1% deductible as long as he was willing to come into the office and sign a letter I typed out stating that he understood that just because 1% SOUNDS like less than $500, it was not, in fact, less. It was quite a bit more.  He ended up coming in and signing it, all the while looking like he just pulled one over on us. He saved less than $20 per year changing his deductible to be 1%.)

(I work at a major retail store and we have some clearance items right now. Unfortunately, things get moved around a lot, or they are put in the right spot but don’t receive new stickers or have their prices updated in our system. The higher-ups at my job have decided that even if that is the case, we are only allowed to sell them for what the current sticker says. A lady comes in and is getting a bunch of clearance pantyhose and shape-wear.)

Customer: *as I’m ringing up the first item* “These were all on clearance on a $1 rack. Can you make sure they ring up properly?”

Me: “It looks like this one rang up fine.”

(I ring through a few more identical items and they ring up the same. I get to another item and it is marked at $2. I ring it up and it, as I thought, comes up as $2.)

Customer: “That’s not supposed to be $2.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to change the price on it. I am only allowed to sell it for the price marked on it.”

Customer: *becoming frustrated* “But it was on the shelf marked $1. Can’t you do something about it? I spend thousands of dollars here every year. Can’t you change it because it was in the wrong spot?”

(I say nothing and decide it would be easier if I don’t argue with her; we wouldn’t want to lose her “thousands” of dollars.)

Customer: “Thank you; that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Me: “…”

(I work as a customer service manager at a furniture store. We do thousands of deliveries a day. As such, we have very strict rules that, while you can pick the day of the delivery, it must be a day where you can be home all day long. We call you the day before we come out and narrow it down to a window, but when the order is first created, all we can say is a time between 7:00 am and 7:00 pm. If you want to make any changes to the order or reschedule, you must call our corporate office by 10:00 am the day before the delivery. We generally call to give our customers their window around 1:00 pm the day before the delivery. So, if you want to reschedule, you must do so before you have the window. Once you have the window, it’s set and cannot be changed, and any attempt to do so will involve a hefty cancellation fee, because at this point the items are already loaded on the truck. This call takes place in the afternoon before a customer’s delivery.)

Customer: “I just was speaking to the person who was giving me my delivery window, and the time might hit some issues, as I will be gone to take my kids to school and will be gone around fifteen minutes. If the delivery guys arrive in that time and can just wait, that would be great.”

Me: “I can give them a note, and they will wait a few minutes, but if they have to wait too long they will be forced to leave for their next stop. They won’t be able to come back, and we will have to charge you a new delivery fee.”

Customer: “Uh, no. That’s not going to happen, because I’m telling you about this now. I was told I can change anything I want 24 hours before the delivery.”

(At this point I want to be an a** and point out that he doesn’t have 24 hours anymore, as his delivery is scheduled for the early morning, and it is currently the afternoon of the day before, but I decide not to nit-pick.)

Me: “Actually, sir, if you look at the delivery agreement given to you, it says that you must call before—”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I was told I could change things if I wanted, and I only just now received the window! I can’t be there for the whole window!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but I can’t promise that my drivers will—”

Customer: “Cancel it!”

Me: “Sir? Are you saying you want me to cancel your order?”

Customer: “Yes! Cancel the whole thing!”

(I don’t play this game. When someone says they want to cancel and get a refund, I’m happy to oblige, even though this is a two-thousand-dollar order.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I can do that for you. You should see the money back on your account in three to five business days.”

Customer: “Good.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

(I cancelled the ticket and refunded his credit card. His wife called back twenty minutes later and remade the ticket and was able to reschedule for Sunday. I really wish I could have heard their conversation when he had to tell her that he canceled their new bed and mattress.)

(At our shoe store, we have five aisles. Each aisle has signs that tell the sizes. A customer walks in the store and looks at a display shoe, and then comes up to me asking me if we have it in size eight.)

Me: “Here’s everything we have in size eight. Go ahead and look around and let me know if you have any questions.”

Customer: “Do you have that shoe in size eight?”

Me: “We don’t have it in size eight, but we have some other shoes that looks similar to it right here on this wall.”

(Five minutes later, she gets shoes from size seven-and-a-half.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I have a question.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, go ahead.”

Customer: “Do you have this one in size eight?”

Me: “Ma’am, everything we have in size eight is on the size eight’s wall. We don’t have anything in the back room!”

Customer: “So, you don’t have it in size eight?”

Me: “We don’t.”

Customer: “Can you double-check if you have it in the back?”

Me: “…”

(I can’t complain too much because I end up getting my license renewed in 10 minutes, but I have the weirdest conversation with the employee who processes it.)

Employee: “Wow, 21? Did you get hammered on your birthday?”

Me: *the question takes me by surprise, but I laugh a bit* “Oh, no; I just went out for a drink with some friends. I was living in New York before coming back to Colorado, which is why the license is so expired.”

Employee: “Oh. So, what were you in New York for?”

Me: “Completing my clinical hours for a degree in music therapy. I worked in hospice, on an adult and pediatric program.”

Employee: “Aw, where babies go to die?”

Me: *pause* “Unfortunately, yes, sometimes.”

Employee: “So, music therapy. You help people sleep?”

Me: “Not quite.”

(I explained a little about music therapy, grabbed my license, and shimmied on out of there. All I know is that I didn’t go through four years of school and 1,200 clinical hours to help people sleep!)

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