It’s No Use Lying Over Spilt Milk

| ON, Canada | Right | November 19, 2014

(I work at a big name coffee chain. This conversation is taking place over headsets; I’m in the back unpacking stock.)

Coworker: “Is it possible to be allergic to milk fat?”

Me: “I don’t know, maybe? Some pretty weird allergies run in my family.”

Coworker: “This customer just asked for a drink made nonfat because she’s allergic to milk fat.”

Me: “Well, if she says there’s an allergy, assume she’s telling the truth.”

Coworker: “And she wants whipped cream on it.”

Me: “…”

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Doesn’t Get The Scale Of Their Love

| CA, USA | Romantic | November 13, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are at a coffee shop with my sister. Note that we often make up cutesy ‘how much do you love me?’ questions.)

Me: “On a scale of one to a billion, how much do you love me?”

Boyfriend: *scoffing* “A billion isn’t a realistic scale.”

Me: “Fine… On a scale of one to 1,365.5, how much do you love me?”

Boyfriend: “A billion.”

Getting The Short End Of The Stick(y)

, | USA | Working | November 11, 2014

(I work in the snack-bar of a grocery store. There is a coffee shop connected to us, and both are run by the store. I am washing dishes when my coworkers walk in. Both are carrying the splash-guards from the blender.)

Coworker#1: “It’s all sticky!”

Coworker #2: “You have three kids. How do sticky things bother you?”

Me: *without looking up* “She has three kids…”

Coworker #1: *laughs* “And you learn to fear what sticky things they bring you!”

No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3

| MA, USA | Right | November 10, 2014

(I’m working the register at a popular coffee shop chain. A woman inspects our breakfast sandwiches for a few minutes before approaching me.)

Customer: “Can I get one of the reduced fat turkey bacon sandwiches?”

Me: “I’m so sorry; we just sold out of those. Is there anything else I can offer you today?”

Customer: “Well, what else do you have that’s vegetarian?”

 

They Have It Made

| ON, Canada | Right | October 23, 2014

(I work night shift at a very popular Canadian coffee chain. Four drunk customers walk into the store, barely able to stand. I spot a white limo outside and these customers are dressed like they’ve been out clubbing.)

Me: “Hey, there. What can I get you ladies?”

Drunk Customer: “Hey, um, I have a question?”

Me: “Yes?”

Drunk Customer: “Um, what city are we in?”

Me: *stammering* “P-pardon me?”

Drunk Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you deaf? What CITY are we in?”

Me: “Erm… you’re in between [City #1] and [City #2].”

Drunk Customer: *turns back to her friends* “OH, MY GOD, GUYS! WE MADE IT!”

(It turned out that the ladies had been gambling in Niagara Falls, about three hours away. After asking for the address of the place and reassuring me that they lived in City #1 and they were headed home (they thought), they left without asking for anything and I was left to wonder exactly how intoxicated one had to be to be that lost and that un-phased by it.)

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