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South Of South End

, , , , , | Working | June 12, 2012

(I’m Australian and have an accent.)

Coworker: “You sound funny. Where are you from? Boston?”

Me: “Australia.”

Coworker: “Really? You still live there?”

(I think my coworker is just trying to be funny, so I play along.)

Me: “Yup! It’s such a long drive for work every day.”

Coworker: “Oh my God, I bet! What time do you have to leave home to get here on time?”

(I still carry on with the joke, but I’m starting to suspect she may actually be serious.)

Me: “Oh, it’s not too bad. Only takes a couple of hours.”

Coworker: “How awesome! You SO have to have a barbecue one day! I have always wanted to go to Australia!” *walks off*


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Trick And/Or Treat

, , , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2011

(It’s getting close to Halloween. I’m doing my daily duties when I hear a woman talking to her son.)

Son: “Mom, can we get these candies for Halloween?”

Woman: “No! For the last time, we are not getting candy!”

Son: “Why not?!”

Woman: “I’m a teacher. Our house will get TP’d whether we have candy or not!”


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If You Can’t Bring The Pizza To The Mountain…

, , , , | Right | June 23, 2011

(Sometimes the customers that call are out of our delivery area. We have to find out which restaurant delivers to them.)

Me: “What are your major cross streets?”

Customer: “Federal and Quincy.”

Me: “Okay. That could be one of two stores. Are you North or South of Quincy Avenue?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “All right. Can you face Quincy from where you are standing?”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Are the mountains on your left or your right?”

Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

Me: “Yeah. But are they to your left or right when facing Quincy?”

Customer: “They are in the west.”

Me: “The mountains are always in the west. If the mountains are to the east of you, you aren’t in Denver.”

Customer: “No. The mountains turn with me.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

Me: “Yeah, that would mean you’re in Denver. Now are they on your left or your right?”

Customer: “I’m telling you, the mountains are in the west!”

Me: “I’m not arguing the geography with you. I’m trying to find out where you are.”

Customer: ”Never mind. You’re an idiot.” *click*


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When Kids Break Out On Their Own

, , , , , , | Right | May 17, 2011

(I am working in the toy section of the retail store. I receive a call around 8 pm.)

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [retailer], toys. How can I help you?”

(A quiet little girl, not much older than ten, answers.)

Girl: “Hi, um…can you help me find something for my mommy?”

Me: “Sure, honey. What are you looking for?”

Girl: “Um, I need an exercise thing. It’s like, a bar that you put on the ground and pull on.”

(I’m not sure what she means. I walk over and scan the exercise section really quickly, but see nothing like that.)

Me: “Sorry, honey. We don’t really have anything like that. I can tell you some stores you might find it at.”

Girl: “Okay.”

Me: “If you can put your mom on the phone, I’ll give her the store names.”

Girl: “My mommy’s not home. It’s just me and my little brother. We accidentally broke my mommy’s thing, and we’re trying to find where to get one so she won’t be mad.”

Storm Of Protest

, , , , | Right | April 28, 2011

Customer: “I would like to make a birthday reservation for July 12.”

Me: “Okay, we can certainly do that for you.”

Customer: “Before I do that, could you tell me what the weather is going to be like that day?”

Me: “Ma’am, that visit date is over a month away. We don’t have any idea what the weather will be like.”

Customer: “But, I thought you had one of those weather-predicting machines…”