A Super-Brew, Iron Grind, And Served Dark (Knight)

| QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(The coffee chain I work at collects money for a children’s charity. Once a month we dress up in costumes; it’s a lot of fun. This month the theme is Superheroes. I’m female, but dressed as Iron Man; there’s also Wonder Woman, Super Girl, and Batgirl.)

Elderly Customer: “Can you actually fly in that get-up?”

Me: “Sure can, but it spills the coffees.”

Male Customer: “Super heroes? Serving coffee? It’s like all my teenage dreams come true! Except for you, Iron Man, cause I don’t swing that way.”

Regular Customer: “Did you get a second job?”

Me: “Yep. Saving the world doesn’t pay the bills.”

High On Coffee, Low On Everything Else

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a small coffee shop outside a shopping center. There is a regular who is known for being very rude and ignorant about his wealth. I am a 17-year-old girl, who has recently got this job.)

Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [coffee shop], what woul—”

Regular: *aggressively* “Coffee!”

Me: “Okay, what ki—”

Regular: “Dumb b**** lowlife! I said coffee!”

Me: “Sir, please don’t use that language here.”

Regular: “For f***’s sake! This is why I am rich, and you work at a dump like this! Probably so you can buy your drug money!”

Me: “Sir, I—”

Regular: “B****! WE SHOULD TAKE ALL YOU LOWLIFES, AND BURY YOU LIKE MAGGOTS!”

Me: *tearing up* “Sir, plea—”

Regular: “SHUT UP YOU FILTHY W**** B****! AND MAKE ME MY D*** COFFEE!”

(My manager comes running out to see what’s going on. Before he can speak up, a small old lady next in line starts speaking.)

Old Woman: “Now listen here, you ignorant rat! This woman has barely had a chance to speak! If we did what you said, and got rid of the lower classes, who would change your god-d*** diapers, and make you your morning cup of coffee?”

Regular: “D*** you! I uh…” *turning to me* “I want my coffee, NOW!”

Manager: “NO, YOU CAN LEAVE MY STORE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!”

(The regular turns even more red, and runs out of the store. My manager gives me the rest of the day off, as well as a free meal. The old woman also leaves me a $20 tip!)

One Is Too Hot, One Is Too Cold, And The Customer Is Not Right

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I have just finished preparing some drinks for a guest.)

Me: “Alright, I’ve got two caramel macchiatos, one hot, one over ice, ready at the bar!”

(I put both drinks down, one in a hot cup, the other in an iced cup.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Are these my drinks?”

Me: “Those are two caramel macchiatos, sir. One hot, one iced.”

Customer: “Oh… okay.”

Me: “Is there a problem with your drinks, sir?”

Customer: “Err… which one’s the hot one?”

(I physically pause for a few seconds, to see if he’s joking with me.)

Me: “The hot one’s the hot one. The one over ice has the ice in the cup.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks! I never know what fancy coffee drinks you people make nowadays.”