A Seduce Truce

| Romantic | May 14, 2012

(I have exams coming up but am procrastinating online. I turn off the computer and pull my notes towards me.)

Me: *to myself* “Come on, woman, concentrate!”

Boyfriend: *in a ‘seductive’ voice* “Yeah, woman. Concentrate.”

Me: “Seriously?!”

Boyfriend: “Sorry, I don’t know how to be seductive.”

Me: “That’s okay, neither do I.”

Boyfriend: “Says the girl who woke me up in naughty lingerie and a bowler hat.”

Me: “That was a lucky guess.”

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Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 7

| Romantic | May 14, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are in the library studying. I’m working on a philosophy paper that needs and example where is someone is guilty, but not responsible.)

Me: “Hey honey, what mistake could someone make driving a train that would crash it?”

Boyfriend: “What kind of train is it?”

Me: “Just in general, like accidentally changing trains or something.”

Boyfriend: “That wouldn’t happen. What kind of train, though?”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. It just needs to crash.”

Boyfriend: “But what kind of train? Depending upon what kind of train, it could malfunction…”

Me:SHELDON! I just need to crash a train.”

Boyfriend: *quieter* “I like trains.”

(For the record, my boyfriend is a physics major. ‘The Big Bang Theory’ is scarily accurate.)

 

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Baking American Pie

| Related | May 10, 2012

(My cousin and I go to the same university. One day we happen to be heading towards the same auditorium, so we fall into step to chat.)

Me: “You should come over next weekend. I’m planning to bake a cake.”

Cousin: “In that case, I’m definitely coming.”

Me: “You’re only coming over because I’m baking?”

Cousin: “Naturally.”

Me: “You men, always thinking with your stomachs!”

Cousin: “What else could we be thinking with?”

*suddenly awkward silence*

Cousin: “Don’t answer!”

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Ph.Duh, Part 2

, | Right | May 10, 2012

(I work at the college IT department. One day, I get a phone call from a professor.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How may we help you?”

Professor: “My computer is making a beeping sound. I can’t get it to stop. Can you send someone to fix it?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be right over.”

(I arrive at the professor’s office.)

Professor: “I don’t understand why it is doing this. It has never done this before.”

(I notice a rather large book on top of his keyboard.)

Me: “Sir, you can’t leave objects on top of your keyboard. That is what causes the beeping.”

(I remove the book.)

Professor: *embarrassed* “Oh.”

(This professor is the department chair of the Computer Science division of the college. He has a Ph.D in Computer Science.)

 

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Getting Furious Fast

| Romantic | May 8, 2012

(I am in the car with my boyfriend of almost three years, who is driving. I am short for my age at 5′ even.)

Me: “When I was walking across the street with a friend of mine, it looked like the cars were aiming for me!”

Him: “That’s because you’re small and worth more points.”

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