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Made A Rocky Start

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

Customer: “I’d like to order a caramel frappuccino, on the rocks.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “A frappuccino, on the rocks. Unblended. You have that, right?”

Me: “I think the closest equivalent would probably be a caramel-flavored iced latte.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ll take one of those, then! I didn’t realize they had a different name.”

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Pulling Off A Heist With Very Little Brain

| Matthews, NC, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Popular

(We have a customer who comes in almost every day and steals our bottles of honey. He will order a hot tea from our kiosks and use a whole bottle of honey. He will then ask an associate to get a new bottle. After we get the bottle for him, as he leaves later on, he will stick the honey in his newspaper to hide it and walk out. My nickname for him is Pooh Bear.)

Me: “[General Manager], Pooh Bear is back. Can I please say something?!”

General Manager: “No, I’ll handle this. I’ve had enough.”

(Our GM walks over to him as he’s leaving and gets his attention.)

General Manager: “Hey, man, I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to check out the sports highlights from last night!” *opens newspaper* “Hey, man, isn’t that our bottle of honey?”

Pooh Bear: “Oh… uh… Yeah, is that okay?”

General Manager: “No, it’s not okay, dude! Stop stealing our honey. That’s theft. We could call the cops and have you arrested. We have cameras constantly monitoring our store and we have you on numerous occasions stealing from us.”

(He hasn’t been back in almost two weeks now. And that’s how we pulled off “Operation Pooh Bear!”)

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Wish You Could ‘Ice’ Some Customers

| MN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work at an extremely busy coffee shop. I am working on bar, making and calling out the drinks. We are constantly busy and simultaneously have multiple orders to accommodate. I finish making a mocha for ‘Sara.’)

Me: “Sara, your drink is ready!”

(Two minutes later.)

Me: “Sara! I have your white mocha.”

(Five minutes later.)

Me: “SARA, I HAVE YOUR DRINK READY.”

(Two more minutes later, Sara comes and leans over the register.)

Sara: “Um, excuse me? I have a question. When is my drink going to be ready? I’ve been waiting a long time.”

Me: “Are you Sara?”

Sara: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, your drink is waiting at the end of the bar.”

(Sara grabs her drink, and immediately gets disgusted look on her face.)

Sara: “Um, I wanted this drink iced.”

(I remake her mocha, iced. Five minutes later, Sara returns.)

Sara: “This is, like, the worst drink ever made. I want it blended.”

(I remade her drink and used all self-control left in my being to prevent myself from throwing it at her.)

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When Sugary Doesn’t Mean Sweet

| Ross Township, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work for a global mega-corporation coffee shop. One of the summer promotional items is an insanely sugary blended drink, and it is the highest-selling promotional drink the company has ever had. As the summer is nearly over, however, we have run out of some of the ingredients to make it.)

Customer: “Hi, gimme a large [Summer Promo Beverage]! With extra dark caramel sauce and topping!”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry, we’ve run out of that for the summer! Would you—”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “Yeah, unfortunately we just used the last of the product within the past couple of days.”

(She turns to my coworker.)

Customer: “YOU! It’s all YOUR FAULT!”

Coworker: “Me?! I didn’t do it!”

Customer: *to me* “Can I smack him? Is that allowed?”

Me: “It’s not his fault! Other customers drank it all. And no, you may not smack him.”

Customer: “No, it’s definitely his fault!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, I’m sure he sat there and drank all the dark caramel through a straw, just to make you mad.”

Customer: “HE PROBABLY DID!”

Coworker: “Hey, how about I make you a regular caramel [Blended Drink] and put a bunch of extra caramel in it? That’s pretty much all the [Promo Drink] is.”

Customer: “It’s not the same! But I guess it’ll have to do…”

(I ring her up for the drink and she continues to make comments, gradually getting louder and louder as she goes…)

Customer: “It’s not right! You guys shouldn’t be out of that drink. It’s all YOUR fault.”

Coworker: “It’s still not my fault!”

Customer: “Well, I’m blaming YOU for it. You guys should sell that all the time. Why would [Coffee Chain] stop selling such a popular drink? WHY WOULD [Coffee Chain] STOP SELLING SUCH A POPULAR DRINK? It shouldn’t just be a SUMMER drink; it should be available ALL the time! WHY WOULD [Coffee Chain] NOT WANT TO SELL IT ALL THE TIME? You know what? I’m going to file a complaint with the company! I’ll write to [Company CEO]! I’LL GO TO OBAMA HIMSELF!” *leaves with drink*

Me: “What the f*** is Obama going to do about her stupid [Promo Drink]?”

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Venting Tall

| Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’ve gotten up early to get my mom and me coffee one morning. I’m not a morning person by any means.)

Me: “Can I get a tall white mocha?”

Barista: “Sure, anything else?”

Me: “A tall, venti nonfat cappuccino please.”

Barista: “A what?”

Me: “A tall, venti nonfat cappuccino, please.”

Barista: “Honey, you’re making up drinks now. Would you like a tall or venti?”

Me: *suddenly hitting me what I’ve been saying* “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry. I meant venti.”

Barista: “I give everyone a break this early.”

(Luckily she had been our barista for about six years and knew I was actually smart.)

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