(I am working in the department office one day when an old woman calls me up.)

Me: *on the phone* “Radio, TV, and Film Department. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to take a class in radio.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our classes are part of the Bachelor’s degree curriculum. You can’t just take one class.”

Caller: “Well… how long is the Bachelor’s degree program?”

Me: “Four years at a minimum, but the average student takes five years to complete it.”

Caller: “FIVE YEARS?! I can’t do that! So where else can I take a class in radio?”

Me: “Why don’t you try [College]? They have a radio station, so they may have some radio classes. Here’s the number.”

Caller: “What kind of school is [College]?”

Me: “It’s a community college.”

Caller: “A WHAT kind of college?”

Me: “A community college. You know, a junior college.”

Caller: “HONEY! I don’t need no JUNIOR college. I am a SENIOR citizen!”

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(A customer walks up to the retail counter with about 70 packs of gum in a canvas shopping bag.)

Me: “Hello, will this be everything for you today?”

Customer: *panicked* “Do you think it will be enough?!”

Me: “Er… enough for what?”

Customer: “For the exam!” *leans forward* “I plan to write my essay one letter at a time on each piece of gum. As I’m taking the exam, I’ll stick them on the desk in front of me, in order. It’s genius!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that will fail on so many different levels.”

(A student approaches my counter at our college’s store, which is adjacent to the bank.)

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

College Student: “Yes, I need to get four dollars out of the bank.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the campus bank branch does not open for another hour.”

College Student: “Well… what if I was to pay you? *pulls out a five dollar bill*

Me: “You’re going to pay me five dollars to get four dollars out of the bank?”

College Student: “Yes.”

Me: “Why don’t I just give you change in ones for this five?”

College Student: “You can do that?”

Me: “Yes.”

College Student: “Technology these days!”

(I give him the five ones, and he walks out of the store shaking his head and smiling to himself, still saying “Wow!”)

Me: *on the phone* “[College] Admissions, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. A man called me from your office yesterday. Can you tell me who that was?”

Me: “Well, there are a number of men who work in our office. Do you remember his name?”

Caller: “It was a man.”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am. However, there are five men in our office who could have called you.”

Caller: “Can you list them for me?”

(I proceed to list the males who work in our office.)

Caller: “No, those don’t sound right.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those are the only men who work in this office.”

Caller: “It was a man!”

Me: “Yes, I understand. However, I can’t help you unless you know any more details. Can you tell me what the call was regarding?”

Caller: “It was a man! That’s all I know! Please transfer me to the man who called me! You should be able to know who called me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t track calls that go out. That’s a privacy issue. However, if you could just give me some details…”

Caller: “My son’s name is [Name]. Why can’t you figure out who called me?!”

(I proceed to look up the counselor responsible for her son’s area of the country.)

Me: “All right, I have the name of the man right here. Would you like me to transfer you?”

Caller: “No, it’s all right. I’ll call him myself.” *hangs up*

(This takes place in our college library.)

Me: “Could I help you find something?”

Patron: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “We have lots of books here. Is there anything particular you’re looking for?”

Patron: “Yeah — Tuesdays With Morrie. Do you have it?”

Me: “Well, if you sit at one of the computers, I can show you how to use our system and we can look it up.”

Patron: “Never mind, I’ll just look around.”

(A few minutes pass, then he walks up to me again.)

Patron: “I couldn’t find it. Do you have Tuesdays with Morrie?”

Me: “I can show you how to look at our system and see if we have it.”

Patron: *angry* “I didn’t come to college to learn anything!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think I can help you.”

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