Playing (Hunger) Games With Your Orders

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | March 13, 2015

(I work at a coffee shop on my university campus. This happens way more often than it should, especially if my friends drop by when I’m working:)

Me: “All right, one regular soy mocha latte. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: “Primrose Everdeen.”

(A few minutes later:)

Coworker: “Okay, regular soy mocha latte for…” *he reads the name on the cup* “…aww, Christ. Primrose Everdeen?

Customer’s Friend: *at the top of her lungs* “I VOLUNTEER!”

Coworker: “You guys realise that stopped being funny last year, right?”

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Sudden Case Of Stranger Danger

| USA | Friendly | March 4, 2015

(I am visiting my home town for the holidays. I stop in the local coffee shop for a cup. The girl behind the counter greets me with a stuck out tongue and eye roll, which I assume is aimed at her coworker next to her. I place the order and wait for it to be ready.)

Girl: “So, hey, what’s up?”

Me: “Uh… nothing.”

Girl: “How were your holidays? Mine were kind of boring.”

Me: *confused* “They were okay, thanks?”

Girl: “So, any exciting plans for New Year’s? Wild parties? Friends? Boyfriend?”

Me: “No, just hanging out at home.”

Girl: “That’s cool. I thought I’d spend the day with my boyfriend.”

Me: *very confused* “That sounds nice.”

Girl: “I hope it will be. Oh, here’s your order. It was nice catching up. Have a great day!”

Me: “Uh, you too.”

(I was very unnerved by the girl’s uber-friendliness. It wasn’t until I was back in the car I realized she was one of my sister’s friends and had mistaken me for her! I am still wondering how, as my sister and I bear a strong family resemblance, but our styles differ drastically. I am rather plain, while my sister has multiple piercings and tattoos, wildly dyed hair, and is at least four inches shorter than I am. And she’s nine months pregnant! My sister and I had a good laugh over it, though. And this isn’t the first time this has happened to us…)

I’ll Have My Usual Irregular

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | March 3, 2015

(I am another customer in this story standing at the drink counter stirring my coffee when two drinks come ready at the same time. Despite the drinks being different sizes, very different contents, and called out with both to a shop quiet enough to be heard easily, both customers reach for the same drink.)

Customer #1: “Yours is the grande.”

Customer #2: “Are you sure?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, I had a tall.”

Customer #2: “I guess I forgot what my regular is.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 3

| Cicero, IL, USA | Right | February 26, 2015

(After ordering a breakfast sandwich with only sausage and cheese, a customer comes back with said sandwich with a few bites taken.)

Customer: “I can’t eat this!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Is there a problem with your order?”

Customer: “I can’t eat meat. I’m allergic.”

(Confused on why she ordered it in the first place, I offer her something else or her money back.)

Customer: “Just make me a sandwich with ham and cheese.”

Me: “Um, you just told me you’re allergic to meats.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Ham is a meat.”

Customer: “I’m allergic to that meat.” *points at sandwich*

Me: “You’re only allergic to that type of sausage?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s why I’m telling you to make me a sandwich with ham instead!”

Me: “Are you sure you just didn’t like it?”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?!”

Me: “Well, it’s just that our sausage is made from pork. Now you’re asking for ham.”

Customer: “What’s your point?”

Me: “Ham is a pork product. If you eat this, I may have to call a paramedic in due to your throat possibly swelling. We wouldn’t want to risk your life, miss.”

Customer: “…I didn’t like the sausage.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 2
Allergic To Common Sense

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Decaffeinated Milk

| NJ, USA | Right | February 25, 2015

(A customer comes into the store and confusedly finds his way to the register.)

Customer: “Get me a steamed milk.”

(I make the drink and hand it to him.)

Customer: “This is just milk. I wanted coffee in this.”

Me: “No. You ordered steamed milk.”

Customer: “Don’t you guys put coffee in everything?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What has coffee in it?”

Me: “Coffee.”

Customer: “Oh! That’s what I meant to get.”

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