I Want A Hot Chocolate, But Confused

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2018

Me: “Hey! How are you today?”

Customer: “Great! Hey, do you have hot chocolate, but like… over ice?”

Me: “We can do a chocolate milk for you, absolutely!”

Customer: “No. Hot chocolate, but over ice.”

Me: *sigh* “Yeah, we can do that for you.”

Customer: “Awesome!”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: “Uh, medium.”

Me: “Okay! Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Nope! That’ll do it!”

(I hand him his drink in a cup we typically serve hot drinks in; we make an exception for cold milk.)

Customer: *drink is already in his hand, so he’s felt the temperature, which is very well cold* “Oh, sorry, but I wanted this iced.”

Sizing Up The Problem

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I work in a coffee shop, and I have this conversation at least 30 times in a day.)

Customer: “Coffee.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “Cooooffeeee.”

Me: “Yes, what size?”

Customer: “Cooo-fffff-eeeee, crreeeeeeeeam and sugaaaar.”

Me: “Right, one extra-large with cream and sugar it is.”

Customer: “Wait, no! I wanted a small! I… Oh…”

I’m An Old Bean

, , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I am 19. A man walks into the coffee shop with bloodshot eyes, smelling strongly of alcohol.)

Customer: “Don’t worry; I’m not driving. I want some coffee beans.”

Me: “Okay, do you want a dark roast or a medium roast?

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(He looks at the menu.)

Customer: “Are you old enough to drink coffee?”

Me: “I’ve been drinking coffee since I was eight.”

Customer: “What are you now? Twelve?”

Customers Come First As Long As They’re You

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I work in a coffee shop. My coworker is on her break, leaving me alone. I am helping somebody in the lobby as a lady comes by the drive-thru.)

Me: “Thanks for choosing [Coffee Shop]; I’ll be with you in a moment.”

(I finish serving the lobby guest, and go back to talking on the headset.)

Me: “Thanks so much for your patience; I do appreciate it. What sounds good today?”

Customer: “Can I get a 16-ounce hot chai?”

Me: “Absolutely! Anything else?”

Customer: “No, that’s all.”

Me: “I’ll see you at the window!”

(The customer gets to the window.)

Customer: “I don’t see why I had to wait when there’s no one in front of me.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about the wait; I was helping someone in the lobby, and we are short-staffed at the moment.”

Customer: “There’s absolutely no reason I should be waiting like that! Customers come first!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but, like I said, I was helping another customer in the store.”

Customer: “This is horrendous service! I’m very close with the owner and her family. I’m going to call her and see to it your employment is terminated!”

Me: *laughs* “You do that, ma’am! Have a fantastic night, and here’s your chai!”

(My coworker happens to be the owner’s daughter. I ask her about this lady.)

Coworker: “I have no idea who the f*** that lady is; she can f*** off.”

(She never did call the owner.)

Try Not To Interpret Too Much Into This

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I am working the register one busy Saturday with two of my other coworkers. A kind, older gentleman steps up to order while talking to someone on his cell phone.)

Me: “What would you like to order?

Customer: *points to the phone* “My wife would like to order a coffee. Here.”

(He hands me his cell phone and I, without thinking, take it as though it is the most natural thing in the world.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What would you like to order today?”

(She says something about iced coffee and I ask her if she would like cream and sweetener in it. At this point, the older gentleman points to the phone.)

Customer: “It helps if you put it on speaker.”

(I press the speaker button and continue with the order, after which I hand the phone back to the man and he pays. One of my coworkers gives me a weird look and I explain:)

Me: “Just go with it. Maybe he didn’t want to be an interpreter.”

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