(I am an exchange student, attending one of my very first lessons. I am alone in the classroom a while before the class starts, and I turn to the closest of the few other students that has arrived.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you know the password for the school network? I’ve never used it before.”

Student: *arrogant tone* “Hah, well that’s just typical of you exchange students. It’s so simple; how can you not manage to log in?”

Me: “Well, I found the network and everything; I just don’t know the password. Never mind, I’ll just ask someone else.”

Student: “No, alright, I’ll give it to you. But seriously, how do you expect to pass any of your classes if you can’t even handle a simple thing like a computer?”

(At this point, I am getting very annoyed and upset by his tone, but since I really need to log in, I try to ignore it.)

Me: “Could you just tell me the password, please?”

Student: “Right. It is ‘2012,’ and then three random letters, [letters]. See? Not that hard at all. I don’t know how you could mess it up.”

Me: “Okay, ‘2012[letters]’ right?”

Student: “Yeah, I don’t really know what the letters are supposed to be, they are always the same but the numbers change every year. I guess they just have really bad imagination.”

Me: “The letters are the initials of this university; that might have something to do with it.”

Student: “Eh… yeah. I… never thought about that.”

(The student is very friendly to me the rest of the semester!)

(It is 1998, when candy-colored iMac computers are popular. I have just gotten a lime green one for Christmas, and am setting it up for dial-up internet access in the dorm.)

Roommate: “What kind of Windows is that? It looks different from mine.”

Me: “It’s not Windows. It’s Mac OS 9.”

Roommate: “Don’t be silly. You can’t run a computer without a Windows.”

Me: “Ooookay, then.”

Roommate: “You know, I just changed my major to computer science, so let me know if you need any help!”

(She dropped out about six weeks later.)

(The college society I’m part of is open to non-students, who often bring their kids to craft nights. We’re working on banners when the adults joke about child labor. I’m not particularly fond of one of the kids that are helping.)

Friend: “[Younger Child] would be perfect for going up chimneys!”

Kid: “What?!”

Kid’s Mom: “Back in Victorian times they used to send children up the chimneys with a brush to clean them, because they had no central heating and the fire was lit everyday.”

Kid: *indignant* “Why didn’t they just put the brush up the chimney?”

Me: “It was too short and narrow.”

Kid’s Mom: “The chimneys were really wide and funny-shaped because rich people had fireplaces in every room.”

Kid: “Well why didn’t they get a ladder and go up on the roof?”

Me: “They didn’t have big enough ladders.”

Kid: “Well why didn’t they just build one?!”

Me: “Kids are cheaper…”

(I am a campus tour guide. I currently am giving a tour to a family with an eight-year-old girl.)

Me: “And this is called ‘echo point.’ If you stand right on this center brick, your voice will echo!” *I turn to the little girl* “Sweetie, would you like to give it a try? Say whatever you want!”

Girl: “MORE COWBELL!”

(I work as a tutor at a community college. We’re doing a team-building exercise where we have to name as many adjectives as possible that describe a good tutor.)

Other Tutor: *writing the words* “How about ‘patience?'”

Me: “That won’t work, ‘patience’ is a noun. We need adjectives, like ‘patient.'”

Other Tutor: “Oh, okay.”

(We brainstorm for several more minutes. I notice that ‘patient’ isn’t on the list.)

Me: “Did you add ‘patient?'”

Other Tutor: “You said that wouldn’t work!”

Me: “No, I said ‘patience’ wouldn’t work, because it’s a noun. ‘Patient’ is an adjective, so it’s okay.”

Other Tutor: “Oh! I’m glad you’re around to deal with that stuff; I can’t keep it straight.”

(Later in the day, we are chatting.)

Other Tutor: “So what do you teach here?”

Me: “Math, mostly, How about you?”

Other Tutor: “English.”