It’s Payback Time

, | Bangalore, India | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I am working part-time as a cashier in a cafeteria in a large college campus where I am a student. A young man accompanied by a girl approaches my counter. The man starts to order.)

Customer: “Listen, I will pay you later. You can trust me.”

Me: “Sorry, I need payment first before we can serve you the items you ordered.”

Customer: “You can trust me. Everyone on this campus knows me.”

Me: “I still need payment first as I have never met you before and don’t know you. My till cannot come up short. So if I let you have these items without you paying for it then I will have to pay for it out of my pocket. Since you are well known on campus as you said, perhaps you can find someone here in the cafeteria who will let you borrow some money.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You can easily find me in the campus. I will be either in my room in the [Dorm] which is very close by, or in the [Department]. You can ask anyone in the campus.”

Me: “Sorry, but you seem to be suggesting that I just give you the items you ordered now and then I run about the campus to collect payment from you later in your dorm or your department. Obviously I cannot do that. As your dorm is close by, can’t you just get some money from your room?”

(The customer just glared at me for a few seconds, let loose a string of expletives, and stormed out with the girl following behind. If he was trying to impress the girl about how important he was, he went about doing that in a very stupid way. He cannot expect a random person to pay for his date!)

Departmental Or Just Mental?

| USA | Crazy Requests

(I answer phones as a receptionist at a college, transferring callers to the correct department.)

Caller: “Hello. May I please speak with the department?”

Me: “May I ask which department you need me to connect you with?”

Caller: “No, just the department.”

Me: “Ma’am, we have many departments. If you tell me what your call is about, I can transfer you to the correct one.”

Caller: “The one where I spoke with the lady the other day!”

Me: “Do you remember the name of the person you spoke with?”

Caller: “No. She was a lady, though.”

Me: “What did she help you with, ma’am?”

Caller: “I don’t remember. Can you please transfer me?”

(At this point, I just transferred the caller to one of our many departments that had a female worker. She called back multiple times before getting to the correct department. I was baffled!)

They’re Probably Grumpy In The Daytime Too

, | Norman, OK, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work as a dispatcher for a university police department. I work night shift. I stay up all night even on my days off. It is about two or three in the morning and the phone rings.)

Me: “[My Name], Police Department.”

Caller: *an older female* “Y’all need to turn your stadium lights off!”

(Football is a religion in this town. The gigantic football stadium is practically right in the middle of everything, and its lights are often kept on at night for workers.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “I’m trying to sleep and those d*** lights are shining right into my house!”

Me: I’m sorry about that, ma’am. It’s up to the athletic department to turn the lights on and off, but I can pass it along to my lieutenant and see if anything can be done.”

Caller: *further ranting about not being able to sleep and how inconsiderate the university is, etc. before hanging up*

(Had I not been on a recorded line, I might have pointed out the irony to her in calling a night shift worker in the middle of the night and complaining about not being able to sleep to someone who has to sleep in the middle of the day. With the noise. And the light. And the traffic…)

His Thinking Is Far To The Right

, | Fayetteville, AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Popular, School

(Usually, it’s pretty slow but one day a patron is very irate and storms over to me.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”

Patron: “You need to change your doors!”

Me: *slightly confused* “Excuse me?”

Patron: “Your doors are on the wrong side. This is f***ing America! We do everything to the right! You god-d*** door entrances are on the left. I demand you fix them!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask that you stop using that type of language and keep your voice down. I’m sorry you have such a problem with the position of our doors. I can fill out a maintenance request but I don’t think there is much they will be willing to do since they isn’t actually anything physically wrong with the doors.”

Patron: “Listen here! I’m the Dean of this library! I demand you fix those doors right now! This is America, not f***ing England! ”

Me: “Sir, I am asking you again to lower your voice and not speak to me that way. If I have to ask you again I will be asking you to leave. And sir, that’s pretty amazing surgery if you’re in fact the dean.”

Patron: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, sir, you’re a Caucasian, mid-twenties male. Our Dean, at least as of this morning when she came in, was an African American, middle-aged woman.”

(He stormed out of the library as security quickly followed him. He was banned from the library and I never did put in that maintenance request!)

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The Color Of Laziness

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Crazy Requests

(I’m working in a computer lab, when a student approaches the desk.)

Student: “So, do you guys have color printing?”

Me: “Not in here, but just down the hallway by the elevator we have a color printer.”

(It is a distance of maybe 15 meters.)

Student: “You mean I have to walk ALL THE WAY over THERE?!”

Me: “Well… I could give you a piggy back ride?”

(The student stared at me blankly and left. The sad part is, he had to walk MUCH farther than that just to get into the computer lab.)

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