There’s A Twist At The End

, | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, School

(I serve ice cream on a buffet line in the college’s cafeteria. There’s vanilla, chocolate, and twist on the soft serve machine.)

Student: “Can I have some soft serve vanilla ice cream?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we ran out.”

Student: “Oh. Then can I have the twist?”

Caught With Her Pants Down

| OR, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, School

(I manage a set of female residence halls at a small, private university.)

Me: “Hello, Ms. Smith? This is the residential coordinator for your daughter’s hall. I’m calling on behalf of my student staffer to find out what’s going on that you’re concerned about.”

Mom: “What?! Why the h*** you callin’ me? That’s stupid!”

Me: “Well, you contacted my student staff saying that you needed to talk to them immediately about your daughter. I told them I would call you back because there are a lot of legal issues surrounding parent communication that they are not necessarily up to date on. So, what’s the problem?”

Mom: “I hate this university. That is so stupid. Well, anyway, some stupid [Asian slur] stole my daughter’s pants from the laundry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what? Tell me exactly what you know.”

Mom: “Well, she went down to move her laundry into the dryer, and someone already had done it! She was only an hour late! And there was some [Asian slur] girl doing her own laundry! She told my daughter that she didn’t move the laundry, that it was already moved when she got there, but she could hardly speak English, so she’s lying.”

(Note: We have five washers for 200 girls. You have to be on top of your laundry or someone will move it so they can do their own. 10 minutes is the grace period we encourage people to give others.)

Me: “Okay, well, I will talk to your daughter and get some more information, including who the other student was.”

Mom: “It was a [Asian slur]! I’m so disgusted with this University. We pay so much for it and it’s terrible.”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to stop saying that word. We have several students of Asian descent who live in the building, and I honestly cannot imagine any of them stealing laundry. I will talk to your daughter to get more information and hopefully find the pants. I hope one student’s potential actions don’t cloud your judgment of the university as a whole.”

Mom: “Well, I am going to go say very bad things about this University to everyone I know! You all should teach students how to handle laundry and how to be nice people! It’s your job!”

Me: “I will be sending a reminder email about laundry etiquette to the building, but all I can do is encourage good behavior. We also will document the situation with the pants, and try to find out what happened. I hope we find them. Is that all I can help you with?”

Mom: “Well, I’m very angry, and it’s stupid that you called, and that d*** [Asian slur] needs to be sent back to her own country!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. Goodbye.”

(Five minutes later, the resident found her pants, in her room, in her laundry basket. She hadn’t looked for them before talking to her mother. I hate my job.)

Error: Tuition Not Found

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

(I’m in grad school. I work part-time at the university IT desk.)

Me: “This is [University] service desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I’m having a problem with my computer. Could I schedule a time to come in?”

Me: “Sure thing. What’s your student ID number?”

Caller: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You can find it on the back of your student ID.”

Caller: “I don’t have an ID.”

Me: “If you don’t have one of those yet, you can get it from the ID office in [Building]. Do you have any documents from [University]? Almost all documents you’d get from us have your ID at the top.”

Caller: “No. I’m not a student.”

Me: “Are you a faculty member, or an alumnus?”

Caller: “No. I’ve never been to [University]. I just heard you have tech support.”

Me: “Okay… I’m afraid we only offer support to students and faculty. I have the number of a local repair shop if you need it.”

Caller: “Will they charge me money?”

Me: “Probably.”

Caller: “But you offer your services for free.”

Me: “… TO STUDENTS. This is a help desk for students of [University] ONLY. We don’t offer support to the general public.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we’re not a computer repair shop. We’re a part of [University] and we exist solely to offer tech support to students and faculty. I’m afraid we can’t help you if you’re neither. Would you like that phone number now?”

Caller: “I don’t understand why you won’t just let me bring in my computer! It would only take a minute.”

Me: “We can’t service your computer because you’re not a student.”

Caller: “That’s so mean! What’s so special about being a student?”

Me: “Tuition?”