Stay Safe Or Mom Will Give You A Mall-ing

| WA, USA | Related | February 12, 2017

(While I am away at college, my mom worries about me. I don’t blame her, but she has a poor sense of time and geography.)

Mom: “Are you okay? I heard there was a shooting at your mall.”

Me: “Mom, I’m fine. You left my house just before the shooting. There was no time for me to go to the mall and get shot.”

Mom: “Well, I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

(Another time:)

Mom: “Please get back to me. There was a shooting at the mall in [Town].”

Me: “I hadn’t heard.”

(I look up today’s news.)

Me: “Mom, the shooting was last year. This was a stabbing.”

Mom: “Either way, I’m glad you’re ok.”

Me: “Thank you for caring. But for the record, I’ve never been to [Town] and have no plans to go. No mall is worth driving over an hour.”

Mom: “Well, I don’t know what you do with your weekends!”

(I know this means that my mom cares, but I wish she could be smarter about when to freak out.)

Apprentices That Want To Be Fired

| England, UK | Learning | February 11, 2017

(Unlike most college students, I am in a class of apprentices. Our other lecturers often point out that they like teaching us as we are much more organised and ready to learn, mostly as our company would tell us off if they found out otherwise. For that reason we get on with our work, lecturers are more lenient with us, the work all gets done, often early, and we enjoy being treated as adults. Until we have to take a maths lesson in the third year with a new lecturer…)

Lecturer: “Ok, class, please turn to page 43.”

Apprentice #1: *coming in a few minutes late* “Sorry, [First Name]. I was with [Other Lecturer].”

Lecturer: “Well, I will be speaking with him! And it’s Miss [Last Name]!”

Apprentice #1: “Er, okay, sorry.” *sits down*

Me: “[Apprentice #2], can I borrow an eraser?”

Apprentice #2: “Sure.”

Lecturer: “Silence, please!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Lecturer: “There will be silence in my class. Don’t make me sit you boy, girl, boy, girl.”

Me: “There’s only one girl and 12 guys.”

Lecturer: “Well… I… just get on with your work!”

(It was a long year with her around. It was the only lesson many of us then struggled with. Thankfully we got ahead and could drop the last few months of lessons, much to her disagreement.)

Given The Technology To Be Fabulous

| Norway | Learning | February 10, 2017

(It’s the very first lecture. The professor starts by stepping up to the podium, which is on a little stage, and getting out his notes. He’s having some trouble with the microphone.)

Professor: “Can you hear me?” *taps the microphone*

Students: “No, it’s too quiet.”

(This goes back and forth a few times, before some guy steps up to help. The microphone just isn’t working for our professor, as his voice is a little too high pitched to resonate correctly, so he gets a headset.)

Professor: “Oh, I like this! As you can see, my name is [Professor] and I’m NOT a technological genius.”

(Students start to clap, and he bows and curtsies.)

Professor: “This is much better. I was told that if I stand by the podium, I’ll have my shoulder and back to this—“ *gestures to his right* “—part of the room, which admittedly is my best side.” *cue laughter from the students* “But now I can move *he leaps across the stage* “—and turn around—“ *he twirls* “—and generally be more engaging, so this is great!”

(He goes on to talk about what this class is about and such.)

Professor: “I love this subject. I’ve been teaching this since before some of you were even born. 24 years to be exact. Yes, I was five when I started.” *more laughter* “Actually, I was 25; you do the math. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe. I don’t even believe it myself sometimes!”

(We go on with the lecture, in which we talk about a sermon written in 1733, which he describes as a “fire-and-brimstone” sermon.)

Professor: “My lecture sounds very fire-and-brimstone right now. Actually, I would probably be a good fire-and-brimstone evangelist. Except for the fact that I’m gay and an atheist, though.”

(There were a lot of great and funny moments in this lecture. He even went as far as claiming he would be our funniest, craziest and favorite professor. Considering he’s fast-talking, confident, somewhat sassy, and with a good sense of humor and no filter, he definitely is!)

Didn’t Make A Passable Attempt

| VA, USA | Learning | February 10, 2017

(On the first day of class, my teacher is talking about attendance and how we need it to pass.)

Teacher: “I had one student who didn’t show up for several months. Then one day she came back.”

Classmate: “What happened?”

Teacher: “She told me she had left school to move in to her boyfriend’s dorm room. But her parents found out and forced to leave and now she was back.” *his face goes carefully blank* “She asked me if she would still be able to pass the class.”

(I can guess what he told her.)

Swear We Heard Differently

| England, UK | Learning | February 9, 2017

(I am in my final year of my engineering diploma. I stop by one of my lecturers in my free period. He has a class but waves me in.)

Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but you had my old assignment.”

Lecturer: “Oh, yes, thank you for this. I was showing it to the class.”

Me: “Hopefully not as what not to do!”

(We share a brief laugh before his name is called over the tannoy with urgency.)

Lecturer: “Could you… could you watch the class for me?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Lecturer: “You don’t have to teach them anything. Just try not to let them kill each other.”

(The tannoy goes off again)

Me: “Okay, sure.”

(He disappears; thankfully most are hard at work in silence. I pause to ask a quiet question.)

Me: “So, what are you learning?”

Student #1: “COSHH.”

Student #2: *loudly* “It’s stupid!”

Me: “Ah, I remember this. Did you get to the mnemonic yet?”

Student #1: “Yes I think it’s—“

Student #2: “This is s***! If [Lecturer] doesn’t have to stay, I don’t!” *he goes to leave*

(Now I’m normally very calm, barely speak in most lessons, and don’t like to make a fuss about anything. But something about his attitude and behaviour really annoys me.)

Me: “Why don’t you sit down and shut the f*** up?”

Student #2: “You… you can’t speak to me that way.”

Me: “I’m a student just like you, and just like the rest of your class, I’m sick of you disrupting other people trying to get on.”

Student #2: “I’ll tell [Lecturer]!”

Me: “And? Sit down, shut up, and you might learn something. The things you are being taught here can help you get a job, a good job. Get the wrong chemical it could kill you. This is important.”

(Thankfully the lecturer returned before I lost my temper again.)

Student #2: “Sir, sir, he swore!”

Student #1: “I don’t think he did. I would have heard it.”

(The class mutters in agreement.)

Lecturer: “Sit down, [Student #1]. Frankly, if I could swear at you I would.”

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