Would Have Been Ice To Know

| USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(My coworker just finished making a drink for this woman who had been watching her intently the whole time and is handing it to the customer at the end of the bar.)

Coworker: “Here is your drink!”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted that iced.”

Coworker: “Well, ma’am, just so you know, that is important to say when you order your drink.”

Like, Soy Annoying

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am making several drinks during a rush when I hear a loud “HELLO” from behind me, at the register.)

Me: “Just a moment!”

(I hand the drinks to the appropriate customers, and then turn back to the girl standing at the register with an off-putting smile on her face. )

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hi”

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a… mocha… soyyy.”

Me: “All right, anything else for ya?”

(The customer looks at me like I just asked the most obvious question:)

Customer: “Yeaaaah. Do you have anything, like, I dunno, hazelnut?”

Me: “Yes. Today we’re brewing a hazelnut flavored coffee, or I can add hazelnut to an iced coffee, or a latte.”

Customer: “…Anything else?”

Me: “Umm, I can make it frozen, iced, hot… What would you like?”

Customer: “I’m just asking what you have.”

Me: “Okay, we also have a ‘german mocha’ which has caramel, hazelnut, coconut, and mocha! Or—”

Customer: “Just give me a super brewed coffee.”

Me: “All right!”

(I hand her the 24oz cup, ring it up, and hit the button which allows credit card transactions. She’s kind of staring at me blankly.)

Me: “And did you still want the mocha?”

Customer: “I already said that, with soy!”

Me: “Yes, okay, the soy mocha latte. Did you want it hot?”

Customer: “Uh… yeah.” *like I’m a huge idiot*

Me: “And what size?”

Customer: “Super! I already said super! You should know this!”

Me: “I’m sorry. So the super coffee and the soy mocha. That’ll be $7.46. If you just wait one—”

(I had to cancel out the transaction which was currently only going to process $2.22 for the drip coffee, so that I could combine the total and the customer would only have to swipe once. However, she didn’t listen when I asked her to wait one moment, soo….)

Me: “Okay, I’m going to have to ask you to swipe once more for the latte.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I’m not paying twice. I already swiped my card!”

Me: “Yes, but you only paid for the coffee. I tried to tell you.”

Customer: “Why did you do that? Why are you charging me twice. I’m not swiping again.”

Me: “Ma’am, you only paid $2.22. Here is your receipt.”

(The customer glances at it.)

Customer: “I’m going to need my mocha soy! I need it! I’m not swiping again. I ain’t paying twice. You’re going to give me my mocha.”

Me: “You’ll get your mocha if you pay for your mocha.”

(The customer finally swipes her card again. I print out the receipt and just as she starts to yell at me for it I push it towards her. I am met by screaming.)

Customer: “You charged me twice! What did you do! You should have put them together! Give me my money back!”

Me: “Look at the receipts; I did not charge you twice.”

Customer: “Are you going to make my mocha?”

Me: “Yep.”

(I grab a cup, move away from the register and she yells at me “That’s a MOCHA SOY!” I grit my teeth, make it real quick, still take the time to make a pretty looking drink, then hand it back to her. She looks at it, then looks at me.)

Customer: “Did you tamper with my drink?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “WHAT?! You did, didn’t you?!”

(I’m completely dumbfounded, I was gone about 30 seconds, and you can SEE where I was standing from the register.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you, f***** spitting in my mocha.”

(She finally moves away from the register, leaving me positively fuming with anger.)

Espresso On Expresso

| MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work for a coffee shop franchise where the goal is to get the customer their drive-thru order in one minute or less, from the time they order at the menu board to handing it out the window.)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get started for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just need this drink really fast… Can you just make me a really fast small iced mocha?”

Me: “I sure can. Would you like any extra shots of espresso? It only comes with one.”

Customer: “No, I just need it really fast… Oh, and can I get an extra shot?”

Me: *annoyed because she’s wasting her own time* “Sure thing. I’ll see you at the window.”

Customer: *now at the window* “How much is it?”

(I give her the total, which was something like $4.03. She begins to rummage around in her purse.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. How much was it?”

(I give her the total again.)

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *pulls out her cup-holder of change* “Um, how much was it?”

(I give her the total for the THIRD time.)

Customer: “Awesome!” *hands me $5*

Customer: *as I begin counting her change* “Could you please hurry? I just need my coffee really fast.”

(I am so done at this point. I hand her the drink, which has been sitting next to me for the last 45 seconds because I’ve been waiting on her.)

Customer: “Thanks!” *peels out driving away*

Me: “…Thanks for the tip?”

The Power Of The Holiday Season

| NH, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a large, popular coffee shop chain and it is four days before Christmas. A wind storm has caused all but our emergency power to go out, and we only have a few lights, one computer, and one espresso machine working. Our district manager refuses to authorize a complete shutdown until the final machines die, so we are still taking customers. Our store is very dark and oddly quiet due to the lack of music and refrigerator exhaust.)

Customer: “I’ll have a venti nonfat latte and a bacon breakfast sandwich.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can still make the drink, but our oven is not working at the moment, so we can’t heat up a sandwich for you.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. Well, the latte then. Can you also grind this coffee for a French press?” *places a pound of our company’s holiday coffee on the counter*

Me: “I’m afraid our grinder is out of commission as well right now. We have pre-ground bags of that coffee available on sale today, but the grind is intended for an electric coffee maker, not a French press.”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “Okay…” *grabs a gift card from our impulse display* “Can you put $15 on this and give me an envelope?”

(I scan the card and give it back to her.)

Me: “Be sure to hold onto the receipt for that. Our system is partially down and while I’m not anticipating it, there’s a small chance that the activation might not go through right away.”

Customer: *fully angry now* “Why are you being so god-d*** unhelpful today? It’s four days before Christmas! You people should have been prepared for a large amount of customers!”

Me: *very calmly* “Ma’am, we were prepared for a lot of customers. What we weren’t prepared for was a wind storm strong enough to knock out our power. That’s why our oven, grinder, and computers aren’t working to their normal capacity.”

(The woman blinks and looks around, as if she’s only now just noticing the building’s darkness and eerie silence.)

Customer: “Oh, wow. I didn’t even notice.”

Me: *trying to smile as I hand her the latte* “We’re working with what we have for now.”

Customer: “You have no business being open if you can’t take care of people!” *flounces off*

Me: “Merry Christmas!”

(Thank goodness we got the call to shut down only a few minutes later, but those few minutes involved several more people who could not comprehend that we couldn’t do much for them.)

Five Coffee Ring (Stains)

| Australia | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a cafe that is part of a club that also has restaurants and bars. People often come in for dinner and coffee, and then stick around for some drinks. It is just before Christmas, and two customers come to my counter looking very excited.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Club]! What can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Hi, I’d like to order two cappuccinos, four hot chocolates, and three flat—”

Customer #2: *very excitedly* “And a partridge in a pear tree!”

(Both of them pause, looking at me expectantly.)

Customer #1: “…I think we did that wrong.”

Customer #2: “And we’re not even drunk yet!”

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