Don’t Give Starbucks Any Ideas

, , , , , | Friendly | February 9, 2019

(After a high school camping trip, we stop at a diner to eat.)

Father: “I think I’m going to have a big cup of java.”

Friend: *excitedly* “Really? You’re really going to have java? Wow!”

Me: “You realize ‘java’ is just coffee, right?”

Friend: “Oh.”

Me: “What did you think it was?”

Friend: “One of those big fancy drinks with all the fruit and umbrellas.”

Card Reading Too Much Into This

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2018

(I work in a large convenience store based on the West Coast, and work graveyards. We get quite the colorful rotation of regulars which I’m seasoned enough to deal with.)

Customer: *approaches me with a coffee, a new one, that I just watched her make* “It’s a REFILL!”

(She then pulls out a clearly snapped-in-half debit card, covered in electrical tape. I remember her card not processing a couple weeks ago, and giving her coffee for free. The queue behind her is growing. I try her card every which way I can think of, including manual entry. No dice.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve had problems with the card reader all night. I’m terribly sorry. I’ll cover the coffee.”

(She then UNLEASHES her fury over not being able to swipe her card over $1.06 and abuses my machine to the point where I give up and ask her to hand it over. Yep, will not read. Again.)

Customer: “There’s 134 god-d*** DOLLARS on here! Why can the OTHER CASHIER make my card work and you can’t? You f*** up my time every time I’m in here!”

(I noticed the line was growing behind her. I lost all patience and called my coworker over while she huffed and puffed about how it JUST worked in the ATM today (incredibly doubtful) and we just wanted to refuse her card. It didn’t work on any card reader that night and she grabbed her coffee and stomped out of the store muttering about how “if we’d just TRY to run her card RIGHT!” I’m not sure if she’s trying to scam us out of a dollar or just stupid.)

The Boobishly Designed Cash Register

, , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2018

I used to work at a coffee stand on a college campus. It was run by the college, so our financial paperwork was occasionally audited by state auditors. We had to account for every time we opened the cash register because the register would log the time stamp on a report we had to file.

We weren’t allowed to open the drawer for anything but a shift start, a sale, and shift end. Unfortunately, due to the placement of the register and the stand itself, most of us baristas ended up having to lean in close to the register and its handy “drawer open” button. Also unfortunately, most of us had boobs that got in the way and hit the button. We were instructed to write down a brief note about why the drawer was opened.

And that’s the story about how some state auditor had to handle a file full of little notes that read, “Sorry, hit with boob.”

Ridiculous Regulars

, , , , , | Working | November 25, 2018

(I work at a donut and coffee place. There is one customer who always demands two turbo shots — espresso shots — but is only charged for one at $0.99 each. She has a very specific request on how to make her iced coffee correctly. She pulls up into our drive-thru.)

Customer: “Large iced caramel coffee with a large turbo shot.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $5.13.”

Customer: “Excuse me. That is not what I ordered.”

Me: “I apologize.”

(I recite her order back with same total.)

Customer: “That price isn’t right. I am a regular; where is the manager?”

Me: “I apologize, but the manager has left for the day.”

(By this time my coworker is telling me she is a regular and always gets said order. The customer pulls up, fuming. I open the drive-thru window and I am met with cursing and ranting about how I am doing my job incorrectly. I apologize and make her coffee.)

Customer: “That is not how I want it.”

Me: “This is the way we are taught to make an iced coffee.”

Customer: “I don’t get ice first; it’s the large turbo shot that is first. You aren’t giving me a large.”

Me: “Ma’am, again, I apologize, but I cannot put a hot beverage in a plastic cup, and I could be burned. You only wanted to pay for one of the turbo shots. I cannot give you a large without you paying for it, as I will lose my job.”

Customer: “Where the f*** is [Coworker]?”

Me: “She is currently with a customer at the front counter, if you would like to come in.”


Me: “Again, I apologize. Please do not yell at me. [Coworker] is busy, and I also have other customers waiting in line.”


Coworker: “She is our regular, and the manager gives her what she asks for.”

Me: “Why? She still has to pay for what she wants. We can actually lose our jobs for incorrectly or not charging someone.”

(Weeks go by and I avoid this regular like the plague.)

Manager: “Hey, so we had a complaint from one of our regular customers that you did not serve them what they wanted. She also has your work schedule.”

Me: “Excuse me. She has what now? She also should be charged for her large turbo shot like everyone else.”

Manager: “Well, [Coworker] says you wouldn’t give it to her. She also is the one taking photos of your schedule and giving them to the customer.”

Me: “That is illegal. She is not an employee or management and should not have that information. It is clearly a safety issue.”

(I actually got suspended for saying how wrong it was because I did not give this regular something she did not pay for. I was told I was wrong for feeling unsafe with some stranger I didn’t know having my schedule. This happened a year ago and I am still speaking with a lawyer about how this company did nothing for their employees and their safety.)

Her Brain Is Made Of Cream

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(I work in the cafe that sits inside of a large bookstore. A woman approaches my register and purchases a small cup of medium roast coffee with some pumpkin spice syrup and room for cream. I prepare and hand her the drink and continue about my business. I manage to take a fifteen-minute break AND be back on the clock for another hour before she approaches me with a scowl.)

Customer: “What kind of coffee did you sell me? This is not [Brand] coffee. You sold me some cheap stuff. This is just undrinkable.”

Me: “That is a cup of [Brand] medium roast, ma’am. It’s the same type of coffee that they sell at every other [Brand] store.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. If it is, then you made this really wrong. Maybe it’s the pumpkin syrup.”

Me: “Have you had any pumpkin syrup at any other [Brand] store this year?”

Customer: “Yes, and this isn’t the same.”

(She opens her cup to reveal a surprisingly dark shade of coffee. I realize it looks exactly like it did when I first handed it to her.)

Me: “Did you try adding any cream? I left you room for it in the cup like you requested.”

Customer: “How can I add cream if the container is empty?!”

(I then realize that she tried to add cream, realized our carafe was empty, and decided not to notify or ask me about refilling it. I reach into our under-counter fridge and fill the container up and hand it to her.)

Me: “Add some of this and try it now.”

(She takes it angrily from the counter and adds a copious amount of cream. The drink is now more cream and pumpkin spice syrup than it is coffee. She takes a sip and nods.)

Customer: “See? Now that’s how [Brand] coffee normally tastes. Why couldn’t you have just made it like this the first time?!”

(She happily walked away, sipping on her coffee-flavored milkshake, while I stared at her in disbelief. When will I ever learn to make a decent cup of coffee? The world may never know.)

Page 1/41234