Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 4

| CT, USA | Right | February 15, 2017

(A woman approaches my counter one evening, clearly unwashed and very angry.)

Customer: “Yeah, how much is a large coffee?”

Me: “$2.25.”

Customer: “And a small?”

Me: “$1.75”

Customer: “Okay, well, I have one of those coupons for a free one.”

Me: “Is it the customer redemption or the buy-six-get-the-seventh?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Is it the long red one that says ‘sorry,’ or was it part of your receipt?”

Customer: “Oh, the receipt kind.”

(I fill her order for a large coffee as a line starts to form.)

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be $2.25.”

Customer: “I thought it was free. I can’t afford that.”

Me: “It’s free with your coupon.”

Customer: “I don’t have it on me.”

Me: “Then I can’t redeem it. I have to have a coupon to put in my register. If it’s not there when they count it, I’ll be short and I could lose my job.”

Customer: *very irate* “I’m [Coworker]’s friend. I know [Coworker’s Other Friend]. I come here all the time. Just give me my drink.”

(I assume my coworker has done this for her in the past, but I’m not about to put my job on the line for anyone, especially a stranger.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I have to have it in my register. I can’t redeem a coupon unless it’s physically here. Without it, the store will think I’m stealing.”

(She huffs off, and I work through the line, thinking it’s over. I’m midway through, taking another order, when she comes back. She shouts from the far end of the counter, rudely interrupting another customer.)

Customer: “How much for a shot of espresso?”

Me: “$1.75, same as a small coffee.”

(Again, she leaves, and once again I think it’s over. There’s a lull after the line, and she’s back, again, angrier than ever.)

Customer: “Give me two shots.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $2.10.”

Customer: “You said $1.75!”

Me: “That’s for one shot, not two.”

Customer: “Can’t you just give it to me? This is a bunch of bull-s***.”

Me: “I could get fired for that. I’m not losing my job over a shot of espresso. Now, would you like one shot, or two?”

Customer: “Just give me two.”

(She then throws a huge handful of coins onto my counter and storms off to the other end of the bar. I go to cash her out, and she’s short, by about fifty cents. I quietly take the rest out of my tip cup because I just want her gone.)

Customer: “I’m telling [Coworker] how f****** rude you are. I don’t see why you couldn’t just give me my f****** coffee. I lost the d*** coupon. I had to dig around in my car for the f****** change.”

Me: “If $1.75 is outside of your budget, maybe you shouldn’t shop here.”

(I asked my coworker about her the next time I saw him. Apparently, he knew her, but hadn’t talked to her in years; since she was in prison.)

Coworker: “’I come here all the time,’ my a**!”

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 3
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

Milking Their Ignorance

| San Jose, CA, USA | Working | February 8, 2017

(After doing some shopping, I stop in the in-store coffee shop to get a drink.)

Barista #1: “Hi! What can I get you?”

Me: “Can I please have a medium mocha with non-fat milk?”

Barista #1: “Sure thing!”

(Barista #2 starts making my drink, then turns to Barista #1.)

Barista #2: “I wonder what the difference is between non-fat and low fat.”

Barista #1: “Yeah, I dunno. Maybe there isn’t a difference.”

Me: “Uh… I’m pretty sure low fat milk has just a little bit of milk fat, and non-fat milk has no fat.”

Barista #2: “Oh, I guess that makes sense.”

There Was A Time When Kids Could Tell Time

| UK | Working | January 30, 2017

(I’m working in a coffee shop with a new starter who is in her late teens. This shop has a giant clock mounted to the wall behind the counter. It’s more for aesthetic, but it also means very few of us bother with watches.)

Me: “Okay, [Starter], your break is at three pm.”

Starter: *blank stare*

Me: “Is that all right?”

Starter: “When will I know?”

Me: “That’s about four hours from now.”

Starter: “…but how do I know? I’m not allowed to have my phone.”

Me: “There’s a clock behind you.”

Starter: *staring wildly at the wall, and directly at the clock* “Where?”

Me: “The giant circle.”

Starter: “That’s a CLOCK? It’s just see lines! How can you understand that?”

Me: “It’s an analogue clock. The long… line represents minutes while the short line represents hours. They rotate around the middle as time goes by.”

Starter: *staring at me like I’m from another world* “Who came up with that? Why not just have what’s on my iPhone?”

Me: “That’s digital. I guess the owner wanted an analogue because it looks fancier.”

Starter: “But, the numbers. Where are the numbers?”

Me: “There. They have roman numerals.”

Starter: “Oh, like gypsies?”

(What on earth are we teaching kids these days?)

Getting Some Coffee Apathy

| North Providence, RI, USA | Working | January 28, 2017

(I am at a popular doughnut/coffee shop in New England. I just want a cup of coffee.)

Me: “I’d like a large cup of black coffee, please.”

Counter Help: “Cream and sugar?”

Me: “No, thanks, just a large black coffee.”

Counter Help: “Iced?”

Me: “No, just a plain hot black cup of coffee.”

Counter Help: “Room for cream and sugar?”

Me: “No, just a large black hot coffee.”

Counter Help: “Cream and sugar on the side?”

Me: *feeling a little frustrated now* “I just want a hot cup of black coffee.”

Counter Help: “Okay.” *sets two large cups of hot coffee on the counter*

Me: “I just wanted one.”

A Regular A**-Hole

| PA, USA | Right | January 26, 2017

(I work in a popular international coffee chain. We often get confusing drink orders from customers, but this exchange takes the cake!)

Customer: “Can I get a [Popular Hot Drink] with regular milk?”

Me: “Did you want skim, 2%, or whole?”

Customer: “I want regular milk.”

Me: “Right, but what do you consider ‘regular’? We have three types: Skim, 2%, or, whole?”

Customer: *clearly getting agitated* “REGULAR. MILK.”

Me: “Right, so 2%? Whole?”


Me: *quickly writes 2% on the cup and passes it down*

Me: *over the headset after the customer walks away* “What is regular milk?”

Coworker #1: “I always drink 2%.”

Coworker #2: “I would have said whole.”

Coworker #3: “I’m tempted to make his drink with water to be honest.”

Manager: “He wants you to get the cow and squirt the milk directly into his drink. Obviously.”

(The customer continued to make comments about our incompetence under his breath while his coffee was being made, but didn’t seem to care that I had written “2%” on his cup instead of “regular.”)

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