(My professor is a harsh grader and very few of his students ever do well on a quiz, despite him showing us exactly what each one will look like. He also has a habit of starting class up to five minutes early. That he even waited until the proper starting time for class today was unusual.)

Professor: “Oh, just a minute. I’ve left something in my office.”

(The professor leaves and comes back several minutes later with a stack of papers.)

Professor: “Alright. We’re going to have a pop quiz today. It’ll be worth 20 points, so try your best.”

Classmate: “Will this count against us, or is it just extra credit?”

Professor: “Well, let me put it this way: if you get this wrong, you shouldn’t expect to do well in class.”

(20 points is a lot in his class, so we’re all anxious, until we see what the questions are. “Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb” and “How long does it take to cook a 3-minute-egg” are among the hardest he’s asking.)

Professor: “The most important part is that you write your name on it. I’m not too concerned with the rest.”

(It turns out we had an attendance problem. Over 30 people had cut that day. That’s the funniest way I’ve ever seen a teacher handle things.)

(We have a finicky projector in our classroom, and it’s resulted in the professor pushing the table up and climbing on top of it. Once again, the professor is on the table.)

Professor: “If this were any other professor, would you be concerned for my safety?”

Students: “Eh, we’re used to it by now.”

(The professor stoops down, picks up his drink, and stands back up.)

Student: “Standing on a table drinking. That’s just how [professor] rolls.”

(The next day, once again, our projector isn’t working.)

Me: “You shouldn’t be expecting anything else by now.”

(The professor then shrugs, gets on the table, and turns on the projector. This time, he decides to jump off the table instead of climbing off.)

Student #1: “Did you just see your life flash before your eyes?”

Student #2: “Well, I just saw your body flash before MY eyes.”

(The entire class enters an awkward silence.)

Student #2: “That… didn’t quite come out right, did it?”

(I’m taking legal classes and a hurricane had recently passed through elsewhere.)

Professor: “Alright, class. Do you know what case we’re talking about tonight? I’ll give you a hint! What did the people in [state] have to decide before going to work today?”

(No one answers.)

Professor: “Whether to roe or wade! Roe vs. Wade. Get it? Did no one read the syllabus?”

(No one laughs.)

(I’m taking a Viking history class at the university I’m attending. The professor loves practical jokes, both playing them and being played upon.)

Professor: “The style of story-telling found in tales created by continental Europeans differs from the stories found in Viking cultures.”

Student: “What do you mean?”

Professor: “Stories from continental Europe would have gone like this, : ‘The car, thus speeding along the road, hit a tree…'”

(The professor then gets very animated and excited.)

Professor: “Viking stories would say, ‘THE CAR RACED ALONG THE ROAD AND CAREENED HEADLONG INTO THE TREE, EXPLODING ON IMPACT!'”

Student: “I’m not dead!”

(The entire class burst into laughter, including the professor who didn’t see it coming, but admitted that he should have.)

(I’m in an environmental science class for my science general education in college. The professor is explaining the difference between a jetty, usually used to stabilize an opening for an inlet, and a groin, used to prevent erosion.)

Professor: “So, let’s say [Student #1] built a groin where it would bulk up his section of shoreline. Then [Student #2] next door decided to build a groin for his section of beach, so all the sand moving with the current collects in front of his house instead of his neighbor’s. [Student #1], what would you do?”

Student #1: “I’d destroy his groin!”