And The Titanic Sunk In 1997

| Tolland, CT, USA | Working | October 15, 2013

(I am reading my edition of ‘Romeo And Juliet’ in a coffee shop when the cashier notices.)

Cashier: “Why is the cover funny?”

Me: *bewildered* “It’s my edition from the 1980s. Sorry if it’s a bit scruffy.”

Cashier: “I don’t like liars; you’re not impressing anyone.”

Me: “It is from the 1980s. Is anything wrong?”

Cashier: “You know what’s wrong.”

(The cashier leaves. Later, I am paying at the counter with the manager, when the cashier comes up.)

Cashier: *to Manager* “She’s a liar, [Manager].”

Manager: *confused* “Why would you say that, [Cashier]?”

Cashier: *pointing to my book* “She said her edition is from the 1980s.”

Me: “It IS!”

Cashier: “You’re a liar. And why did you get a book version? Leonardo isn’t even on the cover.”

Manager: *to me* “Unbelievable.”

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He’ll Take A Tall Truth With A Shot Of Obviousness

| Rome, GA, USA | Romantic | October 10, 2013

(I am in my early 20s. One of my most annoying regulars has been flirting awkwardly for a while, despite my obvious discomfort, and the engagement ring on my finger. I am working alone, and there is a long line behind him, waiting to order.)

Regular: “So, I know you don’t know me that well, but would you like to go out sometime? We can catch a ball game or something.”

Me: “…I’m engaged.”

Regular: “So?”

Me: “I have a fiancé. I’m getting married in three months.”

Regular: “But you’re not married yet! C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Me: “No.”

Regular: “Come on, one date. You’ll have the rest of your life with him. Enjoy your single life while you can!”

(A burly customer behind the regular speaks up.)

Burly Customer: “Dude, she said no. Now get the f*** out before I throw you out.”

(Embarrassed, the regular leaves.)

Burly Customer: “D*** it, I was hoping he’d try again. I really wanted an excuse to toss him out on his a**. Large latte, please.”

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Hope He Is Kidding

| BC, Canada | Right | October 9, 2013

(I work in a coffee shop that has a drive-thru, and we’re currently in the afternoon rush. I’m wearing a headset, making drinks for my manager who is taking the drive-thru orders.)

Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to [coffee shop]; how’s your day going?

Customer: “It’s alright. Get me a large black coffee.”

Coworker: “For sure! Can we get you an oat bar to go with that today?”

Customer: “A what?”

Coworker: “An oat bar.”

Customer: *angrily* “No, I don’t want a goat farm with that!”

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Solving Difficult Number Tables

| London, England, UK | Right | October 7, 2013

(The coffee shop I work in has a policy for customers to order their hot food from the tills, by providing their table number. Every table has its own individual number super-glued firmly to it. My coworker calls a customer to her counter.)

Coworker: “Hello there, are you ordering food today?”

Customer: “Yes, here’s our table number.”

(The customer then HANDS OVER the number plate that was super-glued to the table.)

Coworker: “Did you take this off of the table?”

Customer: “Yes! It was really stuck on there though!”

(I’ve never seen anyone take this policy quite so literally.)

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Water Is Harder In England

| Abbotsford, Canada | Working | October 2, 2013

(I moved to Canada nine years ago from England, and although I still have my English accent, I don’t think it’s that strong.)

Me: “Hi there, can I get [several items] and a water?”

Cashier: “And a what?”

Me: “Water.”

Cashier: “What?”

Me: “W-A-T-E-R.”

Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Clear liquid, comes from taps.”

Cashier: “Huh?”

Me: “You freeze it and it turns to ice.”

Cashier: “Sorry, I don’t think we serve that.”

Me: “Just give me an orange juice.”

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