The Caffeinated Dead

| TX, USA | Working | July 11, 2017

(The people working at my local coffee shop are very friendly, and are used to my zombie-like behavior since I come in most mornings.)

Me: *tired and very zombie like* “Coffeeee…”

Barista: “Good morning, Miss [My Name]! I’m guessing you want your usual?”

Me: *tired nod*

Barista: “You’re even more zombie-like than usual; didn’t you sleep last night?”

Me: “Yeah… Mother gave me a sleeping pill.”

Barista: “Ah. That explains it. All right then, one Javalanche, coming right up.”

(Nodding and paying, I go wait for my coffee at the end of the line.)

Barista: *handing me my coffee and one of their muffins* “The muffin’s on me. Enjoy!”

Youth Got A Lotta Nerve!

| IL, USA | Working | July 11, 2017

(Our local mall has a “youth escort policy” where kids under 18 have to be accompanied by adults after 6 pm. This story takes place when I am a freshman in high school, on a shopping trip with my friends as well as someone’s mom.)

Mom: “I’d like to get a coffee. Do you think they’d mind if I went into that shop right there while you looked at those scarves?”

Friend: “Oh, of course not.”

(Note that while she is in the shop she is no more than 15 feet away from us. We are giggling and trying on scarves.)

Security Guard: “What do you ladies think you’re doing?”

Friend #1: *very nervous* “Uh… um, looking at these scarves?”

Friend #2: *calmly* “Oh, we’re just trying these on. I hope you don’t mind. We can put them back if you’d like. Sorry to be a bother—”

Security Guard: “No! Don’t talk to me like that; you know full well what you’re doing, and I don’t like it.”

Friend #2: “I’m sorry, sir, um—”

Security Guard: *to his walkie-talkie* “Hello, we’ve got some girls who are trying to pull some monkey business with this scarf stand—”

Me: “Wait, no, sir! I’m sorry; her mom is in the coffee shop! We can show you, here. See? She’s coming out now!”

Mom: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Security Guard: “Well, they are in violation of our youth escort policy! They could be up to no good! You should do a better job of keeping track of your kids!”

Mom: “Get a life, a**-hole.”

(We all stand, gaping at her nerve.)

Mom: “You don’t need to kick us out. We’re leaving. Come on, girls, let’s go.”

Unless Her Son’s Name Is Coffee

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | July 11, 2017

(I work in a coffee bar for an anchor store at a local mall. The coffee bar opens up into the mall hallway and not the store itself. My manager and I are working away, Manager at the register, while I make drinks, when a customer comes up to the bar with a lost kid who is three to four years old. My manager calls security and the kid is escorted to our customer service department until they can figure out where his mom is. Minutes later, a panicky lady is up at the bar and the following exchange occurs between my manager and the lady.)

Manager: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Lady: “I lost my son and I need coffee right now!”

Manager: “Little boy about three or four?”

Lady: “Yes. I need a [fancy latte of some sort].”

Manager: “Your son was take to our customer service department, and is waiting there for you.”

(The lady thinks my manager is being sarcastic. I have no idea how.)

Lady: “I guess I’m just a horrible mother!”

(The lady proceeded to storm off, away from the store, and away from her lost son. Really makes you question her priorities. My kid is lost/kidnapped. Better stop for coffee!)

Unfiltered Story #90058

, , | Unfiltered | June 23, 2017

(Woman walks up to counter)

Me: “Hello, how is your day going?”

(Woman puts a brand new cup from our store on the counter)

Woman: “I want my free refill!”

Me: “you can only get a free refill within two hours of your original purchase, and its $.50 for non [Company Name] card members”

(The woman point to a regular I just rang up that I knows has no association with her)

Woman: “He has my money, give me my coffee. (Points at my coworker not named Heather) Don’t let that Heather b**** get it.”

Me: “You need to pay for your own coffee ma’am, when did you purchase this cup?”

(She starts muttering, I go to get the supervisor and notice the lid and barcode slip in our tip jar. While I’m away she lundges over the counter and grabs the stolen cup. Police were called and we got the cup back later that day)

Well, Look What The Sewage Dragged In

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2017

(My store’s sump pump has stopped working and caused raw sewage to back up into the store. We have closed the store until the plumber is able to fix the problem and a hazmat team can come and clean everything. All the doors have signs saying we are closed. Unfortunately for me, policy says that whenever workers are in the store a supervisor has to be in the store with them as well. I am that supervisor. I am sitting in the customer area in one of the only spots I can sit without being in sewage. Since we closed customers have come up, read the sign, and left. A few tried the handle first, then when they couldn’t open it read the sign, and left. I’m sitting in the back watching but there isn’t much I can do. A customer comes up to the door and tries it. It doesn’t open. She pulls harder. She walks around to the other door and tries that one. Then she goes back to the first and then back to the second. She then comes over to the window that is next to where I am sitting. There is a shrub that runs the length of this side of the store from the door all the way back. She forces her way through the shrub and starts banging on the window. She bangs harder. Finally I get up because she isn’t leaving and go to the side door, the one closest to her.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “Finally! Your doors are stuck.”

Me: “No, we’re closed. They are locked.”

Customer: “It’s very unprofessional for you to just be sitting on the job. It’s very lazy of you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed. We are having technical issues and I can’t let anyone in.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been here for 30 minutes and I demand a drink for free! I got mud all over my shoes and it’s your fault for having doors that wouldn’t open!”

Me: *standing near sewage* “Ma’am, we’re closed. I am closing the door now. Our competitor is across the parking lot. I suggest you go there.”

(I then close and relock the door, not sure how she has missed the horrible smell that is coming from the store. After a few more minutes she leaves in a huff. The next day I’m working and the phone rings so I pick it up.)

Customer: “I came by yesterday and the person working was being lazy and locked the door because they didn’t want to help anyone! Because of them my shoes were ruined and I was late getting back from my lunch break!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was me. We were closed, the door was locked, the lights were out, and there were signs. What else did you want us to do?”

Customer: “Well, Google said you were open, so you should have been open!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t know ahead of time when things are going to break causing us to close the store. I’m hanging up now.”

(And I did. She left a one star online review about us not being open during business hours and the lazy employees.)

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