(I’m a peer advisor at my college, which includes figuring out what the student is looking for to best service them before we send them to an advisor. This conversation happens about 4-5 times a month.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Student: “I want to talk to an advisor.”

Me: “Okay, about general education requirements or major requirements?”

Student: “Major requirements.”

Me: “Okay, for that you actually have to go to the major department and meet with an advisor there. We can only cover general education requirements here.”

Student: “But I want to speak to an advisor.”

Me: “Yeah, but for that you have to speak to someone in that department.”

Student: “Okay. Well, where is it?”

Me: “The department?”

Student: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “Well, what’s your major?”

Student: “Can I please just speak to an advisor?”

Me: “Well, I can’t help you figure out where that is until you tell me what your major is.”

Student: “I just want to talk to someone! Can’t I just see someone here?”

Me: “Well, like I said, we can only advise you on your general education requirements, so—”

Student: “Yes! That’s what I want to talk to someone about!”

Me: “Okay, let me sign you in. Someone will be with you in just a bit.”

(The student signs in and huffs off to a seat to wait. A coworker of mine takes the student after I’ve warned him about what happened. Less than a minute later, I see the student stomping out of our office. My coworker comes back to the front desk.)

Me: “Major requirements?”

Coworker: “Yup.”

(It’s finals week and a student approaches our help desk.)

Student: “Your copy machine isn’t working. My papers won’t come out.”

Me: “It’s probably jammed. I’ll have my coworker fix that for you.”

(My coworker follows the student to the copy machines. After a few minutes, the student runs by me in tears. My coworker comes back a few moments later.)

Me: “What happened?!”

Coworker: “She used the shredder instead of the copy machine.”

(My boyfriend and I are up late in the evening, editing stuff for the campus TV station. I’m dead tired and extremely sick.)

Boyfriend: “I love you.”

Me: “That’s nice. I’m thirsty.”

Boyfriend: “…but I love you.”

Me: “Then get me a drink.”

(My roommate and I are both single for Valentine’s Day, so we decide to go fishing for men-folk. We each grab a large stick, some string, and bait (hers being a Star Wars book, mine being a One Piece DVD, a zippo, and a dog tag). We sit on a half wall outside our college cafeteria, and fish. She is a fairly relaxed fisher, but I wave my bait in the face of every passerby.)

Me: “Fishy, fishy, fishy!”

(Some people avoid all eye contact, lots ask what we are doing, and a few nibblers investigate the bait, but move on. One fishy, however, decides to jump into the ‘boat’ with us, and spent the rest of the time hanging out. We are now dating. Every now and then he smiles at me.)

Boyfriend: “I am so glad I decided to get caught on Valentine’s Day.”

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(It is very early in our relationship, before we are comfortable farting in front of one another. My boyfriend is visiting me while I am at college. I am living in the dorm, so he is sleeping on the floor while I sleep in the tiny bed.)

Boyfriend: “You know you farted in your sleep last night?”

Me: “I fart in my sleep all the time.”

Boyfriend: “I looked over because I thought you’d woken up and done it on purpose, and a smile slowly spread across your face.”