In Soviet Russia, Mustard Spreads You

, | Cape Cod, MA, USA | Working | January 11, 2017

(My mother, sister, and I going through the drive-thru at one of our local donut/coffee shops. At this particular location, they’ve just hired new employees who happen to be Russian. I’m the driver in this situation and my mother is in the passenger’s seat.)

Employee: *in thick accent* “Hi, welcome to [Donut Shop]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “Hi, can I get three [drinks] and a [sandwich] with no mustard.”

Employee: “We don’t have lobster.”

Mom: “No, I said no mustard.”

Employee: “This is [Donut Shop]. We don’t have lobster.”

My Family: *awkward silence*

Me: “MUSTARD.”

Employee: “Okay… please pull up.”

(When we got to the order window, we had to repeat our order two more times! But we laughed about it for a long time after!)

Driving Through Those Orders

| ON, Canada | Working | January 11, 2017

(At my coffee shop I’ve just been switched from front cash to drive-thru. I’m not really paying much attention. This is all my bad.)

Me: *sees donut and coffee on the counter and passes it out the window* “Here you go, sir. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “But—”

Me: *shuts the window*

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: *begins taking next order over headset*

(The customer drove away, and I looked and saw his order was still on my till. Guess who got their donut and coffee for free?)

Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | January 10, 2017

(I have just gotten off my shift and order a drink to take with me. After marking it out, I decide to get back in line to grab a pound of coffee. When I get to the handoff plane…)

Me: *to Coworker, jokingly* “Where’s my drink? I’ve been waiting for hours! You’re so slow!”

Coworker: “No worries, ma’am, your mocha will be ready shortly!”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “I didn’t order a mocha! You fool! I want what I ordered!”

Coworker: *completely serious* “Wait, seriously? I don’t have anything else with your name on it here… Did you put a weird name on it?”

Me: “No…”

Coworker: “Did [Other Coworker] write it wrong or something? What did you actually want?”

Me: “No, I wrote it myself since there wasn’t anyone else in line at the time… It was a tall kid’s temp flat white with pumpkin spice and a pump of vanilla. Did the cup fall to the floor or something?”

Coworker: *gasps* “I totally made that and someone grabbed it! Did they really hear all that and still think it was their mocha?”

(I look around, and sure enough, there’s an angry-looking woman peering into her cup a few feet away. She approaches the counter, looking like she is about to go off on my coworker, but I interrupt.)

Me: “Yeah, that was mine.”

Customer: “But it has my name on it!”

Me: “It’s a pumpkin spice flat white… You ordered a mocha, correct?”

Customer: “Yes, but this one has my name on it!”

(By this point, I’m already irritable from being up before the sun and having to stay late on an already-long shift and all I want is to chug my sugary, fattening caffeinated beverage and go home. I’m so tempted to chew this woman out, but I’m still holding my green apron and don’t want to get in trouble or cause problems for the manager, so I have to hold back.)

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know what else to tell you. He’s working on the drink you ordered now. What you have is a totally different drink, which is the drink that I ordered.”

Customer: “With MY name on it?! If it’s not supposed to be mine then why does it say [Name] on it?”

Me: “…because that’s also my name?”

(My coworker finishes the mocha and calls out both the drink and the name.)

Customer: “Well, whose is that since APPARENTLY there’s more than one [Name] around here?!”

Coworker: “Your name is [Name] and you ordered a mocha, correct?”

Customer: “YES!”

Coworker: “Then that one is yours. Have a nice day!”

Customer: *slams other drink on counter* “Well, I already drank out of this! I don’t know what you want me to do about it!” *storms off*

Coworker: *hands my remade drink directly to me* “PLEASE don’t let this out of your grasp because I do NOT want to go through all that again. I’m sure you need it more than anyone else here. Oh, s***, I forgot to make it kid’s temp!”

Me: “It’s fine… I’m already dead inside… Doesn’t matter if I burn the crap out of my tongue…”

I’ll Take It Black Death

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | January 10, 2017

(I am the customer in this story. I walk into my local coffee shop this morning and notice that one of the menu TVs is showing a Blue Screen of Death.)

Me: “I wasn’t expecting to see that on your menu.”

Barista: “Yeah, we have a new Blue Screen of Death Latte. It tastes like a burnt out computer.”

Me: “Mmm… Silicon Dioxide.”

Barista: “Yummy.”

Double Doubling The Work Load

| USA | Working | January 6, 2017

(I frequent a coffee shop famous for its “double double” order. This happens every time I go to one, anywhere I’ve ever been in one.)

Me: “Can I get a large double double with caramel, please?”

Cashier: *baffled* “What?”

Me: “A large coffee with two creams, two sugars, and a caramel shot, please.”

Cashier: “Okay, so that’s a large double double with caramel.”

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