(We are reading ‘The Taming of the Shrew.’ The Professor a fifty-something, balding, portly man is explaining how people interpret the play to be very misogynistic because it’s about a husband ‘taming’ his ‘savage’ wife. My professor asks us to think of a different reason for Petruchio’s behavior towards Kate.)

Student #1: “Maybe he’s just showing her how cruel she is by pretending to be her.”

Professor: “Maybe, but that would mean she would still be tamed in the end.”

Me: “Maybe he paid her to act that way.”

Professor: “A capitalist theory! Interesting! Does anyone have other ideas?”

Class: “…”

Professor: “No? Well I’ll share mine then. See, I thought this play actually was misogynist when I first read it. But a few years back, I developed another theory after reading a rather popular book. Has anyone ever heard of Fifty Shades of Grey?”

(The class mumbles replies and gives the professor strange looks.)

Professor: “For those who don’t know, it’s a Twilight-esque romance with a BDSM twist. But after reading it, I started to wonder maybe Kate liked being ‘tamed.’ It makes sense doesn’t it? Doesn’t her speech about the perfect wife sound like she is describing a slave? And once she finished, what did Petruchio do?”

Student #2: “He dragged her to bed!”

Professor: “Straight to bed! Kate’s speech got them both so hot and bothered, that they left the room the minute she finished!”

Student #1: “Holy crap.”

Me: “It actually makes sense.”

(I’m sitting in my college’s dining center, when a group of high school kids come up dressed up in a very casual dress/dining wear. The girls are wearing fancy dresses while the guys are wearing tuxedos. This takes place by the ice cream area.)

Girl In Purple Dress: “They’re out of bowls. How can they be out of bowls?”

(The group leaves to get cups instead. In the meantime, an employee comes up and restocks the bowls. Eventually, the group comes back.)

Girl In Purple Dress: “They were out of bowls, and there are bowls now; guys look: it’s magic!”

Me: *sarcastically* “I heard you say they were out of bowls, so I took out my wand and restocked them.”

Girl In Purple Dress: *serious voice* “You couldn’t have done that sooner?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do magic in front of muggles.”

Girl In Purple Dress: “Oh, okay.”

(The group gets their ice cream and walk off. The employee has been watching the whole exchange.)

Employee: “Did that really just happen?”

(I am a student employee in one of the cafeterias in my university campus. I make omelets made to order. We offer the option regular eggs or egg whites.)

Student: “Miss, I’d like an omelet, but I’m vegan.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but omelets are basically egg pancakes with veggies, meat, and cheese stuffed in them.”

Student: “Don’t you have Egg Beaters?”

Me: “We actually do in the back, but it contains egg whites. Do you still want me to make you that?”

Student: “No it doesn’t!”

(I run and grab a box from the fridge in the back.)

Me: “Yes, it does. See on the box? Egg whites are on the ingredient label.”

Student: “Oh, holy f***.” *walks away*

Me: *to coworker* “That was weird.”

Coworker: “I’m still laughing at ‘egg pancake.'”

(The professor has just explained how his professors, back when he was in college, used to do complicated mathematical operations manually. He’s well-known across campus for his sense of humor.)

Professor: “I’m pretty old; I was on the Internet when it was just the geeks. No commercials, no p*rn.”

Me: “Oh please, there was p*rn on Usenet.”

(Usenet existed before the Internet.)

Professor: “Yeah, but there were no images. They were transmitted as text, and then you needed another program to transform it back. You kids don’t know how good you have it!”

(I am in world religions class. Our professor is explaining how one religion relates spirituality to the Earth, and decides to use an example she figures most of us will know.)

Professor: “You know how in The Lion King, when Scar takes over, everything becomes dry and barren and there’s no more food? And then when Simba comes back, it starts to rain and everything grows again? It’s sort of like that. Evil brings evil, and good brings good.”

Student #1: “Huh, I always just thought The Lion King was trying to be Hamlet.”

Student #2: “How is it like Hamlet?”

Me: “Well, it centers around a prince, his father is killed, he finds out it was his uncle who did it, and then he goes back to avenge his father.”

Student #2: “That’s not Hamlet. That’s nothing like Hamlet!”