Helping The Needy

| Salem, OR, USA | Learning | October 31, 2017

(To make the day more interesting, I am asking the prospective students about their Halloween.)

Me: “So how was your Halloween? Did you dress up?”

Student Caller: “I was Spock, of course.”

Me: “Awesome. Live long and prosper.”

Student Caller: “The needs of the many…”

Me: “…are greater than the needs of the few.”

Student Caller: “Or the one.”

*long pause*

Student Caller: “Marry me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Student Caller: “What, is this moving too fast for you? Okay, how about a date? Coffee? I can be there in four hours!”

Me: “Uhh… I don’t think this is appropriate. If you have any questions, you can call the office of admissions-”

Student Caller: “Wait! I need to tell my mom I’ve met the future Mrs. Finkler!”

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Unfiltered Story #88592

, | Unfiltered | October 30, 2017

My philosophy professor is known to go on rants and make his point using strange or funny examples.

Professor: ” the thing is defined by the thingyness.”

On the topic of dating

Professor: ” guys wake up and do some shopping!” And “I want a car with ingetiry I the backseat”

So Cute You Could Just Eat Them Up

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2017

(I work on a college campus as a dispatcher for the campus police. The college is small and backs right up to a mountain and desert area so there can be wildlife. It also has a larger number of international students. One evening I am at work and my sergeant on duty is going over paperwork in the office when I get a panicked, hysterical 911 call.)

Me: “911, what is your emergency?”

Caller: *with a heavy accent* “Oh, oh, oh, please! You have to help! You have to help!”

(Adrenaline starts pumping; I can tell by her voice that she is truly terrified. My change of demeanor has my sergeant leaping up, ready to get out the door as soon as we have a location.)

Me: “Ma’am, please tell me where you are.”

Caller: “I’m in my car— I’ve locked the doors. Oh, my god, there are people walking around! They are going to get eaten!”

Me: *thinking: WTF, eaten?* “Ma’am, what is the emergency? Where are you parked?”

Caller: “It’s— There’s— It’s wild foxes! They are right here! By the [Building], just-just-just here!”

(My sergeant, who is listening but can’t be heard, loses it. She is cracking up so much and I have to stay professional sounding.)

Me: “Ma’am, did the foxes approach you in anyway? Are they following people around?”

Caller: “No; oh, god, is someone coming? There are people just out and they could get eaten!”

(My sergeant indicates that she will go so the other officers can complete their rounds.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, an officer is on there way. Foxes generally don’t eat people. It is okay.”

(My sergeant is there in about three minutes and then calls me less than ten minutes later, laughing so hard she is crying.)

Sarge: “[My Name]! They… they… they are just two baby foxes! Tiny cubs! Playing in the sprinklers… She locked the car and wouldn’t even roll down the window to talk to me! There are students taking pictures of the foxes. I finally got her to crack the window and convinced her she could drive away. BABY foxes!”

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Don’t You Speak Asian? – Part 2

| CA, USA | Learning | August 1, 2017

(At the beginning of the semester, our class split into five groups, each assigned a chapter from the book to teach to the rest of the class on a particular day. Each group gets a whole class period, and must create a lecture and activity relevant to their assigned chapter. During these student-taught classes, our teacher acts as a student. The second group is teaching about nonverbal and verbal communication, and have discussed accents. For their activity, they ask us to get in our assigned groups, and one person from each group is given a card with an accent, a type of nonverbal behavior, and a word on it. The way to play is that the person with the card holds it up to their forehead and the rest of their group tries to get them to guess the word while speaking in the given accent and displaying the given nonverbal behavior. Our teacher is part of the first group, and the cardholder holds up their card. The accent is “Indian.” Our teacher is an Indian man.)

Me: *to my group members* “Oh, this is going to be bad.”

(The first group finally manages to guess their word, and they sit down. My teacher has a wry look on his face. The second group gets “Middle Eastern accent” on their card.)

Student: “The Middle East isn’t a country…”

(My group is called up, and I take the card. Note that there are two white people in my group, two Mexican people, and one Japanese woman. I hold up the card, and everyone immediately looks at the Japanese woman.)

Japanese Group Member: “Wow, really?”

Me: “I can already tell that whatever happens from here, isn’t going to be good.”

Japanese Group Member: “It’s not.”

(She gets me to guess the word, and we sit down. I look at the card, and it says “Asian accent.” At this point, we’re all pretty unhappy with the teaching group who put together this activity. The fourth and final group goes up. There are two black people in this group, and their guesser is given a card that says “African accent.” The “game” could not be over soon enough. After class, my group is discussing the session overall.)

Me: “So… that activity was the worst.”

The Rest Of My Group: “Oh, absolutely.”

(The worst part is that the cards were not picked at random; the teaching group went through the stack and picked one out specifically for each group.)

Law Student Breaking The Law

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | Learning | July 31, 2017

(We have roughly 40 libraries on campus, and all students can use the services at any of them. At our school’s libraries we lend out tablets for a two-day period, and laptops for six hours. The tablets may leave the library; the laptops are never allowed to leave. We keep your student ID as collateral until the laptop is returned. This library is across the street from the law school’s library, so we get a lot of law students borrowing the equipment, which is usually fine, until this Saturday…)

Law Student: “Can I borrow a tablet?”

Coworker: “I am sorry, we are out of tablets. You may have better luck at the other libraries on campus.”

Law Student: “Well, can I borrow a laptop? I want to take it to the law library.”

Coworker: “I am sorry, sir, but the laptops are not allowed to leave this library. You are free to use it here.”

Law Student: “Well, what if I just use it outside this library door? Can I do that?”

Coworker: “Well, no, they are not allowed to leave the library, period.”

Law Student: “Know what? Fine. I will borrow it and stay here.”

(My coworker goes over the policy with the law student, who has to sign to state he understands it must stay in the library and be back within six hours. Towards the end of the day, the coworker walks around the library, and realizes the student is nowhere to be seen. He is so upset with this patron that he leaves the library, walks across the street to the law library, and finds him.)

Coworker: “I need the laptop back now. I made it clear it wasn’t to leave, and now this is theft.”

Law Student: “What are you talking about? You said I could borrow it for two days! I was going to return it on Monday.”

Coworker: “That is not true and you know that. You signed an agreement that states you understand the laptop can’t leave, and it had to be back within six hours. I need it back now!”

Law Student: “Not until you return my student ID to me.”

Coworker: “Laptop first, then the ID.”

(This went on for a while, until the student finally handed the laptop over. He never did come back for his ID, but he emailed our supervisor insisting that they mail it across the street to the law school. My coworker got chastised for leaving the library unattended, but otherwise handled it better than I would have. We had never had this happen before!)

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