Let’s Hope The Project Is A Tardis

| ON, Canada | Learning | August 14, 2015

(I am in an advanced degree course, working on a project. My two classmates had worked hard on part one, so I assumed the same on part two. Then this happens:)

Me: “When should we work on this?”

Classmate #1: “I have work on Sunday and Monday, so it will have to be after that.”

Me: “It’s Thursday; how about tomorrow or Saturday?”

Classmate #2: “I have a midterm late Friday I need to study for and it’s late in the evening. I have work Saturday.”

Me: “How about Tuesday then?”

Both: “No, I have a midterm Tues/Wed.”

Me: “So do I, but we need to do this. How about just a few hours on Tuesday?”

Classmate #2: “Let’s meet up Thursday.”

Classmate #1: “That’s perfect; it’s after all our midterms. What time?”

Classmate #2: “1:30?”

Me: “You guys know this is due Wednesday, right?”

Classmate #1: “Yeah, but there’s no time. Let’s do it Thursday.”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, Thursday.”

(They never did see the problem with that.)

The Music Of Math

| UK | Learning | July 31, 2015

(A group of plumbers have come to take a technical course, which includes learning higher maths. I’m trying to teach it to them but they keep insisting they don’t need to know it. I decide to try making it relevant to their job by setting them a problem which involves assessing the cost of various plumbing jobs based on a list of costs I give them. Sadly, they take this as an opportunity to show off…)

Student #1: “No, I wouldn’t pay that much for piping. I’ve got a mate who’ll sell me it for half that price.”

(Later.)

Student #2: “I wouldn’t charge tax. I take cash in hand.”

Me: “That’s irrelevant right now. Just do the problem that’s been set.”

Student #3: “But you haven’t included music in the expenses.”

Me: “Music?”

Student #3: “For listening to while I work.”

Told His Stories In Passing

| USA | Learning | April 17, 2015

(It’s the first day of class and the teacher, an old man, is telling us about himself. He has a jovial, carefree attitude.)

Teacher: “Yeah, I was in the war and I watched my buddies die, and I got shot multiple times myself, but I survived somehow. Made me realize how fleeting life is, you know? Anyway, since then, I’ve been skydiving and once my parachute didn’t open and I slammed into the ground. Broke nearly every bone in my body but survived. I guess I’m just one of those people that cheats death!”

(The students are listening with fascination, and the teacher goes on with the lesson. I don’t think anything of it, until the next day…)

Student: “Where’s the teacher? He’s late and we can’t get into the classroom.”

Me: *jokingly* “Maybe he finally kicked the bucket, haha.”

Student: “Yeah, right! If he can survive two wars and skydiving into the ground, he’ll live forever!”

(Sadly, another teacher came soon after and informed us that the old teacher had indeed suddenly passed away, at 89. I guess no one is immune after all!)

Did You Know Gullible Isn’t In The Dictionary?

| Missoula, MT, USA | Friendly | March 25, 2014

(I ride on my university’s equestrian team, and we carpool to the barn for lessons. This conversation takes place between me and a girl from California.)

Girl: “So, [My Name], you’re from Alaska, right? Do you have penguins there?”

Me: “Uh…yeah, actually. Sometimes I run them over with my dog sled team.”

Girl: *gasps* “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, and our high school is a giant igloo, and the security guards are trained polar bears!”

Girl: “Wow!”

(I can no longer keep a straight face, and crack up)

Me: “Oh, my god! No, not really! It gets colder here than back home!”

Sisters Are Like Chalk And Cheese

| IA, USA | Related | January 16, 2014

(My sister, who never calls me unless there’s an emergency, calls me randomly at college.)

Me: “Hey. What’s going on?”

Sister: “I’m making this meal I saw online, but I can’t seem to find the right cheese for it. Where do you go to get cheese?”

Me: “Umm… Well, it all depends on the type of cheese you need to use. Do you know the name?”

Sister: “Yeah. It’s called Colby and Monterey Jack. I keep looking, but the closest thing I can find is Colby Jack.”

Me: “Sweetie, that is Colby and Monterey Jack…”

Sister: “But it says Colby Jack!”

Me: “It’s the exact same thing!”

Sister: “Well, that’s not what it says!”

Me: Just get it, and you can blame me if it doesn’t taste right.”

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