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Venting Tall

| Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’ve gotten up early to get my mom and me coffee one morning. I’m not a morning person by any means.)

Me: “Can I get a tall white mocha?”

Barista: “Sure, anything else?”

Me: “A tall, venti nonfat cappuccino please.”

Barista: “A what?”

Me: “A tall, venti nonfat cappuccino, please.”

Barista: “Honey, you’re making up drinks now. Would you like a tall or venti?”

Me: *suddenly hitting me what I’ve been saying* “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry. I meant venti.”

Barista: “I give everyone a break this early.”

(Luckily she had been our barista for about six years and knew I was actually smart.)

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Driving Away Business

| MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Geography, Popular

(I am a 16-year-old girl working at the drive-thru of a popular coffee shop. It’s a busy day and we are moving through the line quickly, until this customer.)

Me: “Here are your drinks, sir. Have a great day!”

Customer: “How do you get to [Small Town 50 miles away]?”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, sir. I actually don’t know. There are plenty of places to get maps downtown, which is about two minutes down the street.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to go down there. Ask someone else.”

(I turn to a coworker and ask her how to get there, but she doesn’t know either.)

Me: “Sorry, she doesn’t know either. I see you have a [Popular Smartphone]; you could always look up directions on there. We have free Wi-Fi.”

Customer: “No! Ask someone else! I need to know now!”

(As it is only me and my coworker working, I resort to asking a customer inside the store.)

Me: “All right, he just told me you should get on route three west to get to the area.”

Customer: “How do I get to route three west?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know, and there is a line behind you. I’ve helped you the best I could.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You should know this! What the h*** are you getting paid for?” *drives off*

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m getting paid to make your coffee…”

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Can’t Fight The Empire Without Coffee

| Mon Cala | April Fool's Day

(I am working at a coffee shop, serving a stream of customers. I serve a Mon Calamari, who is looking our seasonal specials.)

Customer: “What’s a Janeway special?”

Me: “It’s a special cross-promotion we’re doing with another franchise. It’s essentially just coffee, black.”

Customer: “I’ll take it then.”

Me: “Coming right up!”

(I prepare his coffee, but in his eagerness the customer goes ahead and reaches for another customer’s order.)

Me: “No, sir, that’s—”

(Too late, he takes a sip. The Mon Calamari’s huge eyes go even wider than normal as he gives me a look of horror and betrayal.)

Customer: “It’s a frap!”

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Her Bark Is Worse Than Her Dog’s Bite

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work in a coffee shop, and it is against the rules to bring pets into the store. A young woman comes inside, yelling into a phone. A two-year-old child is with her. A few minutes later she brings her dog inside, too.)

Customer: *yelling into phone* “I don’t f****** care! Get me a f****** ride!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you need to take your dog outside.”

Customer: “F*** off, I’ll take him outside soon.”

(The customer then proceeds to continue yelling into the phone.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you need to take your dog outside right now.”

Customer: “I said f*** off; I’ll take him outside in a second!”

(The customer proceeds to scream into the phone, looking back at my coworker every couple of seconds to scream at her, too.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, if you refuse to speak to me politely and don’t take your dog outside, we will call the pol—”

Customer: “CALL THE F****** POLICE, THEN!”

(We call the police, who find her camped out in our drive-thru, still screaming into her phone. The last we see of her, she’s being taken away by the cops, with her child in a separate cruiser.)

Me: “Do you want to know the scariest part of all that?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “During the entirety of that whole exchange, that kid didn’t bat an eye. Didn’t cry or anything.”

Coworker: “That is terrifying.”

(You can tell that child was used to her mother’s tantrums.)

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Double Double Trouble

| Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work drive-thru at a popular coffee shop, and for reference, a “double double” is two cream and two sugar. A regular customer comes through the drive-thru and orders her usual, a large double double. When she pulls up to the window the following exchange happens.)

Me: “Hello!”

Regular: “Good morning!”

(I take her money and get ready to hand her the coffee.)

Regular: “Why can’t you order a double double without sugar?”

Me: “Oh, well, double double means double cream and double sugar.”

Regular: “I know. I wish I could get it without the sugar, though. I don’t really like the sugar.”

Me: “Oh! Well, you can order a coffee without sugar in it. Did you want me to do that for you?”

Regular: “But then it wouldn’t be a double double, though.”

Me: *confused* “Err, that’s right…”

(I gave her the coffee and wished her a good day. Somehow I knew there was no winning this one.)

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