Enigmatic Espresso

, , , | Right | June 2, 2009

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get started for you today?”

Customer: *in drive-thru* “I don’t know.”

Me: “Er… would you like any suggestions?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know what it is I always get. My daughter usually gets it for me.”

Me: “Okay, no big deal. Was it hot or cold?”

Customer: “Both.”

Me: “…was it ‘coffee’ or ‘not coffee’?

Customer: “Hmm… I believe it was both.”

Me: “I’m gonna go grab my manager… Just a moment!”

Manager: “Hi there, could you please describe for me what you usually get?”

Customer: “I don’t know! My daughter gets it for me every day!”

Manager: “Let’s break it down further… was it a solid or a liquid?”

Customer: “Both…”

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A Whole Lotta Latte

, , , | Right | May 27, 2009

Customer: “Could I have a mug of chino?”

Me: “Sorry… a what?”

Customer: “Mug of chino. I don’t think a cup of chino is enough.”

Me: “…a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, a mug of it.”

Me: “…”

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Tall-Size Steps Towards Venti-Size Change

, , | Right | May 20, 2009

(A regular customer comes through the drive-thru. She’s a difficult person to deal with and we have a new barista on bar tonight.)

Customer: “My usual, please.”

(I take her money and keep an eye on our new barista while he makes her tricky drink. He makes it just right. When the barista hands it over to me, she pulls a face suddenly.)

Customer: “Who’s THAT?”

Me: “Oh, that’s [Name], our newest barista! He took extra care with your drink tonight. I was watching.”

(I had been watching him make it and knew it was perfect. She then took a sip and made a face.)

Customer: “Too sweet! Honey, could YOU just make it for me? YOU always get it right.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go to the bar and pretend to make things next to the new guy, who is really making her drink. Then I walk over and hand the new barista-made beverage out to her.)

Customer: *sipping* “Mmm! PERFECT! I knew YOU wouldn’t let me down!”

Me: “Actually, [Name] made that one, too. I just kept an extra eye on him to make sure it was absolutely perfect, and now he knows exactly how to do it for next time, too!”

Customer: “….uh… well…it IS a little OFF, but I’ll let it slide this time.”

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Eternal Persistence Is The Price Of Coffee Or Tea

, , | Right | May 7, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some coffee?”

Me: “Sure, decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Oh! Sugar, too, please!”

Me: “Not a problem. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “None of that sweet and low stuff. Real sugar!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Oh, and milk, too!”

Me: “Absolutely. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “But not skim, or whole, or 2%. You got any half and half?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Good!”

Me: “Right. Coffee with sugar and half and half. Do you want decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Make sure there’s not too much milk. Gotta be a bit strong.”

Me: “Right. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Oh, and lots of sugar! I like it sweet… but not too much milk!”

Me: “Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Oh, bring out some extra sugar, would you? Just in case.”

Me: *gives up* “Okay, one decaf coffee, half and half, extra sugar?”

Customer: “No, REGULAR! Geez, I swear… people just don’t pay attention anymore!”

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Consideration Is Key

, | Right | May 4, 2009

(A customer comes through the drive-thru two minutes before close and orders seven blended drinks. She starts talking to me through the window as I’m working on her drinks.)

Customer: “Isn’t it so annoying when people come through ordering blended beverages right before close?”

Me: *politely* “Well, it’s not too much of a hassle. It just takes a while to make each of them, that’s all.”

Customer: “Oh. Then I’d like to order four more please. And can you hurry? I’m late for work.”

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