Differing Heights Of Reason

| USA | Romantic | July 7, 2015

(My girlfriend and I are waiting for our order in a coffee shop on a very busy day, so much so that there is no place to sit. She and I are standing next to each other, among other people waiting for their coffee. I am almost 6’1″ and my girlfriend is 5’5″.)

Girlfriend: *looking up at me* “You’re so tall.”

Me: *smiling* “I guess you could say that.”

(There is a moment of silence.)

Girlfriend: “I’m really short.”

Me: “Not really.”

Girlfriend: “No, no, I am. I’m short. I barely come up to your chest!”

Me: “Short girls are hot.”

Girlfriend: *after thinking that over* “You need someone taller than me.”

Me: “Why?”

Girlfriend: “So my hot self and I can go get a hot guy!”

(The wedding is in six months.)

O, Canaduh, Part 4

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | July 3, 2015

(It is a warm day in late June. The customer I am serving has a pronounced American accent.)

Me: “I couldn’t help noticing your accent. Where are you from?”

Customer: “Des Moines. It’s my first time in Canada.”

Me: “What do you think so far?”

Customer: “Well, I was a little shocked when we were flying in, actually.”

Me: “About what?”

Customer: “I was pretty surprised not to see snow.”

Me: “I think that Iowa and Ontario have a pretty similar climate. Is there snow on the ground there right now?”

Customer: “No, but this is CANADA.”


Doesn’t Wake Up And Smell The Iced Coffee

| CT, USA | Working | June 30, 2015

(On my way to work from an appointment, I stop at a drive-thru of a popular coffee & donut shop.)

Cashier: *when I pull up to the speaker* “Welcome to [Donut Store]. Can I take your order?”

Me: “Yes, Hi, I’d like a [New breakfast sandwich] meal with a medium [iced drink], please.”

Cashier: “Okay, a…[New breakfast sandwich]… Um, which one is that?”

Me: “…The new one?”

Cashier: “Oh! Okay…and will that be all?”

Me: “Yes.” *I pull around to window*

Cashier: “Hi, your total is [very low amount for a meal and drink].” *hands me a bag and small hot coffee*

Me: *handing her my credit card* “Umm… is that a coffee? I wanted an [iced drink]…”

Cashier: “Oh, you wanted them together? Sorry.” *puts bag and coffee down, adjusts my total on register* “Your total is [higher amount that sounds more reasonable].” *swipes card and returns it to me with receipt, then tries to hand me the bag and coffee again*

Me: “I’m really not a coffee drinker, so you can keep the coffee, thanks.”

Cashier: *confused look* “Okay…” *puts coffee down and starts taking orders for the cars behind me*

(After a few minutes, I still don’t have my iced drink, and there are now at least four cars waiting behind me. She finally turns back to me.)

Cashier: “Are you waiting for something?”

Me: “My [iced drink]?”

Cashier: “Oh, you wanted one of those? What size?”

Me: “A medium…”

Cashier: *turns back to register* “Okay, your total is [drink total].”

(Not in the mood to argue, I hand my card back to her, and finally get my drink, and she smiles as if she doesn’t even notice she made a mistake.)

Cashier: “Thank you, and have a nice day.”

(Turned out, she originally didn’t charge me for the coffee she handed me, then added that to the sandwich total, before ringing my actual drink up separately, meaning I paid for a coffee I never wanted and gave back.)

Time To Wake Up And Smell The Chai

| AK, USA | Working | June 5, 2015

(I am out with some friends at a coffee shop that has some of the best baristas in town. Because I do not like coffee I always order something else to drink, such as tea or a chai latte.)

Me: “Hello, I’d like a medium chai latte, please.”

Barista: “Sure, no problem. Can I get your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

(We find a table and wait, and our drinks are ready within a few minutes. I take a sip of my chai latte, and tastes neither right or good, but I can’t quite place why. I take another sip and realize that it has coffee in it. I take it back up to the barista.)

Me: “Hi, my chai latte tastes bitter. Did you put coffee in it?”

Barista: “Oh, yes! It tastes much better that way.”

Me: “But I don’t like coffee, which is why I asked for a chai latte. Could you please re-make it, without the coffee?”

(A manager walks by with a stack of clattering dishes and mishears what I said.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, but the Chai latte doesn’t come with coffee in it.”

Me: “I know; that’s why I ordered it.”

Manager: “Why are you asking for it to be re-made with coffee?”

Me: “Because there’s coffee in this, and I don’t like coffee!”

Manager: *to barista* “Why did you make it with coffee if she asked for a chai latte?”

Barista: “Because it’s better that way!”

Manager: *sighing* “Please re-make it without the coffee.”

Barista: “Well, I like it with coffee!”

(The manager gave him a hard look, and he correctly re-made my drink without further commentary. My friends and I haven’t seen that barista since!)

The ‘Mocha Chocolate’ Is Just The Cream On Top

| USA | Right | June 2, 2015

(I am a customer in a small local coffee shop next to a hospital. A woman in scrubs acting important cuts in front of me but being early and a regular I let it slide. She starts to order:)

Customer: “Give me a tall grande skinny chocolate mocha frappe soy latte with cream.”

Barista: “What was that order?”

Customer: “Uh…” *repeats something different*

Barista: “What size; we have small and large.”

Customer: “What about tall grande skinny did you not understand?”

Barista: “So that is a large mocha latte with whipped cream?”

Customer: “No, that’s chocolate mocha!”

Barista: “Chocolate and mocha are the same thing.”

(At this point I laugh and the customer turns and glares at me.)

Customer: “Fine, just make it.”

(The barista does so.)

Barista: “Should I close the lid or are you going to add cream?”

Customer: “Why would you ask that?”

Barista: “I wouldn’t want it to spill.”

Customer: “Just give it to me.”

(She pays and leaves, the barista is just shaking his head. I step up trying not to laugh and hand over my travel cup and cash.)

Me: “What in the world was she actually trying to order?”

Barista: “I don’t even know!”

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