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Zodi-whack

, , , , | Right | January 11, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering where your Louisville location is?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We do not have a store in that area.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

(Ten minutes later, the phone rings again. It is the same woman.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was just wondering where your Louisville location is? The last girl I talked to sounded like a Taurus, and my horoscope today said I cannot trust one of those people.”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’m a Scorpio. You can trust me when I say that we do not currently have a store in Louisville.”

Caller: “You mean [Store] hired a Scorpio? Those are the worst! Have your owners call me when they fire you so that I can finally go back there!” *hangs up*

Dummy Request

, , | Right | December 31, 2010

(We have dummy displays set up of all the phones we sell.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you with a new cell phone today?”

Customer: “No. I’m just looking for a new battery for my phone.”

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t carry batteries for cell phones. You might try the battery store across the street.”

Customer: “How much to buy one of the displays?”

Me: “Well, those are just dummy phones.”

Customer: “I know that. I just want to take the battery from it.”

The Following Stupidity Takes Place In Real Time

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2010

(A very intoxicated guest walks in at night.)

Me: “Good evening. How can I help you?”

Guest: “I lost the key to my room.”

Me: “Do you have your photo ID?”

Guest: “No, I lost it. My room number is 4321.”

(Our highest room number is 558.)

Me: “What is the name on the room?”

Guest: “Jack. Jack Bauer.”

Me: “We don’t have a Mr. Bauer staying with us tonight.”

Guest: “That’s ridiculous! Jack Bauer fights terrorism everywhere! All the time!”

Taxing Faxing, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | November 5, 2010

(We require full coverage insurance on vehicles we sell that we are financing in-house. I call the customer to tell her she needs to provide us with proof of insurance.)

Me: “We need you to fax us your current proof of insurance, ma’am. You can have your insurance agent fax it over.”

Caller: “I’ll just use the fax at my work. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

(She calls back in an hour.)

Caller: “Okay, they said I could use the fax. How do I send it to you?”

Me: “Maybe you could ask someone there to help you?”

Caller: *yelling* “Bob! I need to fax this to the car place!”

Bob: *in background* “What’s the fax number?”

(I tell the customer the fax number.)

Customer: “Okay, it’s working.”

(My fax machine rings, and her insurance starts printing.)

Customer: “Now make sure you send that back to me, it’s my original and I have to keep it in my car!”

Me: “Um… it should be sitting on your fax machine.”

Customer: “Wow, these fax things are fast!”

Sales (Baby) Boom

, , , , , | Right | September 27, 2010

(The store allows you to pay off your store credit card bill at any of their stores. I am in the store paying off the company’s bill at one of the regular checkout stations. I have my five-month-old son with me in his carrier, which I put on the counter while the clerk is scanning the statement stub and the check. Another customer comes up behind us, sees the carrier, but no items, on the counter, and the clerk scanning a check.)

Customer: “Is she buying a baby?”

Clerk: *without missing a beat* “Yep, she got the last one on the shelf.”