Trafficking False Complaints

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I work as a resident assistant at a small university and this happens at 2:00 am during my shift. The campus is in the middle of the woods several miles from the city, and being the middle of the night there is not a soul in sight outside the office.)

Coworker: “It’s so quiet. I’m going to fall asleep if I don’t do something! How about I order us some sandwiches from [local, late night Sandwich Shop]?”

Me: “I’m not hungry, but feel free to get yourself something.”

(She orders her food, and ten minutes later goes to meet the delivery driver who pulls up right next to our office, despite it being difficult to find on the private campus roads.)

Coworker: *storming back into the office* “I cannot believe him! That was totally unacceptable!”

Me: “Oh, my goodness, are you all right? What happened?”

Coworker: “The nerve of him! He expected me to walk off the sidewalk and go to the driver’s window to pay him! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “…I don’t understand.”

Coworker: “Neither do I! How dare he expect me to walk into the middle of the road where I could be hit by traffic! He should have gotten out and come to me!”

Me: “Are you serious? What traffic? It’s a private road and his car is the only one we’ve seen in the last two hours. He even parked right next to a crosswalk for you!”

Coworker: “He could have gotten me KILLED!! I’m calling to complain about him!”

(Despite my protests she called the shop, and gave a very dramatic account of how she “could have died” by being asked to step out in “heavy traffic,” and even made up that he nearly hit her with his car! Ten minutes later the SAME DRIVER is sent back to give her a free cookie and a refund.)

Coworker: *walking back in with a smug look on her face and waving her returned $3.00* “See? It pays to complain! I hope they fire him!”

Scanning For Signs Of Intelligence

, | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Patron: “Can I scan this?”

Me: “Do you want to scan it or photocopy?”

Patron: “Scan.”

Me: “Okay. Our scanner’s right here. Here’s the program. It’ll take a second to warm up, and then you’re good to go.”

Patron: “And once it’s scanned in, I can print it, right?”

Me: “Uh… if… if you’re just going to print it, it’s probably faster just to photocopy it.”

Patron: “Oh. Okay.”

(These are the people who are going to be running the country, folks. Scary.)

Will Need To See A Doctor(ate) After This

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Popular, School

(It’s my first day of working the front desk at the center. My coworker takes a call, which he puts on speaker so I can hear and learn the appropriate reactions to certain common questions, should they come up.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is the [University Center]. My name is [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Client: “I need help writing my doctoral thesis.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, we primarily provide services to undergrad students.”

Client: “But your website says you have someone who does doctorate level work!”

Coworker: “Yes, sir, but he does doctorate level statistics, and does not work in our writing department. He will not be able to assist you in writing your thesis.”

Client: *growing angry* “I just want someone to do the work! I don’t care if he’s in the writing department or not!”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, sir, we are explicitly told not to do work for students, but rather aid them in understand concepts.”

Client: *shouting* “That’s ridiculous! What purpose do you people serve if you won’t even do a doctoral thesis! You’re getting paid aren’t you? You f***ing lazy, useless undergrad s***s don’t even deserve to be here!”

Coworker: *pauses* “Excuse me, sir, let me transfer you to my manager.”

Client: “Please do! Then I can tell them what a f***ing t**t you are!”

(Coworker transfers the call, and then looks at me.)

Coworker: *dryly* “Well, unfortunately for him, I transferred him to an empty desk. [Manager] doesn’t work weekends.”

Far Away From The Solution

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(I work in the IT Help Desk at a university.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re really far away from the microphone. I can’t hear you. Please repeat the info.”

Caller: *repeats info*

Me: “I just cannot hear you. You’re really far away.”

Caller: “Well, yeah, it’s a Skype call and I’m in Ireland, so of course it’s far away.”

Me: “…”

A Probing Set Of Questions

, | Ithaca, NY, USA | Bizarre, School

(Our college has students that work with the officers of public safety to help patrol the college and dorms at night. Other students like to tease us to varying degrees. This conversation takes place with a student who is tipsy but still being rather polite.)

Student: “What if I took off running right now?”

Me: *jokingly* “That’s what the flashlight is for.”

Student: “What if you miss?”

Me: “That’s what the radio is for.”

Student: “What if you miss?”

Me: “That’s what the probie is for.” *look at my partner* “Go fetch.”

Page 2/2612345...Last