(I am studying in the library, but have brought my own textbook from home, as this particular book is very popular and often all the library copies are in use or checked out.)

Student: “Hey. Are you done with that book? I can’t find a copy on the shelf.”

Me: “Um, actually I’m still using it, and anyway, it’s my copy, not the library’s.”

Student: “You’re not using it! It’s just sitting there closed on the table. Give it to me!”

Me: “I need it for the assignment I am just about to start, even if I am not using it right now. And as I said, it is my personal copy, not a library book, and I wouldn’t lend it to a rude stranger even if I wasn’t using it.”

Student: “You can’t hog all the books!”

(He storms off, only to return with the librarian in tow).

Librarian: “I’m sorry, but this student was saying you wouldn’t let him use a book you were finished with? The books here are for all students to use, so if you’re done with it, could you let him use that copy?”

Me: “As I already explained to him, I’m not done using the book, and also, it is my personal copy from home, not a library book.”

(I show her the cover and the spine, so she can see it has no barcode or sticker and is indeed not a library book.)

Librarian: “Oh, sorry to bother you then.” *to other student* “I’m afraid it is her book, but I can help you look on the shelf for a copy of it, or put one on reserve for you.”

Student: “No! She has a copy of it right there! Why can’t I use that one? Make her give it to me!”

Librarian: “You can’t use it because it is her book. She purchased it. She owns it, not the library. I can’t make her give you her private property to use.”

Student: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s mine.”

Student: *grabs pile of library books off table* “Well, then, these are MINE, if you can just claim any book you like!”

Me and Librarian: “It doesn’t work like that.”

Student: “MINE!”

(The student ran out of the library with the books, setting off the alarm.)

(I’m on a tour of the medical facility’s infectious disease wing along with a number of other undergraduate students. We’re passing a window looking into a BSL-3 lab where researchers are decked out in head to toe isolation suits.)

Student #1: “What’s in there?”

Guide: “That’s the level 3 lab. They’re studying viruses that are too dangerous for the regular lab.”

Student #2: “Can we see that room?”

Guide: “Sure! If you gather around this window I can try to tell you what they’re doing. That’s Dr. [name] in front, she studies—”

Student #2: “No, like, inside.”

Guide: *laughing* “Sure, just set aside a few months for training with the suits.”

Student #1: “No, like, just peek in the door.”

Guide: *realizing they’re serious* “No, it’s incredibly dangerous.”

Student #2: “Aw, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Guide: “We could all die.”

(They’re silent. Another researcher enters through the hallway next to us.)

Guide: “Hey, Dr. [name], what’s the worst thing that could happen if the level 3 door opened?”

Doctor: “We could all die.”

Student #2: “FINE!”

(This professor is really tough, but gives weekly quizzes that are on a curve so that at least one person in the class always gets a 100%.)

Student 1: *whispering to class* “Everybody just write your name, leave the rest blank and we’ll all get perfect scores.”

Class: “Agreed!”

(The professor comes in and sees us all sitting there not taking the quiz. He goes around and collects our papers.)

Professor: “Are you sure you all want to do this?”

Students: “…”

Professor: “You’re sure? Nobody here wants to change their mind?”

Student #2: “Yes, I want to actually take the quiz now.”

(Student #2 stands up to go get his paper back, completes his quiz and hands it to the professor. The professor grades it.)

Professor: “[Student #2], you got an 80%. When you make a decision, stick with it. Everybody else gets a 100%. However, this is the first and only time this will work.”

(My dad and my younger sister are at my college graduation. I am the first one in the family to get a college diploma.)

Sister: “Is [my name]’s graduation important to you?”

Dad: “It’s the only one we’ll get to go to.”

(We’re a group of freshman girls. We are eating dinner in the dining hall when a cute older boy approaches our table.)

Cute Boy: “Hi. Is this seat taken?”

Us: “No, go right ahead.”

Cute Boy: “Thanks!”

(He picks up the chair and carries it to a nearby table where his friends are sitting.)