(I’m a librarian in a university library. It’s almost 5 PM and I’m getting ready to go home.)
Student: “Hi, I have a research paper and I don’t know how to find sources for it.”
Me: “Okay, what’s your topic?”
Student: “It’s [topic].”
Me: “That one might be tough to find a lot of information on. When is the paper due?”
Student: “Midnight.”
(A student comes in to the Registrar’s office to pick up a transcript. After discovering that she never placed an order, I tell her to place the order so that it will be ready in the afternoon. After checking the system over the course of several hours and not seeing the order, I call the student.)
Me: “Yes, I see you still have not placed your order.”
Student: “I placed it hours ago!”
Me: “Uh oh, I hope something is not wrong with our system. Did you get confirmation that the order went through?”
Student: “Yes! I still have it up right here on my screen. It says right here: ‘Transaction Failed’!”
(I work at a university; note that it is generally considered very academically competitive.)
Student: “I think there’s a hold on my account.”
Me: “Yes, health services put a registration hold on your account because they don’t have your immunization—”
Student: “Wait, that’s a big word! I don’t know what that means!”
(Our university has been around for a while. As such our mascot, Albert, has changed a bit over the years. I overhear an amusing conversation at a register next to me, the Sunday after a big win. Customer #1 is buying a shirt with the old-style Albert on it.)
Customer #2: “Man! The old style Albert is so lame looking!”
Customer #1: “Dude, what about the one on your butt?!”
Customer #2: “Oh, yeah!”
Coworker: *laughing* “Yeah, right.”
Customer #2: “Nope!”
(Customer #2 pulls down his pants just a bit, but at this time I can’t see it.)
Coworker: “I thought you were joking!”
(Customer #2 laughs and moves over to my register, as I’m now free.)
Coworker: “Wait, can I see that tattoo again?”
Customer #2: “Sure!”
(He pulls his pants down a bit again, and this time I can see the ‘old style’ Albert indeed tattooed on his butt.)
Customer #2: “Yeah, never get a tattoo while drunk.”
(I work in the fines office of a university library. A professor has come in, outraged that he has been blocked from checking items out. Upon pulling up his account, I see that he has a staggering 700 books checked out and $4,500 in fines.)
Professor: “I need to check out books for a presentation tomorrow! This system is corrupt!”
Me: “If there are more than $80 in fines, patrons cannot check out. But as long as you bring these overdue books in before [date)], all the fines will be removed.”
Professor: “I can’t do that!” *pulls out checkbook* “Here’s what I’m going to do. I will write you a check for $4,500 so I can check out more books. Then, when I bring the overdue books in, you will pay me the $4,500 back with interest. Got it?!”
This story is part of the Library roundup!
Read the next Library roundup story!
Read the Library roundup!
