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Cross-Exam

, , | Related | December 28, 2011

(I’m living away from home, going to school. My parents call me almost every night for a short chat.)

Mom: “How was class today, honey?”

Me: “I didn’t have class. I had my lab exam, remember?”

Mom: “Oh, right. Did you learn anything new?”

Me: “No, I had my lab exam!”

Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your lab exam?”

Me: “Today!”

Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your next exam?”

Me: “Monday. Mom, I’m going to head off now.”

Mom: “Ok, honey, love you. Good luck in your exam tomorrow.”

Fishing For Savings

| Right | December 18, 2011

(I work in the admissions office of a large university, sitting near the residency window. People frequently come in to dispute being ruled a non-resident for tuition purposes, which results in higher tuition.)

Student: “I was ruled a non-resident and I’m a resident?”

Me: “Well, just let me see your ID and I’ll pull up your file and we can take a look.”

(I pull up the file on my computer.)

Me: “It says on your application that you’ve only been here six months and you still have an out-of-state driver’s license. To be classified as a resident, you need to have lived in-state for at least 12 months and have a Utah driver’s license.”

Student: “That’s crap! I have a Utah fishing license. Doesn’t that count for anything?!”

Untimely Quip Meets Freudian Slip

| Romantic | December 15, 2011

(I run into my ex at the library. We have not dated for a year.)

Ex: “Hey, what’s up?”

Me: “Hey, not too much. Pretty stressed out.”

Ex: “Oh, I’m sorry! I love you!”

Me: *surprised* “Um…cool, see you later!”

Carpal Cola, Please

, | Right | December 11, 2011

(I’m working the register at a college cafeteria when a girl about my age walks up. She has a cast wrapped around her hand and wrist.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I broke my hand. Can I get a free bottle of pop?”

Me: “Um, I can ask my manager.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I go to the back office and tell my manager what just happened. He’s a really nice guy, but in this situation he just looks at me in disbelief and says no. I go back out to the register.)

Me: “Sorry, my manager says no.”

Customer: “Okay.” *laughs* “It was worth a try!”

The Klass Of 2015

| Right | December 5, 2011

(I’m working clearing, which is when we take in calls about students who are in their last ditch effort to get into the university.)

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’m going to process your application now. Can I please take your first name?”

Student: “Yes. It’s…” *unintelligible speech*

Me: “Can you please spell that for me?”

Student: “Ugh, if I have to. It’s K…” *unintelligible*

Me: “Okay, can you repeat that for me? It starts with K?”

Student: “Yeah, you know. K as in Chicken.”