A Heated Debate Of When Coffee Stops Becoming Coffee

, , , , , , | Right | February 21, 2019

(I’m working the first register while my coworker is taking a coffee order.)

Customer: “—and I want it EXTRA, EXTRA, EXTRA hot.”

(We can only heat it so far until the milk boils, so I wander over to see what coworker has written. She’s written, “Milk 100+ degrees)

Me: *whispering* “Hey, do you reckon he wants his coffee hot?”

Coworker: “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”

Me: *laughs* “But in all seriousness, the milk will boil.”

Coworker: “I know, but it’s what he asked for, so I’ll take it as high as I can without boiling it.”

(I notice she’s written down that he wants five sugars, but I say nothing and go back to my work.)

Customer: “Y’know, this is my second favorite place to buy coffee. If the other place isn’t open I come here. It’s good coffee, but I have to have it really hot and really sweet, or I can’t drink it!”

Coworker: “Well, I got the milk to 95; if I keep going it’ll boil and curdle, so I can’t heat it anymore.”

Customer: “Okay, it’ll do.” *takes it and leaves*

Me: “FIVE SUGARS?!”

Coworker: “Yep.”

Me: “How does he know it’s good coffee if he dumps so much sugar in it?! Although, he probably needs to; sounds like his ‘extra, extra, extra hot’ coffees burned his taste buds off years ago!”

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Don’t Give Starbucks Any Ideas

, , , , , | Friendly | February 9, 2019

(After a high school camping trip, we stop at a diner to eat.)

Father: “I think I’m going to have a big cup of java.”

Friend: *excitedly* “Really? You’re really going to have java? Wow!”

Me: “You realize ‘java’ is just coffee, right?”

Friend: “Oh.”

Me: “What did you think it was?”

Friend: “One of those big fancy drinks with all the fruit and umbrellas.”

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Card Reading Too Much Into This

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2018

(I work in a large convenience store based on the West Coast, and work graveyards. We get quite the colorful rotation of regulars which I’m seasoned enough to deal with.)

Customer: *approaches me with a coffee, a new one, that I just watched her make* “It’s a REFILL!”

(She then pulls out a clearly snapped-in-half debit card, covered in electrical tape. I remember her card not processing a couple weeks ago, and giving her coffee for free. The queue behind her is growing. I try her card every which way I can think of, including manual entry. No dice.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve had problems with the card reader all night. I’m terribly sorry. I’ll cover the coffee.”

(She then UNLEASHES her fury over not being able to swipe her card over $1.06 and abuses my machine to the point where I give up and ask her to hand it over. Yep, will not read. Again.)

Customer: “There’s 134 god-d*** DOLLARS on here! Why can the OTHER CASHIER make my card work and you can’t? You f*** up my time every time I’m in here!”

(I noticed the line was growing behind her. I lost all patience and called my coworker over while she huffed and puffed about how it JUST worked in the ATM today (incredibly doubtful) and we just wanted to refuse her card. It didn’t work on any card reader that night and she grabbed her coffee and stomped out of the store muttering about how “if we’d just TRY to run her card RIGHT!” I’m not sure if she’s trying to scam us out of a dollar or just stupid.)

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The Boobishly Designed Cash Register

, , , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2018

I used to work at a coffee stand on a college campus. It was run by the college, so our financial paperwork was occasionally audited by state auditors. We had to account for every time we opened the cash register because the register would log the time stamp on a report we had to file.

We weren’t allowed to open the drawer for anything but a shift start, a sale, and shift end. Unfortunately, due to the placement of the register and the stand itself, most of us baristas ended up having to lean in close to the register and its handy “drawer open” button. Also unfortunately, most of us had boobs that got in the way and hit the button. We were instructed to write down a brief note about why the drawer was opened.

And that’s the story about how some state auditor had to handle a file full of little notes that read, “Sorry, hit with boob.”

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Ridiculous Regulars

, , , , , | Working | November 25, 2018

(I work at a donut and coffee place. There is one customer who always demands two turbo shots — espresso shots — but is only charged for one at $0.99 each. She has a very specific request on how to make her iced coffee correctly. She pulls up into our drive-thru.)

Customer: “Large iced caramel coffee with a large turbo shot.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $5.13.”

Customer: “Excuse me. That is not what I ordered.”

Me: “I apologize.”

(I recite her order back with same total.)

Customer: “That price isn’t right. I am a regular; where is the manager?”

Me: “I apologize, but the manager has left for the day.”

(By this time my coworker is telling me she is a regular and always gets said order. The customer pulls up, fuming. I open the drive-thru window and I am met with cursing and ranting about how I am doing my job incorrectly. I apologize and make her coffee.)

Customer: “That is not how I want it.”

Me: “This is the way we are taught to make an iced coffee.”

Customer: “I don’t get ice first; it’s the large turbo shot that is first. You aren’t giving me a large.”

Me: “Ma’am, again, I apologize, but I cannot put a hot beverage in a plastic cup, and I could be burned. You only wanted to pay for one of the turbo shots. I cannot give you a large without you paying for it, as I will lose my job.”

Customer: “Where the f*** is [Coworker]?”

Me: “She is currently with a customer at the front counter, if you would like to come in.”

Customer: “WHY THE F*** WOULD I COME IN IF I AM IN THE DRIVE-THRU?!”

Me: “Again, I apologize. Please do not yell at me. [Coworker] is busy, and I also have other customers waiting in line.”

Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHO IS WAITING! I AM A REGULAR AND I GET WHAT I WANT EVERY TIME.” *drives off*

Coworker: “She is our regular, and the manager gives her what she asks for.”

Me: “Why? She still has to pay for what she wants. We can actually lose our jobs for incorrectly or not charging someone.”

(Weeks go by and I avoid this regular like the plague.)

Manager: “Hey, so we had a complaint from one of our regular customers that you did not serve them what they wanted. She also has your work schedule.”

Me: “Excuse me. She has what now? She also should be charged for her large turbo shot like everyone else.”

Manager: “Well, [Coworker] says you wouldn’t give it to her. She also is the one taking photos of your schedule and giving them to the customer.”

Me: “That is illegal. She is not an employee or management and should not have that information. It is clearly a safety issue.”

(I actually got suspended for saying how wrong it was because I did not give this regular something she did not pay for. I was told I was wrong for feeling unsafe with some stranger I didn’t know having my schedule. This happened a year ago and I am still speaking with a lawyer about how this company did nothing for their employees and their safety.)

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