(My boyfriend and I have been together three years. We’re cuddled up, half-napping.)

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “…I didn’t say anything.”

Me: “I know, but you had a thought.”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “How could you tell I had a thought?”

Me: “You made your tiny little ‘I-had-a-thought’ noise.”

Boyfriend: “I was worried we had hit the telepathic stage of our relationship.”

(My college has a free laser tag game set up in the courtyard by a local group. One of the players, a boy I know fairly well, is knock-kneed to the point of it being a minor disability, and slowing his steps tremendously. He is a good shot, however, and wishes to play. We have about three rounds when a woman storms up to the two men running the event as we all re-load.)

Woman: “Why are you letting them pick on this poor boy?”

Employee #1: “Pick on… who?” *looks at group, confused*

Woman: *points at the knock-kneed boy* “Him!”

Me: “We’re picking on you?”

Boy: “No, don’t think so. I’m having fun!”

Woman: “How can you have fun? They can all run around, and you can’t! You have to hold still!”

Boy: “A lot of people hold still, there are the forts to hang onto.”

Girl: “And thanks for reminding him about the disability, lady.”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, I assure you [company] does not allow bullying in its games.”

Woman: “You can’t let disabled people play sports! They feel discriminated against!”

Employee #1: “So, in order not to discriminate against this boy by letting him play, we should discriminate against him by not letting him play?”

Woman: “I’m reporting this!” *storms off to the help desk*

(She found out that the help desk was student run, and the boy running it was the knock-kneed boy’s former roommate. She was laughed out!)

(I have been sick for the past few days, and I’ve been terribly worried about getting everyone else sick. My boyfriend and I are walking to get some lunch.)

Boyfriend: *coughs*

Me: “Oh, no! I don’t want you to get sick because of me! At least if you get sick from somebody else I can blame that person.”

Boyfriend: “But if I get sick from you, then I can have your germs inside of me!”

(My boyfriend and I attend the same university, but we have different majors. Therefore, our exam schedules are completely different. I have a bunch of midterms while he has only a few assignments. Since he knows I haven’t had the opportunity to buy groceries with all my exams happening, he offers to get me what I need on his grocery run. We’re both TV junkies, and he’s just gotten me into a new series.)

Boyfriend: *text* “Hey, send me a list of things you need. I’ll pick them up for you.”

(I list off some food essentials I need.)

Boyfriend: “Anything else?”

Me: *joking* “Seasons 4-6 of Supernatural. 3 too if you can find it, between the breads and coconut juice.”

Boyfriend: “You mean on DVD?”

Me: “Yup yup. Garnished with all the extras on top too please!”

Boyfriend: “I’ll see what I can do…”

(Later, when we meet up after a rather stressful exam to grab my groceries, he tells me he got everything and that he’s pretty sure the TV season is at the bottom of the bag. I figure he’s joking along until I see he’s actually serious. I nearly rip apart the bag in the process of getting to the bottom to find that he actually DID buy one of the seasons!)

Me: *absolutely speechless* “I was kidding!”

Boyfriend: “I know, but you’ve been working so hard lately, under a lot of stress and yet still try and make time to spend with me. I figured you deserved something that would brighten your day.”

(He was right. It was the nicest surprise I’d ever gotten, and totally made my day!)

This story is part of our Junk Food Day roundup!

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(I work at a very busy college, with around 10,000 spread over three sites. During office hours, all calls divert to the main free-phone number, which just happens to be covered by me.)

Me: “Hello, [company name], how can I help?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to make a complaint. I sent an email around two weeks ago and still haven’t heard anything back!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me check the records and I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”

(I then check all emails from two weeks ago, then three weeks ago. No luck. When I look for one week ago, I find the enquiry and the reply, sent within three hours. I call the client back.)

Me: “Our records show that we responded within three hours of your enquiry. You may be looking too far down in your mailbox as the replay was sent one week ago, not two.”

Caller: “Well, I haven’t checked my email.”

Me: “Wait, if you haven’t checked your email, why have you called to complain?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t read my emails very often!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can only send the email, not make you read them.”