Will Need To See A Doctor(ate) After This

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Popular, School

(It’s my first day of working the front desk at the center. My coworker takes a call, which he puts on speaker so I can hear and learn the appropriate reactions to certain common questions, should they come up.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is the [University Center]. My name is [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Client: “I need help writing my doctoral thesis.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, we primarily provide services to undergrad students.”

Client: “But your website says you have someone who does doctorate level work!”

Coworker: “Yes, sir, but he does doctorate level statistics, and does not work in our writing department. He will not be able to assist you in writing your thesis.”

Client: *growing angry* “I just want someone to do the work! I don’t care if he’s in the writing department or not!”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, sir, we are explicitly told not to do work for students, but rather aid them in understand concepts.”

Client: *shouting* “That’s ridiculous! What purpose do you people serve if you won’t even do a doctoral thesis! You’re getting paid aren’t you? You f***ing lazy, useless undergrad s***s don’t even deserve to be here!”

Coworker: *pauses* “Excuse me, sir, let me transfer you to my manager.”

Client: “Please do! Then I can tell them what a f***ing t**t you are!”

(Coworker transfers the call, and then looks at me.)

Coworker: *dryly* “Well, unfortunately for him, I transferred him to an empty desk. [Manager] doesn’t work weekends.”

Far Away From The Solution

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(I work in the IT Help Desk at a university.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re really far away from the microphone. I can’t hear you. Please repeat the info.”

Caller: *repeats info*

Me: “I just cannot hear you. You’re really far away.”

Caller: “Well, yeah, it’s a Skype call and I’m in Ireland, so of course it’s far away.”

Me: “…”

A Probing Set Of Questions

, | Ithaca, NY, USA | Bizarre, School

(Our college has students that work with the officers of public safety to help patrol the college and dorms at night. Other students like to tease us to varying degrees. This conversation takes place with a student who is tipsy but still being rather polite.)

Student: “What if I took off running right now?”

Me: *jokingly* “That’s what the flashlight is for.”

Student: “What if you miss?”

Me: “That’s what the radio is for.”

Student: “What if you miss?”

Me: “That’s what the probie is for.” *look at my partner* “Go fetch.”

His Explanation Isn’t Kosher

, | NY, USA | Religion

(I work in a college dining hall in the kosher kitchen.)

Customer #1: “Hey, so what is kosher anyways?”

Me: “Well, it’s—”

Customer #2: “It means the food has been watched over by one of their priests.”

Me: “No, actually, that’s a common misconception. It’s actually—”

Customer #2: “No, it’s not. That’s how it works. Clearly, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” *the guy is wearing a cross around his neck*

Me: “That’d be amazing, considering I’m an Orthodox Jew and I’ve kept kosher all my life. I wasn’t aware that non-Jews knew more about my religion than I do. Please, go on.”

(Customer #2 huffed and left. His friend looked slightly embarrassed and hurried away before I can continue my explanation.)

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 10

, | Rexburg, ID, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I’m the supervisor at a university library closing on a Friday night, when we close earlier. We have an irate student come to the desk five minutes before we close.)

Coworker: “How can I help you?”

Student: “I didn’t know you guys closed early on Fridays. I need you to stay open for me!”

Coworker: “Our hours are posted, and we don’t have the power to keep the library open.”

Student: “You don’t know anything! I want to speak to your supervisor!”

(I step in at this point.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Student: “I just started a test! I need you guys to stay open for another hour!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t have the power to keep the library open past hours.”

Student: “You just don’t know you can do something! Well, I’m going to stay, whether open or closed!”

(The student stormed off, and security escorted him out at closing.)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 9
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 8
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 7

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