Acting Like Such A Queen

, , , , , | Working | August 7, 2018

(I am at a coffee shop. I have already gotten my order and am sitting at a table with my headphones on low.)

Barista: “Order for Elizabeth!”

(A minute passes.)

Barista: “Elizabeth, hello! Order for Elizabeth!”

(I glance up to see the barista shaking her head and no one getting the drink. Another minute passes, then I gasp as someone pulls one ear of my headphones off.)

Barista: “Hey! I said order for Elizabeth!”

Me: “I’m not Elizabeth… and I have my drink.”

Barista: *grumpily walking away* “B**** looks like an Elizabeth.”

An Unforgettable Encounter

, , , , , | Friendly | August 6, 2018

(I frequent a popular coffee shop near my house. One day, the woman in front of me in line states that she forgot her wallet at home and I, feeling generous, offer to pay for her coffee. Later that week, I go back to the same coffee shop. After I have been waiting about a minute in line, the same lady from days before enters and gets into the line behind me. I order and sit with my coffee to read a book.)

Woman: *at the register* “Oops, I guess I forgot my wallet at home.”

Cashier: “Oh, do you want me to cancel the order?”

Woman: *slightly louder* “I forgot my wallet at home!”

(The cashier cancels the order and asks the woman to step aside so someone else can order. The woman stomps over to my table.)

Woman: “Hey! I left my wallet at home!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am.”

Woman: “Well? Aren’t you going to pay for my coffee?”

Me: “No, I am not.”

Woman: “What! Why not? I forgot my wallet!”

Me: “Ma’am, I paid for you the other day as a kindness. I’m not going to pay for your coffee every time you want. I suggest making sure you have money with you the next time you want a coffee. And if you’re having so much trouble remembering your wallet, perhaps you should have your memory checked.”

(The woman stared at me a moment longer, then “hmphed” and stomped out of the store.)

A Cold Attitude To Your Order

, , , , | Working | August 6, 2018

(During a heavy snowfall, I go with a Tinder date to the epitome of first date destinations: a coffee shop. This is during the mid-winter months, and the shop is having a special deal on a Holiday-themed milkshake. The barista asks everyone ordering if they are interested in trying this.)

Me: *as it’s finally my turn to order* “Hi! I’d like a chicken sandwich and a large iced coffee with hazelnut, please.”

(The barista looks at me like I’m crazy.)

Barista: *snorts* “Really? Iced coffee?” *pause* “Have you noticed the weather outside?”

(Apparently it’s weird to order a cold drink other than milkshakes.)

It’s A Cottage Industry

, , , | Right | August 2, 2018

(I work in a coffee shop in cottage country. It’s the weekend of May 1st when this happens in the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Oh, my God! I was in the line-up for ten minutes! Why is this taking so long?”

Me: *looks at the line-up of cars backed out to the road* “Sir, it’s our busiest weekend of the year.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The store is packed, the drive-thru and inside.”

Customer: “Really?” *peers inside*

Me: “This is cottage country, and everyone is heading up for the weekend.”

Customer: “Is it?”

Me: *sighs* “Here’s your total. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Yeah! You need to speed up; this store sucks!” *drives off*

Maybe He’s A Jimophobe?

, , , , | Working | July 26, 2018

(I am ordering a coffee. The barista has asked for a name to put on the cup. I use my nickname, Jim. I then take my place with the other customers waiting.)

Barista: *after several minutes* “GERM!”

(No one responds.)

Barista: “GERM! J-I-M, GERM!”

(I walk up to him, slightly discombobulated. He pushes the coffee into my hands.)

Barista: “Why the h*** didn’t you answer when I called the first time?”

Me: “I’ve never heard anyone say my name like that.”

Barista: “Well, how am I supposed to know how you say it?!”

Me: “You took my order, though. You heard me say it.”

Barista: “So?”

Me: “And you spelled it right on the cup.”

Barista: “So?!”

Me: “What did I say my name was?”

Barista: “Jim.”

Me: “And somehow, in the space of a few minutes, you forgot how to pronounce it?”

Barista: “It’s not my problem if you have an unpronounceable name.” *turns and works on the next order*

(I would have just ignored it and gotten on with my life, but I’m sure the guy was playing a game with me, as I’ve also used my full first name, to which he shouted, “Janine!” and when I gave him “Bob,” he shouted, “Burp!” I don’t go in there anymore, and the place looks a lot less crowded than it used to.)

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