Trucking ‘A’!

| Portland, OR, USA | Learning | January 31, 2017

(One of my teachers is a huge stickler for attendance and, since she is influential in the industry, I go out of my way to stay on her good side. On my way biking to class one day, I’m struck by a truck. As the EMTs load me into the ambulance, they ask if they can call anyone for me and I, slightly delirious from pain and shock, ask them to call my teacher and tell her I’ll be late to class. I am unable to attend school for over a month and end up re-taking that class. On the first day back she says this:)

Teacher: “Now, I feel like there are few excuses to miss class. These classes are important, you’re paying a lot of money for them, and proving you can be on time, ready to work and dependable to me, your future colleagues, and my guest presenters, is important. Your fellow student here has already set the precedent, so I say this: if you’re not going to make it into class at the last minute, I better be getting a phone call from the EMT riding in the ambulance with you or prepare to face my wrath.”

(Apparently, years later, she still uses this example.)

Graduated Past The Parking Lot

| Santa Clara, CA, USA | Related | January 31, 2017

(My brother drove down to my university for my graduation. He had to get up very early to make the drive so he is tired and a little grouchy when he finally gets here. This is the message he sent me when he arrived.)

Brother: “Your school is a nightmare that doesn’t have enough signs or instructions. Why are there so many entrances? Why are there no signs beyond one arrow saying ‘parking this way’? And then it’s like ‘f*** you, good luck finding your way.’ It’s a good representation of life actually: college is the one sign pointing what to do in life but then the rest of life is like ‘You can go eat a d***.’ Anyway, found parking and will be waiting to see you! Congrats, [My Name]!”

(It made me laugh when I had been stressing out over getting organized. Who knew he got philosophical when sleep-deprived?)

Dawn Of The Bread

, | UK | Friendly | January 31, 2017

(I’m staying at the university halls of residence with one other man and three women. It’s coming up to Halloween and we’re all talking about what we should do for a party.)

Woman #1: “We should decorate. You can do those paper folding things.”

Me: “It’s called origami, and I could.”

Woman #2: “We should do jelly shots, and bobbing for apples.”

Woman #3: “What will you do, [Man]?”

Man: “Maybe raise the dead…”

(We all rolled our eyes as he’s always been a bit strange. Fast forward two weeks and I got an email from him, in between lectures. It was titled ‘Raising the dead.’ I was slightly worried as this was the first email he had ever sent to me, but when I opened it there is a video to download with the only words in the email saying “Our little secret.” The video was of our oven with a tray of cake mix and several miniature zombies and skeletons resting in it. The video was sped up so they quite literally rise in about half a minute. It was the most random thing I’ve ever received and it tickled me for the rest of the day. We’re still good friends, but he has yet to tell me why it had to be a secret, and why he only sent it to me.)

It’s Time To Face The Music… Eventually

| Australia | Learning | January 29, 2017

(My university accommodation has a music room with a piano. In order to use it, students just have to exchange their ID for a key at the reception desk. One day there was only one employee at the desk so I got in line behind three students. The first student did something complicated that took several minutes. I knew I could ask the receptionist for the key while the student was filling out forms and so on but I didn’t want to cut the line. When the next student began something equally complicated, I turned to the student directly in front of me.)

Me: “Is what you’re here for going to be quick?”

Other Student: “No, It’ll take several minutes.”

Me: “I just need the key to the music room. Could I go in front of you?”

Other Student: “No, I have a lecture starting in fifteen minutes.”

Me: “It’ll only take a few seconds. I literally just have to hand her my student ID.”

Other Student: “No, I’m really in a hurry.”

That’s Not, Like, Permitted

| IL, USA | Learning | January 27, 2017

(I work at my university’s parking office. One day, two students come in to see about getting a permit that would allow them to park wherever they want, whenever they want, because their parents are “afraid of them walking around at night.” This is not something we usually do.)

Student: “Last year my friend got a permit to let her park at night because her parents were worried about her walking at night.”

Me: “Okay, let me see if I can find any notes on her file. What is your friend’s name?”

Student: *silence*

Me: “Her name?”

Student: “Well… she’s our friend’s friend. She just walked outside.”

Me: “I just need her name.”

(The students proceed to stand in front of my desk for ten minutes trying to find the girl they’re thinking of on Facebook. After what seemed like forever they finally find her, but there are no notes on her file, no history of her even having a permit with us. I tell the students there is no prior accommodation made for this student, so we can’t make an exception for them, either.)

Student: “But, like… our parents are worried about us walking by ourselves at night.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we aren’t able to just give you a free permit to park wherever you want.”

Student: “Okay…”

(Pretty sure they just wanted somewhere to leave their car when they went out partying!)

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