The Smart Thing To Do

| Boston, MA, USA | Learning | March 3, 2017

(I have recently gone back to college ten years after finishing high school. I’m sitting in an accounting class required for my major and texting a friend.)

Me: “I don’t know why we keep going over this.”

Friend: “Because it’s complicated. People don’t get it; you get it because you’re smart.”

Me: “No, I’m pretty sure everyone else is stupid.”

Friend: “At some point everyone else is normal and you’re smart.”

Me: “I don’t know that we’ve reached that point yet.”

(The instructor hears me snickering.)

Professor: “I’m glad accounting is entertaining for some of you.”

Me: “Um…”

Professor: “Can you give me the answer to the question on the board?”

Me: “Well, since I’ve answered 75% of the questions you’ve asked, even only halfway paying attention, and the other 25% have been because I’m trying to let someone else answer, the answer to that one is [answer].”

Professor: *rolling eyes* “You could at least try not to be such a smart-a**.”

Me: “I could, but who would that help?”

Professor: *giving a long dramatic sigh* “So to continue, remember that credits and debits always need to be balanced.”

Me: *texting my friend* “In high school this is where I would have been thrown out of class for being a smart-a**.”

Your Empathy Is Disabled

, | UK | Friendly | March 2, 2017

(The entrance to the library we have been studying in has a few steps to climb. Because of the dimensions of the room however, a disabled ramp isn’t feasible, so there is a small elevator instead. We are all heading out.)

Friend: “I’m so tired.” *yawns*

Me: “Same. I’m collapsing on my bed tonight.”

Friend: *nods and presses the button for the lift*

(We all stop.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Friend: “Going down.”

Other Friend: “That’s for the disabled!”

Friend: “Well, I’m disabled. I’M TIRED!”

Me: “That’s not how it works…”

(She shrugged and took the lift instead of walking down the FOUR STEPS a wheelchair-using person would find impossible to navigate, in full view of the entrance, with at least 20 people glaring from outside.)

Presenting Excuses

| Westfield, MA, USA | Learning | March 2, 2017

(It’s a cold, rainy morning in early November and I’m in class, getting ready to do a group presentation. It’s a few minutes after class has started, and my two groupmates have not arrived. I’m getting nervous about having to do the whole presentation by myself, especially when one of the other girls has the completed paper, when Groupmate #1 walks in.)

Me: *whispering* “Oh, thank god you’re here, but where’s [Groupmate #2]? I’ve got my notes, but she has the finished paper!”

Groupmate #1: *whispers* “Yeah, I don’t think we’ll be going up today.” *raises hand* “Professor, can we please reschedule our presentation? [Groupmate #2] will be really late, if she gets in at all, and she’s the one who has the finished report.”

Professor: “If she’s sick, she should have sent it to one of you so you could still give the presentation.”

Groupmate #1: “Oh, she’s not sick. The fire alarm went off in her building about 20 minutes ago. Last I saw her, she was standing outside in nothing but a towel.”

(True enough, it turned out Groupmate #2 had been taking a shower when someone set off the fire alarm in her dorm building. Because that building was the newest and the biggest, it would take at least another hour for the firefighters to finish their inspection and give the all clear to go back inside. Thankfully, our professor completely understood and let us wait until the next class. Even luckier, Groupmate #2 got nothing more than a cold, despite having to stand soaking wet in the rain, so the report went well.)

He’s All Fingers And No Thumbs Today

, | VA, USA | Working | March 2, 2017

(I am working constructing the set for our recent play. Some of the guys on the set crew are very no-nonsense burly guys who’ve been building stuff since they were toddlers. They tend to brush off a lot of minor injuries, but also cause them, so we keep a medical kit nearby just in case. On this day, I’m drilling holes in a board when I heard a swear from a burly guy I’m working with. He walks up to be casually.)

Burly Guy: “Hey, [My Name], can you get me a band-aid?”

Me: “Yeah, you cut yourself?”

Burly Guy: “Eh, sort of.”

(I just then realize he’s holding one hand with the other. When he pulls it back, he has a giant NAIL sticking through his thumb.)

Burly Guy: “I don’t wanna yank it out until I have something to wrap it with.”

Me: “Uh… we’re gonna need more than a band-aid.”

(It took a little convincing but he let me drive him to the ER.)

A Cultural Lesson

| Newark, DE, USA | Learning | March 1, 2017

(I’m in the dining hall when I overhear this little gem.)

Student: *reading from his laptop* “Hebrew isn’t canceled because Jews have been through worse.”

Page 15/305First...1314151617...Last